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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Oxford interviews, and parents

31 replies

Squirrelface · 04/12/2011 18:22

My daughter has to stay at an Oxford college for a few days for interviews. Does anyone know if the students usually arrive/check in alone, or would it be usual for a parent to go with them as far as their room to ensure that they have everything sorted out? She would be mortified to have me tagging along if everyone else arrives alone! (I do intend to go home once she is settled).

OP posts:

Ponders · 04/12/2011 18:24

I don't think there is a usual, squirrel

Geography is a factor - if it's convenient for you to drop her off then go (I know at least one of the Oxford applicant mums did that last year)

You could take her out for lunch first too

Ponders · 04/12/2011 18:25

mums on here, I mean - not just 1 in the whole university

Atwaroverscrabble · 04/12/2011 18:26

My cousin came up on her own for her interview but her parents live in Devon and i am in Oxford so was a stand in just in case of problems... I work at another university and sadly so many parents do over parent at this age.... Personally speaking i would ask her what she wants and ifshe says she wants to come up on her own etc then let her. oxford is a lovely city and the colleges really do look after their charges... It will be a good show of trusting her and letting her have some independence and autonomy....

AnnaBegins · 04/12/2011 18:27

From my experience at Cambridge, and friends' experiences at Oxford, it is normal for applicants to go alone, it shows a bit of independance. Remember they are being evaluated all the time (at Oxford so I hear, less so at Cambridge), so showing that they can manage alone always goes down well.

But if she feels more comfortable with you settling her in, I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem and I'm sure others will do the same. It's about making her feel as relaxed as possible.

Good luck to your DD!

funnyperson · 04/12/2011 21:21

I went with DD to check her in. Looked on the notice board with her for her interview times, ensured the mobile phone was on and that the interview kit arrived in reasonable order. Was also my chance to see this very lovely famous college. Picked her up smiling from the porters lodge 3 days later!
Left their father to do it for DS . Have always regretted that, as he and DS forgot the charger in the back of the car. There is a forever tiny doubt in the back of my mind that therefore DS missed a third interview.
Both the DC were nervous and appreciated being dropped off by us. Every child is an individual. Only you and DC can tell. however I think there is no need for false bravado on anyone's part. Independence can come when they have the offer and start at University; thats my view. It is best to get the interview right first. Colleges have wonderful friendly students to help settle the DC in. TBH in the pub DD was glad to be with her parents having supper the evening before-she didn't want to be with all the other nervous wrecks just at first. Twas different once they had all had breakfast together. They jelled and had a fab time exploring and all laugh together now at the interview photos on facebook.
Good luck

Betelguese · 06/12/2011 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Betelguese · 06/12/2011 00:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aloiseb · 06/12/2011 00:51

I remember my Oxford interview, definitely without parents as there were small kids at home and they weren't available to travel with me. It was fun - in fact I really enjoyed the independence of crossing the country in the train for various interviews. Having Mum there, commenting on everything, would have wrecked it for me. But if your DD wants your support, you probably should be there!

exexpat · 06/12/2011 01:07

I went for my Cambridge interview by myself, age 16, by train from Bristol (in 1984). I suppose if it is easier to drive her there, then do that, but really she should be able to manage by herself at the college. I do hear that a lot of helicopter parents get much more involved these days.

fannybaws · 06/12/2011 21:54

Ds is at Trinity Cambridge tonight for test and interview tomorrow, he missed his first train because of snow (glasgow) and had to reroute.
Just spoken to him and he is so excited and impressed by everything, fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Anyone else in same boat?

wolfbrother · 07/12/2011 12:17

Son just been to Cambridge for interviews by himself, staying overnight.
It never crossed my mind to take him!

TopazMortmain · 07/12/2011 12:26

I went to my Cambridge interview alone and would have been mortified if my parents had taken me. I did however oversleep and had to be woken up by a porter ten minutes after my interview start time so perhaps some parental intervention would have been useful...

OneHandFlapping · 07/12/2011 12:31

I shall walk DS to the porter's lodge. I'm sure he can take it from there (although he did ask if I could stay with him, which was a touching wobble from a boy who's been saying he can't wait to leave home for three years).

fannybaws · 07/12/2011 17:27

oh good luck to all your Dcs son number two had his today and he feels it went well so we shall have to wait and see

funnyperson · 08/12/2011 00:37

onehandflapping I think its a joy and fun to see their room with them. It is also useful, as if they get in you have an idea before hand of what furniture etc is going to be in the room and what the inside of a college looks like. Parents might not have been to the open days so it is nice to see.
Those staircases can also be a bit daunting for an interviewee for the first few minutes, though they settle in really quickly. Its not quite like being a fresher.
I too went alone to my interviews many years ago. It didn't occur to me to take my mum. However that same mum wanted me to stay in a hotel for all the three days of my DC interview. Noooooooooo.......I totally drew the line there. A quick retreat on the part of the parent is essential I feel. The international parents are different. They need to take a good look round too.

But even asking the question is an indication of how times have changed. There are fewer children around these days. They are more precious. And their education is more expensive. So yes, I think parents are quite interested in the process. It doesn't always mean they are being helicopters.

Anyway good luck!

mrswoodentop · 08/12/2011 07:52

Fannybaws ,hope you ds interview went well ,I was in Cambridge shopping yesterday and it was full of excited looking teenagers dissecting their interviews,I was struck by how enthusiastic they all seemed .Cambridge looks beautiful with the Xmas lights ,Trimity in particular and the OB unit was at Kings for the Carols

sieglinde · 08/12/2011 12:28

Good luck to all dcs facing people like me soon. I think this is the toughest year I remember. Ever.

saintlyjimjams · 08/12/2011 12:35

I went to my Oxford interview alone (from Devon). I would have been mortified if my parents had tagged along! I don't remember anyone arriving with their parents. I suppose some must have but presumably they hid them around the corner.

lambbone · 08/12/2011 15:36

I remember my Oxford interview (a scary number of years ago) - went by train and it snowed! Entire interview schedule up the creek - but had the opportunity to explore Oxford when it was looking even more magical than it usually does. That experience would have been nothing like as excellent had my mother had any part of it - much as I love her. Not that it even crossed her mind to offer, or mine to think that she might and would need to be fended off.
My son went through it too a couple of years ago, and I kept well out of it. It is an experience that has to be entirely theirs - and then they can tell you all about it.

Bearcat · 08/12/2011 16:21

DS2 was at Oxford for interview this time 2 years ago.
Neither me nor DH would have dreamt of going with him for interview and he would have been mortified if we had tagged along.
He caught the train and managed it all himself.
We had been to the college open day in the summer, so were able to have a good look around with other parents. I think that this was the time rather than the interview time itself to be 'hanging around' with them, albeit for only the first hour or so of the open day. DH and I then did our own tour of Oxford, went for lunch etc before meeting up again with him later in the afternoon.
DS2 enjoyed his 2 days meeting the other students and kept in touch with some of them for a while. Not so sure he enjoyed his interviews!
DS1 also went to his Cambridge interview alone on the train and on the day itself. DH took him to open day as he had been to university there and knew how to get free college parking
Alas, none of them got in but did get the grades required at A Level and went onto another university!

ASuitableGirl · 08/12/2011 16:30

I went to all my interviews on my own. I did get my train ticket bought for me and then I was off :) Wouldn't have liked my mum and/or dad coming with me tbh.

Did fail to get an offer from Cambridge but got them from everywhere else.

gelatinous · 09/12/2011 14:35

Ds is going by train on his own. I don't think he'd want me along, though it wouldn't really be practical so I've not really enquired. I know of others whose parents are taking them and I suspect it doesn't matter either way - just do whatever works best for your dd, and good luck to her by the way.

Yellowstone · 09/12/2011 14:43

Hope that's only for your subject sieglinde

gelatinous · 10/12/2011 11:29

Eep sieglinde! Just seen your comment, having missed it before. Any idea why that should be?

Yellowstone · 10/12/2011 11:42

He's the second wave of Medicine interviews, Monday/ Tuesday. I suppose that's one day less until he hears the result....

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