Guest post: "Women are expected to go home with life-changing injuries after giving birth and just get on with it"

[JuliaMumsnet]

For Birth Trauma Awareness Week, Jen Hall from the MASIC foundation, which supports women who have suffered serious injuries during childbirth, writes about her experience of childbirth and the MASIC's Foundation latest findings:

"When I gave birth back in 2013 I had no idea what lay ahead of me. I’m not talking about the sleepless nights, breastfeeding battles, or any of the other aspects of new motherhood that are widely talked about. What I had to cope with alongside new motherhood is something that is rarely spoken about - yet is a major trauma for the thousands of women affected each year.

Severe birth injuries, or third- and fourth-degree tears, are injuries that extend from the vagina into the anal sphincter and are a leading cause of bowel incontinence in women - alongside pelvic floor dysfunction, pelvic organ prolapse, nerve damage and impaired sexual function.

My birth injury was caused by being left to push for three hours, causing a traction injury to the pudendal nerve, followed by two failed attempts with the ventouse and a brutal forceps delivery where my baby’s head and body were delivered in one contraction. Long term it has left me with many of the symptoms listed above. I’m a shell of the person I was, my confidence has been deeply affected, and I no longer feel like a woman who has control of her body.

My experience of motherhood was deeply affected by the injuries I sustained. I didn’t walk into hospital at 33 years of age to have my baby and expect to come out unable to run for the rest of my life or to carry out the most basic of bodily functions.

At The MASIC Foundation we carried out a survey at the beginning of the year to try and assess exactly what impact sustaining a severe birth injury can have on your experience of motherhood. We knew women would find this difficult to talk about, so the survey was completely anonymous. The survey ran for a month across our social media channels, and we received responses from 325 women who self-identified as having suffered severe perineal trauma when giving birth.

• 85% of women who sustained severe maternal perineal trauma said it impacted on their relationship with their child.
• 49% of women said they doubted their ability to mother because of the injury.
• 46% said the injury affected their relationship with their partner and wider family.
• 34% felt their relationship with their child was affected because they associated their child as the cause of their injury.
• 31% said they wondered whether their child would be better off without them.
• 24% of women affected regretted having a child because of the injuries they are left with.

The results we have gathered are shocking and heart-breaking, and show in stark reality the impact these injuries are having on mums and babies each year. These injuries can lead to feelings that no woman expects to feel or wants her experience of motherhood to be. The results are hard to comprehend. But if you have suffered a severe birth injury, I’d wager you can relate to some of these feelings.

I felt that I was a failure after my birth, that there was something wrong with my birthing body that had led to this. I spiralled into a deep depression, unable to comprehend that a) having a baby could leave you like this, and nobody tells you and b) women are expected to go home with life-changing injuries and just get on with it because they are mothers now.

And these feelings led to a complete rejection of motherhood in the early days. If my body could be treated so casually as collateral damage, then why did either of us matter anymore? What good would I be to my son if I couldn’t ever lift him, play or run around with him? I fixated on the time before my pregnancy and birth, before everything ‘went wrong’. I’d unwittingly given permission for an assault on my body that had profound implications for my future.

If I tried to speak out about how I was feeling to the health visitor or to my GP I felt like I was being judged on my ability to parent. I was told my injury was ‘all in my head’ on numerous occasions and another health professional suggested that maybe it was because ‘deep down I didn’t want my baby.’ The ignorance and judgement I faced only worked to compound my isolation and distress and I feared I was a bad mother because of the things I was being told every single day.

The feminist inside me was raging.

My feelings are echoed in accounts we have heard as a charity, from other women who experienced severe injury during childbirth:

“My confidence, my me-ness, the essence of who I am, has been destroyed, my relationships with my child and my partner have suffered.”

“With my son, I love him dearly, he is the best thing in my life, but his birth caused the injury and it is difficult to square the two,”

“Every year I dread his birthday and the reminders of my traumatic experience. It is not fair on him or on me – his birthdays are not a happy occasion, but every year I have to pretend it is.”

“I am ashamed to say that at times I wished I had never become a mother and I grieved for the life I had before, I paid such a high price to have a baby.”

I know these feelings are controversial to express. But I feel they are important if we are ever going to get the NHS and policy makers to sit up and take notice of women whose bodies and lives have been deeply affected by childbirth injury and trauma. As long as women are expected to endure poor treatment while giving birth, these injuries will continue. Motherhood should not become an identity that disregards womanhood, and women should not feel afraid to speak out about the physical, emotional and psychological effects of birth injury."

Read the MASIC Foundation's full survey findings here.

Follow MASIC on Instagram: @masicfoundation
Facebook: @MASICFOUNDATION
Twitter: @masic_uk
If you're looking for support or to talk to someone about your experience, please call the MASIC 24h freephone Birth Injury Support Helpline 0808 1640 8333.

Jen will be coming back onto the thread on Tuesday (time tbc) to answer your questions.

@MissChanandlerBong22

Interestingly royal wives have been choosing normal birth recently. I suspect there is no need for them to request an elective csection as they will never be treated or damaged in the same way as women on this thread whilst attempting vaginal birth.

Interesting you should mention that - I think you’re right - I looked it up and all three of the Duchess of Cambridge’s births were led by a consultant obstetrician (Guy Thorpe-Beeston) AND a consultant gynaecologist (Alan Farthing).

There is no comparison there as they went private and paid for it.

You could all have those consultants if you were willing and able to pay I'm sure.

These threads always turn into a c-section vs vaginal birth argument.

As PP have said, the answer is not “more c-sections” but better - reimagined - care during pregnancy, birth and the post natal period.

I am very lucky. I had two brilliant vaginal deliveries. And that was because I had superb midwifery care, with continuity of care, lots of attention during my labours, and midwives who listened to me before and during my Labour. That should not be the exception, but the norm. It’s telling that the trial model that gave me this standard of care has since been defunded.

However my care afterwards, when I had a prolapse (incidentally, due to the impact of pregnancy not my labours) was shocking. No one was interested until I paid for a private women’s health physio. Thanks to her a prolapse isn’t “one of those things women put up with” but something I’ve recovered from. The idea that leaking, not being able to run, lack of feeling etc is something that we should endure simply isn’t good enough. And with the right care in many many cases it just doesn’t have to be the norm - but women’s health isn’t prioritised on the NHS, and it enrages me. I’m lucky that I had the resources to seek out help, but it should be routinely available for all women.

I’d also like us to focus more on the lasting impact of pregnancy on women’s health, not just complications because of labour. I know a number of women who had c-sections who have continence issues or pelvic floor weakness, as carrying babies puts so much pressure on the pelvic floor. But instead of a french style model, we’re left with adverts for Lacy incontinence knickers. What a fucking joke.

I had a prolapsed bladder after ds1's difficult b2b birth but thought I'd done jolly well as no stitches. He had the cord wrapped round his neck and survived because after the midwife said for the third time "oh tee hee, no worries, the belts faulty and that's why we keep losing his heart beat." Fortunately dh marched to the door and bellowed "I want a Dr in here now, right now". Cue senior midwife and emergency button being hit and room filling.

DS2 had a heart condition incompatible with life and did not not survive for lo g after his birth at 27 weeks. Whilst I cannot fault the high risk team and specialist consultant I do fault the recovery theatre nurse after I had surgery to remove the placenta "oh are you so upset because you wanted it" and would you mind being quiet, you aren't the only person here.

Chelsea and Westminster mid 90s.

DD was born at Kingston where the midwives were much older, kinder and more experienced and her birth was cathartic and we didn't realise until she was born the complete horror of DS's birth. Interestingly C&W was very quiet for DS1; Kingston very busy for DD but the difference in care was incredible. Possibly because staff at the latter cared.

A couple of years ago I had surgery to deal with damage to my anal sphincter and faecal incontinence that arose from DS1's birth. It would probably not have been available on the NHS. The potential costs of not providing C Sections are underestimated imo. Fine if remedial interventions are readily available but they are not and potential complications are not, ime, understood by the average daft and uncaring midwife who invariably think she knows better than fully qualified doctors.

I felt like I’d been in a bad car accident, then turfed-out i of hospital a hurry and responsible for new baby all in the space of 36 hours.No wonder I got PND
Me too. There certainly seem to be a lot of us who feel this way

I was in agonisingly painful labour for 24 hours. I’m tiny and my baby was predicted to be over 10lb. As soon as I saw a doctor she immediately recognised that it was impossible for me to have a natural birth. She said if she’d seen me earlier she’d have had me in for a c section 3 weeks earlier. While I was waiting for surgery the midwife wittered on incessantly that this was wrong, saying I could still change my mind and be induced and try for a natural birth instead of letting the doctor cut my baby out of me. In the end my husband had to ask her to leave “because the decision is made and you’re upsetting my wife who is already traumatised”.

These threads always turn into a c-section vs vaginal birth argument.

As PP have said, the answer is not “more c-sections” but better - reimagined - care during pregnancy, birth and the post natal period.

I agree and it's a real shame. I'm all in favour of women being able to request c sections but better care should be available for all women including those who want to give birth vaginally.

I also don't agree with the "doctors know best and midwives haven't got a clue" sentiment which sometimes appears on these threads. I had good and bad experiences with both midwives and doctors during my pregnancies/births.

the issue being that mother's rarely get any say or choice in their own birth experience.

I think this is key, and unfortunately it is just as challenging for women who do not want a interventionist birth as those who want ELCS. Women find so many barriers in their way unless they just go along with whatever the professionals deem best for them.

I agree there is some protectionism amongst certain groups of midwives, but in my day to day work I don't really see a power struggle. Doctors and midwives generally work well together. I do see a lot of women who are deemed high risk for less than compelling reasons, and as above, this can have a profound effect on their choices. When I see conflict, it is generally around these issues. But midwives are not a monolith; I know plenty who love providing high risk care on a consultant-led unit. I'm not sure midwives think they are going to become obsolete; the role is certainly changing as the childbearing population gets older and more complex, but someone is still going to be needed to do the actual labour care, postnatal home visits, breastfeeding support etc. The actual act of delivering a baby is a joy but it's is a very tiny part of midwifery.

It's an open secret in the health service that many/most women who are gynae/Obstetricians choose elective LSCS

This is one of those oft-repeated anecdotes that isn't true IME. My experience is purely anecdotal too of course - and I would love to see some research on this! - but of the female OBs I have worked with and whose birth stories I know, I don't know a single one who had a maternal request CS. I know a couple who had ELCS for obstetric issues, but most want a vaginal birth. I am sure this varies according to area and demographic of course. But being an OB doesn't mean you're automatically keen on CS.

I noticed my local hospital’s homebirth team boasting on Instagram recently of how 92% of its patients had vaginal births. Frankly that doesn’t tell me anything. I want to know what percentage of those women had third or fourth degree tear

This was reported on in the 2011 Birthplace Study. Low risk women are less likely to have a third or fourth degree tear at home compared to other birth settings. My trust publishes their homebirth stats including perineal trauma rates each month. Consistently they have an intact perineum rate of at least 60% (most of these women have had a baby before, which of course skews the stats). We also know that homebirth is associated with high maternal satisfaction rates, as is ELCS. When so many women have PTSD from their experiences, things like this really matter.

@CrouchEndTiger12

Yeah. Of course I could. That’s what the poster I was replying to was saying. You can have good care if you pay enough. And royals are prepared to attempt vaginal births but they sure as hell aren’t doing it under the sole care of a midwife.

@teezletangler midwives being required to continue to do the post-natal home visits and breastfeeding support .

After DS1 was born and I had six midwives postnatally in the next 8 days who all said something different, the next time I limited visits to two midwives who were allowed only to discuss the baby's wellbeing. Anything else I preferred to speak to my GP about. I never allowed an HV into my home after DS1.

I shall never forget the first midwife who came who did not wait to be invited in. Who spoke over me and did not listen and when I told her I did not wish to discuss my sex life or vagina with her completely ignored me, rested her left elbow in her right hand and swung her left hand backwards and forwards "Well if you don't wanna do da pelvic floor exercises, your man is gonna say you feel like this when you have sex." I hope you would agree that was rather far from professional or charming.

Unbelievably vulgar and rude and had we not had visitors downstairs I'd have thrown her out. However I didn't and actually in that moment she caused great and lasting upset.

Two of the six were OK but let's be clear, the average midwife is neither particularly bright, nor well mannered. In fact many are vulgar and have zero respect for people who lead their lives in a traditional and moral way.

And as for breastfeeding - different advice from every single one and my 23 year old HV (yup 23) told me that breastfeeding mothers put their babies first whilst bottle feeding mothers put themselves first. I had infective mastitis - when I asked for help she said "I'm not an expert, call the NCT". If she wasn't an expert perhaps she shouldn't have been spouting personal opinions that were wrong.

The entire system needs pulling apart and rebuilding and needs to restart based upon respect for mothers, understanding that childbirth is hard and if one sustained a similar injury in a car accident there would be far more professional and doctor led care rendered, and some basic empathy and good manners focused on the highest rather than lowest common denominators.

Most of the accounts of what people have been through on here are just awful, so sorry to all those people ☹️ I have requested an elective c-section for my first very shortly for all of these reasons. I know a lot of people have found it to be the care they received rather than the mode of birth that was the issue but there just wasn’t one fibre of my being that would allow me to sign myself up for a vaginal birth 🤦🏼‍♀️ My whole life I’d always thought I wouldn’t have children because I just couldn’t see how I could do it. It wasn’t until I was a million and one per cent sure that I’d get a c-section that I actually got pregnant. It’s classed as ‘tokophobia’ because I have an ‘irrational fear’ of giving birth vaginally. In order to have my c-section approved I had to give accounts to multiple health professionals about this ‘irrational phobia’ and basically laugh at myself as if I was being silly for thinking any of these things. Midwives would almost laugh too as if, how ridiculous is she? They’d tell me it was ‘anxiety’ related and originally told me it would have gone away by the time I was due to give birth. I was adamant I had only got pregnant under the promise of a c-section (from all my hundreds of hours of research). Eventually after being made to feel silly for all these weeks while asking to speak to a consultant, I did get an appointment with one. By this point I was anxious and it was affecting my every day life because I had spent so long campaigning just to get to speak to them. The consultant said we would go through the pros and cons of a vaginal birth vs c-section. She then proceeded to list every possible eventuality of a c-section (most of which applies to an emergency and not an elective). She discussed none of the cons of a vaginal birth and just said ‘you can have a nice easy birth or you can have a c-section, you choose’. Of course it made no difference what she said anyway because I’d known my choice for about 10 years! It was just the attitude of the whole thing how I had to sell this irrational fear to them and make myself out to be mentally unstable when every single thing that could go wrong listed on this thread is what I was afraid of. It does happen and it would appear it’s not rare either! Society as a whole has this bizarre attitude about giving birth. I would love to see 50 years into the future to see if time will change anything

Nice easy birth! I am beyond words

@deepwatersolo well done for speaking up, and how dreadful that the doctor berated you for it! I went to NCT classes before my first and the other couples there were all totally clueless. I had been at my sister's first delivery and read enough on here to know plenty. The NCT lady did talk us through sections (I've heard some don't) but there was zero discussion of birth injuries. Needing to sit on a rubber ring for weeks after birth was presented as normal. One of the ladies in my group had a really traumatic birth and I felt terrible for her. She was the one in the group who had been most fixed on a natural, 'lovely' delivery. She looked haunted when we met up after everyone had their babies.

@flyingbuttress43 my mother says the same as you. I remember telling her once that I read women forget the pain afterwards in a rush of hormones. She clutched my arm and said, 'believe me, you never forget!' She had 4 babies vaginally, and suffered through them all. After her first delivery, the baby was rushed away due to a risk relating to a blood condition in my family. Nobody spoke to my mum about it. They brought the baby back hours later and my mum said, 'that's not my baby. My baby died.' Nobody had explained why or where they were taking the baby, so she had assumed the worst.

After her last (fourth!!) baby, in her late 30s, she asked if they could tie her tubes. The doctor said he would need to check with her husband. This was in the 80s. In contrast, I had my third baby in Thailand and one of the first things I was offered at an antenatal appointment was the option of having my tubes tied after delivery!!

I've had one vaginal (induced, with epidural) delivery, one EMCS after a failed induction with a transverse baby, and one planned section. Issues with all of them but nothing like compared to what I'm reading here. I've had 2 friends recently give birth in the UK and both asked me my honest opinion on section v vaginal. It was a difficult conversation because I felt compelled not to promote sections (WHY?!) but it was clear neither of my friends had ever heard of the possibility of prolapse, terrible tearing etc. They had both been told by everyone that recovery from a vaginal delivery is much easier. I'm sure that's true in a totally uncomplicated, textbook delivery. But we should all know the risks of vaginal birth, not just those of sections. They both ended up with sections for different reasons and I'll be honest, I felt relief for them.

@Devondonkey

It’s insane. The contrast really hit home when my partner had keyhole laparoscopic surgery and was looked after for ages in hospital and told to rest up for a month. Keyhole. Laparoscopic. Surgery. God it makes me so angry.

Same here, though it was my father who had they keyhole surgery. I sat in my car in the hospital car park after visiting him (6 days post op & still being cared for like a prince) and cried.

Reading these stories, I’m grateful for the EMCS I had with DS1. I’m so sorry you all had to endure this and are still dealing with the fall out. 😞

Some of these posts have me crying. I'm so sorry to all of you

The lack of empathy from health care professionals is astonishing and for me the biggest contributing factor to my trauma.
I lay on the delivery table while midwives shouted over my head about how I was 'not trying' and 'making the baby tired' (despite heartrate being normal every time they checked). I was flat on my back and could not feel my contractions (whether due to the physical position or being so stressed and terrified) but my request to be in an upright position was met with 'do you want your baby to be born on the floor?!'
Ended up with episiotomy and ventouse which I am 100% certain could have been avoided if I had been allowed to labour in a calm environment and a position that felt natural.
They whisked baby away within minutes before I was allowed to hold him.
2 hours later on the ward they brought him to me and said they tried giving him formula and he threw up so could I try breastfeeding him? Like I was just a second choice milk machine.
I held him in my arms and felt entirely empty, like he was not my child. I was miserable for months after he was born.
While my relationship with DS is now perfectly fine, I am angry to this day at what that hospital robbed from me, that I will never get back.

I haven't even mentioned yet what happened much earlier in labour where a midwife walked into the room and unceremoniously forced her fingers in my vagina while I literally screamed with pain and begged her to stop.
'Oops, only x centimetres dilated, as you were'
The trauma affected my sex life and subsequently my relationship with DH for YEARS. The worst thing is I didn't fully make the association for a long time and I blamed myself, worried I had fallen out of love with DH, or a DC had irreversibly destroyed my libido... only when i had a full on panic attack at the gynaecologists years later, did I realise how deep the trauma was.
(As an aside, it really bothers me when I read people on here being glib about cervical smears, ooh, the doctor has seen it all, don't be shy.... IT IS NOT ABOUT THAT)

But I'm lucky. Because I'm not physically injured for life.

As to what could change?

Well as in my story, I believe a lot of the interventions that cause injury could be avoided with better care, and listening to the woman during labour.
People who are stressed, overworked and underpaid are not going to be in a position to deliver the best care possible. I am sure a part of why people are being fobbed off is because staff at every stage are rushed off their feet and just want to get people in and out as fast as possible.
Imagine if we had double the staff on every ward, if midwives could relax and have the time to focus on individual women - during antenatal and postnatal care as well as labour. Talk through the risks, talk through the options, listen, reassure and make sensible suggestions during labour - listen and not dismiss when a woman is scared or things don't feel right. Proper preparation before birth, proper choices and, in the case that things still go wrong, injuries and trauma being taken seriously and offered care and support immediately.

I strongly believe underfunding health care is a false economy for any society.
The millions of women walking around with lives diminished by severe injury and trauma, most of it either treatable, or completely avoidable in the first place.

Do you think we should move to the USA model where forceps deliveries are largely avoided? I hear of a lot of very severe birth injuries coming from this type of delivery. Has any research been done on the outcomes for the Mother of forceps deliveries?

My first pregnancy ended up in hormone induction due to leaking waters and no sign of labour.
No progress made, so it ended up as a CS.
Luckily we were all okay.
My second DC - I was told it could be a different story and prepared for vbac. About a month before my due date I said I wanted elective CS.
The midwife I spoke to asked my reasons and I said it's not just about the damage a vaginal birth can do, it's the follow up of being batted away by dr's who minimise women's problems especially those resulting from childbirth.
Life is tough enough without having to fight and fight just to regain a 'normal' human body.
Thankfully the midwife knew exactly what I meant and she booked me in then and there.
I'm so grateful to MN for opening my eyes to the realities of childbirth and the dismissive nature of any sort of aftercare for women.

Difficult one about funding and staff numbers. When ds1 was born there were more midwives on duty than women in hospital (Christmas day). It was 25 years ago but I saw no particular engagement with any of the number with work, rather an avoidance of it and the noise they made squawking and giggling. All. Night. Long. That I shall never forget. The post- natal midwives whinged about overwork but didn't seem so overworked they were prevented from telling me their life stories or wanting to talk about my house, etc.

ChocolateCookies123, we know that forceps deliveries significantly increase the likelihood of 3rd and 4th degree tears. I think they should be banned personally

I have said this before and I will always say it. I only had one child because of how badly I was treated , ignored and ridiculed while I was in hospital. I refused to go back to that and do it again. Let that one sink in.

I had a really awful birth, stitched up from one end to the other. I asked for pain killers for three days and they refused. Again. Let that one sink in.

Why are women made to feel they should be grateful for substandard care on the NHS because it's "free". It is not free; it is free at the point of delivery.

If every woman who had a bad experience either clinically or socially at the hands of NHS made a formal complaint rather than saying thank you because the baby was OK, change would happen.

Re large babies. My DD was over 10lbs back in the Eighties. However, back in the Fifties her father was a 12lb baby. There is some link between father's and child's birthweight. I was only 8 stone myself
It was a forceps delivery because labour had gone on for 18 hours.

I did develop stress incontinence and have every sympathy for those who have had so, so much worse. And I agree the French system of concentrating on the mother's well being prenatally and postnatally is what we should be doing. However I was operated on pretty quickly and the MW picked up retained placenta.

The growth in incontinence aids may be the result of incontinence from bad midwifery. Some of it will also be in the natural course of an ageing population.

110hrs in Labour that ended with an emergency c-section as I only got to 6cm after 4 trips to hospital & all that time, has left me a shell of my former self physically. My blessings were that the Labour was pretty pain free, for the whole 110hrs, I had very little pain from the c-section & my child is horribly healthy ❤️👍
I have recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & CFS which are a direct result of the birth & it has left me barely able to live a life let alone able to work 😭

My story…

I was strong, fit, healthy & 9 months off joining the Navy when I found out I was, by some miracle, pregnant.
Told at 20 that I’d need help to have kids naturally due to PCOS, so having kids wasn’t something i really thought about or had planned, but I still took the pill & used condoms, just incase.
I had a way I wanted my life to be before I brought a child into the world & I wasn’t there at 33 when I found out I was pregnant BUT it could be my only chance to be a mother.

I had a termination when I was 19 & I had always wondered how my life would have been if I had kept my baby.
I was upset about the termination when I found out it could have been my only chance to have a child but I made the right choice for me, at that time, with the information I had, so I couldn’t beat myself up about it.
I was still young, at college & had only been away from home for 3 years. I wasn’t ready to be a parent & I didn’t think it was the sensible thing to do, for me, at such a young age.

Then BAM… 33, pregnant & can’t get hold of dad.
I’d known him for a year & we were just ‘friends’ who met up when he was back from the rigs. We went on dates, had a good time & enjoyed each others company. I was hopeful that there could be more but never really broached the subject as there was no rush 🤷‍♀️
I’d come off the pill in the previous few months, for hormonal medical tests to be done, we used a condom & were careful. Condom split 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I got the morning after pill less than 48hrs later & just assumed everything would be ok. I mean I was told I’d need help to get pregnant & it wasn’t the 1st condom to split in my life so I wasn’t worried about being pregnant… how wrong I was 😔😢

Piddling on that stick has created a cascade of events that have change my life for ever & not all for the good.
I’m practically housebound due to how easily I get weak, exhausted, tired & how much my body hurts on a daily basis.
Thankfully my daughter is horribly healthy & suffered no ill effects from the long labour but I do wonder if she has fibro too, even at only 9yrs old she often has pain similar to mine in her joints, & I do worry for her future as I worry she has PCOS like me as she has been developing dark body hair for a few years now .

Sorry if this is a messed up waffle but brain fog is bad today & I find it hard to string information together.

At this moment in time I don’t think I will even work again & that makes me so sad. I waste away at home because I don’t know how I will be from one day to the next & I wonder what my future holds. I yearn for & miss the physical strength & capacity I had before the long labour but I am not ungrateful for my wonderful, challenging, bright & intelligent daughter.
She is 10 this year & I do my best but I know we both miss out on stuff because I am broken 😞
I have thought about putting a formal complaint in & taking the NHS to court for compensation over the neglect I suffered, that has left me broken & unable to work, but I can’t put a case together by myself.
I also don’t know who to ask for help with it.
I have also been told that as it has been so many years since the incident that nothing would come of it but I still have this need to let them know how they let me down.

At the end of all this I honestly believe that if I wasn’t as strong as I was when I went into labour that myself & my daughter would not have survived & that scares me even today 😭

I love both my kids dearly but comparing their two births is like night and day. First was an emergency section from which I recovered quickly and felt great. Second was natural, horrible, tears and dislocated hip. I feel like my body has never recovered. I am incontinent despite having a perfect pelvic floor. My hips and back ache and if I knew how much childbirth and motherhood affected me, I’d never have had them and had a full hysterectomy instead because I’ve had hormone issues all my life and can’t wait to be done with periods. Collateral damage indeed!

Cabinfever10, my heart stopped a bit reading that. Exactly the same thing happened to me. I'm really sorry you went through that.

I think there is a lot of emphasis on the importance of delivering a healthy baby and nothing else matters