Can I ask for some advice from anyone involved with admissions, please?

[BecauseImWorthIt]

DS2 has just started in the sixth form. We are assuming/hoping that he will go on to university.

Having gone through the whole university application process with DS1, who started this term at Sussex, I am very well aware of what we need to do, that we need to see universities as early as we can, and that he will need a good personal statement.

And this is where the problem lies.

DS2, apart from computer games, has no interests. He isn't sporty (has tried, but has no ability and really doesn't enjoy sport). He has been having drumming lessons for a few years, but doesn't really enjoy it, never practises, hasn't taken any exams and certainly has never responded to any requests from his teacher to get involved with any bands/orchestras.

He half-heartedly enrolled for the DoE bronze award, but it was mis-managed by his school, and he didn't complete it (he also didn't bother to push for it to be sorted out, so it wasn't entirely the school's fault). He has the opportunity to go for it again, or to 'upgrade' to silver/gold at college, but seems now to have backed out of it, despite expressing interest initially.

He did complete (and enjoyed) the World Challenge trip to Iceland that he did with school in the summer - but - IMVHO - this was little more than a glorified holiday. He (and the rest of his team) singularly failed at the fund-raising part of the challenge, so the whole thing ended up being paid for by Bank of Mum & Dad.

We have tried and tried to get him to do more things, to get involved in things - initially because we wanted him to have more interests, but latterly because I am so aware of the need to write something about him on his personal statement other than his academic achievements. (And I doubt that these are going to be 4 x A*, although I'm hoping that they will be reasonably respectable - he is certainly clever enough).

I'm tearing my hair out. We have had the conversation with him I don't know how many times, and it is just not registering with him.

Unless universities have suddenly developed an admiration for children with fabulous Facebook or Call of Duty skills, what can we do?

He can't be the only child like this though, surely? What do candidates write on their Personal Statement (that is acceptable!) if they are like this?

If it would be possible, would him getting a job make any difference?

DS2 is actually a very personable boy - I'm aware that I'm painting him to be a middle class brat, but he isn't really like that.

If anyone can help, I would be very grateful. I would be so sad if he was unable to achieve a university place because of this.

ISWM it looks as though BIWI's DS needs to find something to hook him onto a subject. All the other stuff is secondary, however laudable.

I think the importance placed on ec's are to do with the academic emphasis of the university more than the subject.

He does indeed have something particular in his family history - my uncle was a pilot in the RAF during WWII, who was shot down over enemy-occupied France. Rescued by the Resistance, and then betrayed by one of them, meaning he spent time in a PoW camp.

This has what has inspired him to take history GCSE. The IWM was thus an inspired suggestion.

I think I might contact them anyway, just to check it out, as you suggest.

RAF Museum in Hendon?

And maybe go and delve around a bookshop for a book with an interesting slant on the French Resistance, or English PoWs. Not too heavy or too tiny print!

Sounds as if you've already got your start.

Thanks for the inspiration and suggestions - this has been really, really helpful.

I don't want to intrude too much but I've just had a quick look at the Hendon website and they're looking for volunteers (over 18) to help with the interactive part of the museum Mon-Fri. Don't be too deterred by the over 18 aspect. He could easily ask to shadow a volunteer for a week in the holidays(it's all part of the Access and Learning programme). If he gets keen, there must be a Recods Office or research office associated with the museum so perhaps he could then ask to go there.

It's a really interesting museum, the staff are incredibly helpful and keen.

Oh please, YS, intrude as much as you like! In fact, where do you live? I could send DS to live with you?

Records, not Recods :)

No BIWI, my DS2 would lead him astray!

given the family background how about air cadets? www.glrfca.org/cadets/find-a-unit-near-you.html

I know a child who went to this, although not the SW London branch, and thought it was great fun.

For chosing a subject I suggest university visits now. Go to subject talks for each of his A level choices, even if it has to be at different universities. It has focused the minds of every 16 year old I've taken

That is already in the Master Plan, ellis!

Agree about the ATC. DS3 and a couple of friends joined as soon as they hit 13 (my dad was a fighter pilot in the Polish RAF and DS3 caught the bug), but all I would say is that it's a big commitment.

Strongly agree about university talks. Lunch out in a new place is always a lure and doing them this year rather than next is very helpful for those DC who are still fairly rudderless.

Grrrr. I wish they would ditch this personal statement business. Some people by virtue of parental contacts or location can get fabulous placements, others can afford to go on trips to Pompeii (thinking of history here) and others are sporty/musical.

And others are not.

Would David Starkey/AJP Taylor (mind's gone blank as to any more historians...) now fail to get any university offers because they hadn't done Grade 8 Flugelhorn or built a couple of orphanages?

The PS is slightly beside the point here though gramercy, it's about getting focussed in time and sparking an interest.

London is better placed than most places, obviously, but no parental connection is required for most things. A placement which is manifestly down to connections can be counter-productive. Parental suggestions can be useful though, as well as help with first letters etc. What a DC makes of a chance is then up to them.

The PS is there to demonstrate an interest in the subject. It probably tells a story a bit more than just grades. It seems increasingly to be less about ec's and more about why are you interested in our course and what have you done which suggests that the interest is real?

DS1 just done his 2nd PS. The first was for sociology/anthroplogy, the second is for pharmacology. He had a complete turnaround in what he wanted to do. Both these have been written with virtually zero extra curricula activities (another COD addict here). So the second one is awaiting the reference to be attached but the first got him 5 offers at top universities. Admittedly his grades are good. What he seems to do is choose an area he wants to study at university (easier said than done!) then finds articles/periodicals/bits from the internet and borrows books from teachers. Reads this stuff and 'aquires' a good knowledge around the subject in particular areas. He also exagerates (not makes up) any small extra he has done eg. one visit to a society at school becomes 'an avid member of...'.

I think that once your son has decided what he wants to study it will fall into place. He has only just started 6th form so early days yet. Get him to look at different types of humanities degrees on the internet to give him a clue whats out there.

BTW I've got 2 sons that leave school the minute the bell goes and regard lunch times for a long lunch and nothing else. However, the younger on hasn't got the grades so might come up against a problem next year.

This thread terrifies me and encourages me in equal measure. Mother of male,bright COD/Fifa addict aged 15.

My DD had no interests as she spent all her time studying! So her personal statement was very much based on the academic side of her life, why she enjoyed studying sections of her course, her interpretation of aspects of her course etc. Very very little indeed on other things.

She got 5 offers last year and is now at Durham so you do not have to fill your personal statement with outside interests.

Also at 15 she was very unsure of what she wanted to do - she developed alot over the next two years and after a term or two at sixth form (suddenly became an AS student and had a clearer vision of what she wanted.

In the humanities here in Oxford, we tend to like PS to be very focused on the subject applied for; we don't really look for all-rounders. But it also sounds like your ds doesn't have much passion for his subjects either?

although it's probably a separate thread I'm rather sceptical about how many children have a "passion" for their subject and how many have a passion to go to a leading university.

Getting into university is one part of, hopefully, having a good life but it isn't all of it. Acquiring some new interests should make for a happier life.

sieglinde - absolutely right. Unless he really gels with his subjecs, we're fucked.

I'm not in admissions - but my DS is now studying physics at Manchester. He had offers from 5 Russell Group unis and at the open days all the staff said that grades were what they were looking for and the PS was not important. (only to be looked at if a grade was narrowly missed). I don't know if that's a good thing or not!

For those of you who are saying that the grades are the most important, can you give me an idea of the kind of statement that your DC wrote? This would be really helpful

I promise we won't copy it

you can read personal statements on the studentroom website and it's well worth doing so. Mine had found subjects they wished to study and were doing things outside school relating to their career plans, so they wrote about those activities and about books they had read related to those activities. However they only really found their way after I took them to universities, obtained books related to their subject of study that weren't too heavy to read and bribed encouraged them to read around their subject. Some children develop later than others and need a bit of encouragement but hopefully yours, like our child applying this year, will change massively in the 6th form.

My older DCs and nephews all are/were at RG universities/Oxbridge (all humanities/arts)

Their Personal Statements basically consisted of why they wanted to study their subjects, what they had read/studied so farand what they enjoyed, what their influences were as to why they wanted to study x/y/z, what they thought studying their subject would bring to them in the long run.....that sort of thing.

As Ellisbell says (and I have a younger DC too) once they get into the Sixth Form they become a lot more focussed about what they want to do anyway. I wouldn't worry too much about it now, by the time it comes to applying your DS will have much more of an idea about it all. He is Yr 12 now, is he?? Also once he gets his AS grades, you will have more of an idea of where/what he might like to apply for. My DS1, 'underperformed' (I think is the euphamism:)) at GCSE as he was v lazy so until he got his AS grades we/he couldn't really decide what to apply for. Unless your DC has always wanted to be a doctor/lawyer/rocket scientist from age 5 (and there are some of those at my DCs' school) I think it is quite hard to know exactly what to study and there were, for instance, different History courses apart from straight History with very differing entrance grades.

Ah yes, mottledcat. I have two DS and both of them 'underperformed' at GCSE!

DS1, though, got himself sorted out (although not until his final A2 year, which was a bit nail-bitingly worrying), and also had lots of other, valuable interests to talk about.

ellisbell - when DS1 was applying I frightened myself silly reading some of those personal statements