FF SAKE!!!!!!!

[Valiant1]

Hi i give in this is a rant.... My dsd went to MMU on Saturday and is coming home on Wednesday as her room mates don't like her and she hasn't been paid and she lost her phone charger!!!!! WTF she is 20 and is posting this all over facebook e~mailing me and crying on the phone to her dad.. what do we do? We have done so much to get her there ie ringing worrying and fighting her corner when things go tits up and it is time (imo) to let her get on with it and do for her self!!! we have had so much trouble with her over the last few years and thought this was it she is doing it spreading her wings.... we have had her up a&e in the past as she self harms (but hasn't for about 12 months)so this is a big worry for us but then she is 20 and can't do everything for her and make friends for her ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i am due to have a C~section on Thursday this is soooo not what I need right now. But then the mothering side of me comes out and here i am sitting crying as i want to go fetch her and bring her home make it all right!! sorry told you it was a rant :(

Deep breath OP . Perhaps she wants to be there when the baby comes.
Perhaps she needs funds. What is MMU?
Dont think you should fetch her if the section is planned for thurs.
Perhaps send the bank of dad instead. Always works well with flatmates.

Not sure what to say but would like to help......I think the first two weeks for anyone are the worst and they all think they hate and want to leave but it will get better. Has she seen a psychologist as I think self harming needs professional help. I know from personal experience.
Did she want to go to Uni?
It's the last thing you want but also an obviously awful time for her albeit 20.
Xxx

Try and convince her to hang in there for a few weeks. The first few weeks are NOT what uni is like.. freshers week is hell on earth for many students and no one has friends..it's all pretence and underlying misery.. she will NOT be alone in how she is feeling.

Send some cash, ship her a new charger (or tell her to go buy one!) and try to convince her that if she hates it in a month, she can jack it in.. but she needs to give it time. She is probably feeling extra unsettled with you about to have a baby, but she IS 20.. needs to try and stick it a little bit longer.

My DD went last year.. and was hideously homesick (didn't expect to be) bullied in her hall of residence by one bitch of a girl, and generally had a miserable time. But she stuck it out.. eventually made good friends, and has now just gone back early to enjoy freshers week as a second year. She became anorexic with stress (6 stone at 5 ft 8) ..but got help ( slim normal now), persevered and is now determined to enjoy her time there. I'm only saying this because it can be ok, even if it doesn't seem like it at first....

it's very hard when they are struggling but sometimes, waiting before giving up, is good...

Hi all she is coming home for a few hours on Wednesday. Only an hour on the train.medusa I think she is not alone in how she feels and am going to encourage her to stay and see how she feels at half term. and then see what happens. I am hoping that when she gets into actual lessons and she meets people she will feel better, she has never been very get up and do for myself and we have always tried so hard to help but she is 20 and needs to stand on her own two feet. I told her go buy a new charger and she said they too much money so i said i will put it in the bank but wants to come home wed so haven't pushed it!
Thank you so much for the replies my own family are pants and just say leave her she will be ok ..... not a great help ...
cherrylip i would like her to see some one whilst there as i think it would help but don't want to bring it up with her in case it gives her ideas.. does that make sense?
funnypersonMMU is Manchester Metropolitan University x

Hi tell her to hang on in there. When DD1 started uni at 18 she was convinced she wouldn't get on with her house mates as she said they had nothing in common. Well after a couple of weeks she had made friends with them. She is now 24 and us still best friends with 2 of them and also keeps in contact with most of the others. Student loans quite often go into the students bank account until they have actually started at uni. So it may take a few days from her going up there. This is because sometimes students don't actually start uni even if they've accepted a place.

I do feel for her but Fresher's week is not what it is usually like and there is a tremendous amount of pressure on kids to be out every night and having a good time. Every year there are plenty of students who aren't doing that. When she comes home on wednesday arm her with a nice big cake to take back to her halls and give her a door wedge so she can keep her door open and meet people. What is she 'into'? Sport? Or anything else? Does she have hobbies? Go to church? Like knitting!? She will find like minded people, the student community in Manchester is massive. Give her a little bit of money for Fresher's fair so she can join a club or two and meet people. Uni can also be an opportunity for people to reinvent themselves so she could also start something new and break away from the self-harm cycle she has had before.

So feel for you valiant .
And .. what a ...can't find suitable adjective ..lot to cope with when you're off to have a baby tomorrow .Do wonder if that's something to do with her mood ?

Not much to add to what others have posted but just encourage her as much as poss to stick it out a bit longer .You regret the things you don't do .

And re suggesting she sees someone at university regarding self harming - I see what you mean about putting ideas in her head ,but I bet those thoughts are still there anyway ( not to say she'll go down that road again ) .I think I would talk to her about fact that she's going to have to cope with lots of new situations and what strategies has she got lined up to support herself emotionally ...or something more articulate than that .

Thinking of you - you're a fantastic ?step? mum ,she's so lucky to have you .
Keep strong .

Just been talking too her on f/b and she seems better today she has made some friends in a group she with in her taught lessons and has spoke to some of the girls in her flat phew is all i can say... she has added people on her face book as well so i know she not just saying that she been talking to people to make me feel better . I will do her a cake that a good idea and the door wedge will pick one up in town tomorrow. After talking too her i think it is all a bit to much for her she is ... and i can't believe i saying this ... missing her siblings and a bit put out that she not going to be here to look after them whilst i in hospital :( have sent her more money today and she will get some Friday so fingers crossed she should be OK for money she said Dominoes giving pizza away so she had that for tea !!

am going talk to her tomorrow about help in Manchester and have been in touch with a friend who has worked with her in the past and she is going see what help available and if there is any groups like we have here she can go too re the harming you are right we have to to talk about it as other wise it could go to far xx
she is into foot ball and reading books but she was a emo ! so is very boyish in her dress style so i think the girls that were there are girly girls iykwim. she wants to join a swim team so things looking up in 24 hours she gone from leaving and coming home too being OK it's amazing ....
She is my Stepdaughter and i have looked after her like my own since she was 10 i was 18 when i met her dad and love her to bits is soo hard to see her struggle. but she has been hard work so will be nice too see her come out the other side to see it was worth the fighting xx thank you for your support you never know i may be back on tomorrow as she fell to bits again :/ thankyou again xx

Manchester is the best place to be a student, she will love it... eventually. And theres a massive 'alternative' community so she'll have no problems there, tell her to get clobbered out at Afflecks Palace. Even if she is with girly girls in halls, doesn't mean they won't be friends... my sister went to uni a girly girl and ended with mostly male friends or tomboy girls. It'll change her completely, hopefully for the better.

How are things, Valiant1?

I hated my first term at university - used to call home and sob down the phone and beg to be allowed to jack it in.

God! My poor Mum and Dad...

By Christmas, I had finally met the right people for me and was having such a good time that I had to tear myself away to make the journey back home.

Really hope that things are looking up (even though it is SUCH early days) for your DSD and hope that things have gone well for you...?

Very best wishes to you all.

How's the baby ?

hi all sorry been busy xx baby was born at 39 weeks by c section she was breach and small she is growing fast dd1 is ok with uni but can't wait move out of her place. shed hoping to get a house share with some freinds she has made so thats good xx how are all your dc doing x

I bet busy is an understatement !

Glad dd1 coping ,thanks for update .

What lovely news about your baby congratulations! Hope dd1 and the dsd (are they the same perhaps?) love the new baby too! I'm glad it sounds like she is settling down to university.