Son has gone to Uni, I can't stop crying

[AnnyR]

I know that this is rather pathetic and that I should get a life of my own! But my younger son has been such a friend for me over the last few years. My husband is disabled and our older son is too - so younger son has been a real support to me.

He went to Uni last September and came home for Christmas. I have been very lucky in that he Skypes every week and has a quick chat with me via Facebook on many days of the week too. We have just got back from visiting him for a few days (he's too far away to come home for a weekend). Now, I can't stop crying as I miss him so much.

I just don't know how to get over this. I can't "get a life" as I have been seriously ill since he left and have not been at work for months. Sorry to moan, but I didn't know where else to turn.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

Some parents find children starting school hard. This is another rite of passage, worse in so many ways.

I know some people would say yes you should get a life but for many years your son has been in your life and it sounds like you have done a really good job if you have such a good relationship with him.

Allow yourself time to adjust. You have a lot on your plate and you have lost part of your support system.

I have two young people through university and I still miss 'family' life as it was. Our relationship has changed but is as strong as ever. They live some distance away but we chat and Skype.

Sorry to here you are having a hard time AnnyR but you already know that you have to find something to fill the gap left by your DS. He sounds lovely and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be so upset.

It must be difficult as you have so many problems to deal with but you do need to start thinking about things you want to do for yourself now. Are there any support groups for carers that you could get involved in? Is there anything that will help your own recovery?

Thanks so much for your replies - I really appreciate this. I think I will continue to struggle until my own health recovers - I have been off work since November and have little chance of returning for some time. Maybe things will get better if I can get stronger.

I'm sure it will be easier to cope when you feel a bit better. DD1 is in her second year at university and its still hard each time she goes away again after a time at home. I know she is working hard and enjoying herself so that makes it a bit easier. DD2 starts university this autumn and I think that will be very difficult for me. I am planning to be very busy in the run up to Christmas to help with that first term but I appreciate that you haven't got that option.

Be kind to yourself until you feel stronger.

Thanks, webwiz, I will try! In one way it helps that my elder son will probably be at home indefinitely - he has ASD so may not be able to cope on his own, however much we may want him to have independence.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone AnnyR - we went to see my DS yesterday for the day - all of us - DH and 2 sisters too - and we were very subdued on the way back - there's just someone missing all the time.

Ds is in his seocnd year and DD will be heading off in September so it'll be worse then.

But you begin to find a different 'normal' and it does get more manageable over time....

Thanks so much to everyone who has contributed to this thread - feeling a bit better already :)

AMYr - sorry you're having a tough time. I have a DD at uni and I dread my DS leaving too.

Just wanted to suggest that - depending on your illness - you might find support on a health thread. I had breast cancer last year and have found the MN thread incredibly supportive. Getting support with your condition might help in other spheres of your life - a little.

Good luck. And sorry if you've already done the above.

Sandripples - thank you for suggesting this. I am very new here, so don't know much about all of the threads on MN yet. Appreciate your help.