A Level Anxiety

[Toffee22]

Only 4 more "sleeps" until the A level results come out - not that I will be doing much sleeping...

Eldest son wants to study medicine. 3 "A's" required no slip ups allowed. Have just checked and most medical schools don't accept re-sits. How can I face looking at the cold hard facts at some point on Thursday. I'm sure it will be difficult for my son too! When I tried to talk to him about it today instead of a response he said he would do an "impression of a tree". It wasn't even a very good impression. What does this mean?

Oh wait please do not blame yourself, or him. Some things are not meant to be. If he really wants to go there may be somewhere he can still go, but if it really is a struggle then you have to question whether it was ever the right thing. I worry that we have all become too focused on degrees - it really isn't everything you know. Honestly it isn't. I know it's easy to say when it's not your child facing the reality of no uni place, but it IS the truth. In the end it is his own personal drive that will determine what he becomes in life. Your DS could get a great headstart on a working life that others will envy in 5 years time - trust me.

Hmm, the trouble with a thread like this I guess is while it is encouraging, supportive and fantastically informative and helpful to those doing well, or perhaps just needing a little bit of extra help, it can leave others feeling a bit left behind and
I hope everyone is OK tonight.
Always be happy that you have your DC's, whatever their next steps on life's road may be ...

mrswoodentop
my DD had an a in first history paper and in the source paper she has got a c which we are really disappointed about and i am now becoming suspicious about as you are the second person on this site which has put the same thing. I will be asking for a remark as my DD was predicted an A.

Well done missdisorganised :)

Thank you Fellatio, that was a lovely, thoughtful reply. I do hope you are right and he finds a way.

You are right, juggling, I should not be lurking on such threads and making comparisons/rubbing salt in the wound!

waitofevidence when my DS failed his first year due to not submitting his essays on time, I felt like a failure, but actually the problem is that he was the failure so I had to get over my silly egotistical feelings and support him over his feelings of failure (which he had) to look at the future and learn lessons and be stronger for it. Most importantly I know that his health and happiness are more important to me than my dreams. He knows this too.
Taking responsibility is something which some young ones don't learn as quickly. This is a sign of our times.The whole fees thing has come so quickly and the culture shift needed in the young has been more slow. They are still being brought up by parents such as myself who benefited from the welfare state and so had the luxury of not incurring debt to receive an education.Thus larking around did not have the consequences for us which it has for them. If Mick Jagger at the LSE would have had to pay for his time there he might not have been a Rolling Stone. Not only that but the grades needed for admission reflect another culture shift. My offer for medicine was CCC at UCL and at Cambridge. Compare this with the three A star offer made to a girl in DD year. The idea then was that you were expected to exceed your offer anyway. Once past the interview etc the offer grades were the minimum for entry, not the barrier they are today.
So wait of evidence if your DS doesn't get a place in clearing and decides to retake and reapply next year, it does not mean he is not capable, and it may be the end of your dreams but the beginning of a more real but therefore more rewarding future.

I am sorry I hope my last post did not seem like a lecture.

Sorry, can I just butt in here?

My brother didn't even so much as sniff an A-level. I think his highest grade at GCSE was a D. Now he is a well-respected college lecturer. At 16 he was written off, again at 18 when he failed a year at college. But he was determined. He is far more sucessful than I am. Me who got into her first choice uni.

It does feel like the end of the world for some. It's not, it's just a time to change direction or try again.

fellatio & funnyperson, those are both lovely replies.

wait, I had a friend of DS2's in the car today telling me about his brother; he's had 2 separate first years, at 2 different unis, failed his end-of-year exams at both, & is now about to start an office job instead, which he's very happy about (but he does have 2 years' worth of student debt to pay off, for nothing )

some young people are better off not going to university. that may or may not be true of your DS; if he ends up not getting a place this year then he has time now to consider what he would really prefer to do. If he doesn't know at this point, he could get a job for now & think about reapplying next year; or re-sit his A levels next year, & re-apply the year after; or decide he'd rather not go to university at all, do something else & be a huge success at that.

but please don't feel a failure, either of you

Thanks Funny, Change and Ponders, you are also lovely. I feel like crying now (in a grateful way IYSWIM!) If I could hug you all I would! I know, I know the usual thing is to add "un-mumsnetty" but I don't care!

Just wanted to agree with eightieschick - clearing isn't over yet. For admissions tutors it can actually go in till near start of term due to delay in results, remarking, overseas grades etc.

There are still lots of places in good unis (Russell group, top 30 etc) in many areas of study.. It's really not the end of the world. And frankly uni route isn't necessarily the one for everyone. I say that as an academic who's had her fair share of All sorts of students..

wait - just wanted to say thanks for posting .
I imagine we're not the only ones lurking ,rubbing salt into their wounds .

My DC also not succeeding at this game - I wish I could say he'd worked hard and never mind .
But I don't think he did work hard - somehow he never got the taste of doing well .
And of course I feel responsible ( if only partially ) ,all my nagging and efforts only seem to have made it worse .
But at least I know I'm not the only one .

I think some young people take a great deal longer to settle and focus on education than others, and it is not just a question of ability, but of organisation and a sense of direction. Sometimes I think educational opportunities are wasted on the young as they don't always have the self-discipline or commitment to do their own intellects justice!

I know many, many people who were lacklustre performers at school, or unreliable chaotic employees in the early years of working, but they found their feet a few years later and suddenly got the education bug, or made great strides in their career once they had found the right fit for them.

We forget I think, that these young people were children yesterday - they can't be expected to be fully functioning adults tomorrow!

Now, wait a story to put things in perspective for you:

My nephew who is now 27 went to uni to do Sports Science. He is a fantastic, emotionally intelligent young man with his head screwed on right, and a strong work ethic, but he has ever been especially academic due to struggling with mild dyslexia. That said, he is certainly not thick. However, he worked hard, and got a 2:1.

He couldn't get a job in his chosen field, or any 'graduate level' job (whatever that means these days ) so he took a series of casual jobs in bars and restaurants while he paid to put himself through the training to become an electrician, which was quite a financial investment, on top of his student debts.

He passed his Electricians exams with bells and whistles on, but he still couldn't get a job and didn't have the experience or the confidence to move straight to self-employed. By this time he was in well into his twenties and needed a reasonable income to support himself, whereas most people in his position would have been 18 or 19 year old kids still living at home, straight out of the local vocational day-release college, who could probably work for their Dad's mate three days as a trainee or whatever, for much less money than my nephew needed.

So he was scuppered twice and had loads of debt. Fast forward a couple fo years and he now has a secure job which he does well in, not what he ever set out to do, but it pays the bills and he he has a lovely fiancee and a gorgeous baby and he is doing great. But if he'd gone to train as an electrician at 16 he could have been earning very good money by now, and possibly running his own business. I'm not sure if he could turn the clock back he would necessarily have done things differently, but it does illustrate that a degree isn't always the gateway to a better future.

Oh, and another story. One of my friend's sons is 22 now. He is relly quite dyslexic and got virtually no GCSEs at all, and stayed in bed playing playstation rather a lot when all his peers were dashing off to university.

But he eventually got a place at a more vocational university which is pretty low down on the league tables, where he could still live at home, and despite being a later starter he is training now to be something or other in the building/surveying sphere.

He is not 'bright' but he is very practical and hands on, and he works hard. He may not graduate with a high grade because he will always struggle with the written element of the course but he is good at the practical side. He has been working part time for a local company who seem to really like him, and they have promised him a job when he finishes his course. He has gone from a bit of a no-hoper to someone who has found something he can be really good at, and he will be just fine.

The difference is, a few years ago there would have been no talk of university for someone like him - his course would have been an apprenticeship with a bit of day release, and he could have been earning a small wage from day one, not incurring debt.

Wait - my ds1 also failed his A-levels. He started an OU degree part-time and has now been accepted on to the 2nd year of a degree in a brick university. He's been working full-time for a couple of years and is in a much better place to do a good job. It's not over

I forgot to add in my own DH.

He did terrible at A-level. He went to work for a few years, then applied to do a HNC/D. After two years of that he transferred to the degree. He is the piroud owner of a first. He said he was much more focused having worked.

I've had so many students who've been slightly more mature (whether it was taking a gap year to volunteer in Africa or life got in the way and they started at uni later) and they all did remarkably well. We're talking receiving 2:1 and 1sts. So it's all v doable. In my experience those who've worked tend to settle down a lot quicker and better at uni because they feel that they've chosen to come and are keen to do well. Also applies to those who have the option to do a year in placement or year abroad. Those of you who have such courses or options do encourage your dc to do them. It's really worth it in terms of future jobs and prospects.

wait ginger and any others that feel you or your DC have failed, you really haven't. I am sorry that you are feeling this way but can only agree with what other posters have said that Uni isnt' for everyone and plenty of people do very well having not gone to Uni.

For various reasons I didn't get the chance to go to college to do A levels or go to Uni. I wanted to go to college but as my older siblings had gone and wasted time and money my parents did not support me going and I had to leave school at 16, get a job and give half my wages to my mother for board and lodgings. I worked for a few years and realised I still wanted to go onto FE so did various evening classes, day release courses and distance learning courses and after a very long time finally qualified in a profession where I would normally have expected to have gone to Uni. I am almost envious of my DS having the opportunity to go to Uni now but some of the bonuses of me doing it the way I did it was that I knew it was what I wanted to do (how many drop out of Uni nowadays or don't actually use the degree they get?) and also, probably more importantly, I was earning money whilst I studied and didn't have huge debts.

I'm sure stories like this are not really much of a consolation to you at the moment but I do hope that you manage to find the best career paths for your children. Good luck x

And as ds1 constantly points out neither dh nor I went to uni and we have not done too badly...

University increases your options massively but it does not determine your future.

Does anybody know anything about the engineering dept at Swansea? DS was called by one of the lecturers there late yesterday afternoon, 25 minutes after the phone lines closed and 20mn after he'd gone for a bike ride. I just hope he hasn't blown his chance...

Absolutely to all of the above... as I posted a couple of days ago - started my degree at age of 41, got a 2:1 , offered one of 32 places on Grad. Teacher Prog from hundreds of applicants and at age 47 am about to embark on my NQT year. I was one of very few teacher trainees to have a final grade of outstanding ( sorry in RL I'm much more humble), but my point being, the reason I have done so well is that I had life experience to bring with me, knew exactly what my vocation was and was absolutely passionate and driven to succeed at it, which I would not have been at age 18.

none of these young people are in prison for rioting or inciting riots, all have opportunities for the future. They are still young and our education system blatantly favours the physically advanced.

One young man that I know through my children was thrown out of college for messing about. He is now an assistant chef. They may need time to find what inspires them.

duchesse - if the prof rang him that's a good sign. If they were going to reject him they could have v easily gone into the clearing system and click 'reject'. I've done that many times.

Can't guarantee that he will offer your DS a place but he may be calling to confirm the grades and have a word. Has your son tried calling them and checking the clearing website?

just heard that a friend's ds has failed the second year of his physics degree (having done very well in the first) and dropped out. Now has all that debt and nothing to show for it . Proves the point though that it's better to go into a degree with a bit more maturity and focus or choose a different pathway than rush into something and bomb.

ds's AS results were better than expected, so we were celebrating last night. Now it's fast approaching decision time for him regarding UCAS applications next year - there's so much pressure to make the right choice first time I do worry. I'm a little envious of those of you whose dc know for sure exactly what they want to do.

duchesse I'd get your ds to call back pronto.