Guest post: “Why are women still doing more housework?”

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

Social scientists like myself are interested in housework as it provides a window into the ‘checks and balances’ of power and gender in couple relationships.

In the UK, we’ve seen much progress toward gender equality in the public sphere. For example, the rate of women who participate in paid work has increased from 52% in 1990 to 57% in 2018. Thanks to equal-pay campaigns, the gender pay gap nearly halved between 1990 and 2018, from 34% to 18%.

But it’s puzzling that progress in these areas hasn’t translated into gender equality at home. In 2015, women in the UK still spent twice as much time as men on chores such as laundry, ironing, vacuuming, grocery shopping and cooking. In fact, the time men spend on housework has hardly changed since the 1990s (less than one hour per day). As a result, working women often experience a ‘double-bind’ of work and housework.

Traditional wisdom tells us that men do less housework because they play the breadwinner role. But I can’t help but wonder why women are still doing much more housework, even when they contribute equally to household income. Why have women’s earnings not reduced their housework and increased that of their male partners?

To answer these questions, I analysed data from a national survey of 6070 working-age (20-59) heterosexual couples in the UK. In this new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, I went beyond earnings to examine the implications of household financial organisation — how income is managed between partners and who has a say in financial decisions — for the division of housework.

I find that as couples broker money, power and housework, men both ‘exchange’ and ‘bargain’ their way out of housework.

On one hand, some men reduce their housework participation by handing over their income to their partners, and the partners who take over the income end up doing more housework.

On the other hand, some other men withhold their own income or take control of the household’s income. Such financial control gives them the power to avoid housework.
The only way in which women’s earnings can help reduce their housework burden is for them to keep a separate account from their partners. My findings show that women who manage their own earnings spend much less time (three hours per week) on housework than those who don’t.

Taking control of their own income, the women don’t necessarily have to strike a ‘no-win’ bargain with men. Instead, women’s financial autonomy allows them to use their own earnings to ‘opt out’ or in some cases ‘buy out’ of housework.

Notably, we cannot assume that professional, high-earning women have access to and control of their income at home - quite the contrary. I find that in the UK, only less than 12% of working-age women kept separate purses, another 23% managed household finances, and only around 15% controlled financial decisions.

Around 48% of working-age couples pool their income and jointly manage their earnings. In this case, housework division hinges on who controls financial decisions. If partners make joint financial decisions (69%), the division is then determined by who contributes a greater share to the joint pool.

This puts women in a ‘no-win’ situation: given widespread gender wage penalties and a glass ceiling in the labour market, men still tend to earn more than their female partners.

Much to our surprise, when women do out-earn their male partners, they are seen to do much more housework. Sociologists referred to this phenomenon as ‘gender display’ or ‘gender deviance neutralization’ — as high-earning women deviate from traditional gender norms in the labour market, they tend to reclaim ‘femininity’ by doing (more) housework. At the same time, their male partners are found to do less housework to compensate for a perceived ‘lack of masculinity’ for not being the major earner.

In addition to traditional gender norms, not being able to access their own earnings and have a say in financial decisions still present formidable hurdles for working women to reduce their housework burden. If men still monopolise household finances and traditional gender norms still hold sway, then it’s unlikely that gender equality in housework is possible, however much women earn.

Employing more women and settling the gender pay gap with gender equality flowing neatly into place at home as a result is certainly not the story this analysis is revealing. It’s important for everyone to be able to access, manage and control their own earnings.

Due to a lack of large-scale nationwide data, my research didn’t cover non-heterosexual couples. As families are becoming increasingly diverse, it is important to explore how non-heterosexual couples broker money and housework.

Dr. Yang Hu is a Senior Lecturer in Sociology at Lancaster University. His research focuses on changing family, gender and sexual relations, with an aim to advance gender and social equalities, and family justice.

Dr Hu will be returning to the thread on 21 August to answer some user questions

Edit: Left unabsorbed not in absorbed!

NC fail

There is a cultural problem too. I have recently discovered ‘the organised mum’ group and app which is really helpful. It’s not ‘the organised parent’ though and I will end up doing more of the work because of being involved in and learning through this book.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus - myself, and my DP, cleaned those bits just the other day.

In terms of housework generally, I mainly have to tell DP what to do (over and over again - v annoying), or arrange a time we all do cleaning and get it done quickly. He used to get really arsey about being asked to pull his weight around the house, accuse me of nagging (fuck off!!!!) or of treating him like a slave etc., but he has responded to reason and is much better now at just getting on with things. I still do more than him though.

@Charley50
I know - lot's of people on here clean things I would now not dream of cleaning on a dayly or weekly basis.
(I don't use bleach either...)

In my experience men might do tasks but they are unwilling to give mental space to the co-ordination of things, working out what needs doing and the best way to do it - that's the part that really grinds.

It starts with mat leave. You start doing domestic stuff when you're off work and before you know it, it's your domain.

Housework robs you of the leisure you need to be a fully rounded person. Men are prepared to value themselves enough to pursue personal development (hobbies etc).

Why did they need an expensive study and waste all that time?

I can tell you why men don't do housework and why women do it.

Majority of Men are lazy and think housework unimportant. Majority of women like a clean home.
The tip I'd give is if a woman finds herself with a lazy man that does little housework... Don't be with them... So harsh and almost blaming the women, but whilst men are still using partners as mummy replacements and getting away with being lazy, they will be lazy.
Don't accept it, don't enable it, demand better.

I've discussed this at length with my mum over the years. She is of the opinion that most men, if not all, are putting on a facade about being modern men and equality. Whether it be knowingly or subconsciously. She herself has a great relationship with my father and he "pulls his weight", cooks a few times a week and has "his jobs", but she is the organiser.

My opinion is that it is simply just more naturally ingrained into women on a very basic DNA level - not to do housework but to be the person who has general oversight of how to make life run sucessfully. Even where they are perhaps not great at it, they are by default still better at it than possibly the majority of men. When my youngest was born the girls in the playground flocked to her, wanted to wave and smile and coo. The boys didn't notice. I think that fundamentally men and women mostly are very different.

You mention work and housework. I'm not sure about everyone else's lives but there is so much more than this that I organise. Thinking ahead for buying clothes, rotating and washing old childrens clothes, planning parties, Christmas, birthdays, appointments etc all of which requires more work if you have a strict budget. In our case we have children with additional needs to lots of things to research and extra appointments to attend. All of this needs planning and managing. Then theres the meal planning and shopping and organisation of holidays. Yes men can do these things to but it's often the woman who organises the household finances and if (like us) we have a strict budget then ideally the same person needs to have full oversight. I have tried to delegate before. A recent example DH organised the house insurance. I asked if it was the same level of cover as the year before. He assured me he'd checked. Of course the cover was about 20% of what we needed. He later told me he was rushing because he was tired and had other things to do (it's true he did). Our priorities are different. Fundamentally he believes that fast is fast whereas I believe that fast is slow because you have to di it again. I'm not sure if all women and men are like this but it's how we are. Everyone has their reasons.

I used to work full time but there is no way I can manage a full time job, 3 children and all of the above. I am currently on mat leave soon to be part time self employed. DH works full time and then has a second job in the evenings so there is minimum time for his to chip in more than he does (he actually does quite a lot - but is blind to the overall picture and doesn't see things like dirty clothes strewn around, things that are a hazard etc).

Modern life is set so that people need more money to survive - that has to come first. Neither dh nor I are 100% happy with the current set up but that's life and it works for us as well as it can for now.

I do most of the cleaning. DH will hoover but not tidy up so around things

He works more hours but he does do a lot in the garden, will do washing and cooks.

I tend to do shopping and finances.

I'm more bothered about mess and clutter

I think in part it's to do with standards. DH sets his bar at 'good enough' but mine is higher. When I clean the kitchen I don't just take care of the dishwasher, wipe surfaces and sweep floor (like DH would do) I wipe down the cupboards because I hate seeing fingerprint marks - he just doesn't care about that. I mop the floor even when it 'looks clean' because you can't see bacteria!

There are also many other reasons across different households such as perceived time available V hours spent earning money, entitlement to not do it, expectation of a.n.other to do it and good old fashioned sexism.

After resentment piled up, we made a list and discussed what things dh could own in full. He’s much better at routine than ‘seeing’ what needs doing, so he does everything for the kids. Ordering uniform, getting them dressed, paying for swimming lessons, responding to party invitations, buying birthday presents, overseeing homework. It took a while for me to properly let go, biting my tongue when he spent £50 on a present. But I’m quite practised now at not feeling guilty. He also does all the recycling, bins, washing if we need to do extra. We do have a cleaner who also does laundry, so we have outsourced a lot as well. I manage all the finances, though I recently hired a remote PA by the hour to do things like book holidays, check us into flights, find the best car insurance, and keep on top of our bills. We both work full time, so we outsource as much as possible. We still argue a lot, for example on holiday where I have to take the lead on navigating, driving, managing all the logistics of our itinerary, including food and anything else. Apparently, I have unrelenting standards, which I acknowledge, but we really are a bad combination. Will you try very hard to avoid situations that bring out the worst in each of us.

I think that fundamentally men and women mostly are very different

I disagree. I think it is social conditioning and expectation.

I also don’t think it’s anything to do with pay gaps or men not having the same standards.

My husband is useless around the house. Happy to do stuff, but I need to direct and constantly ask. When he was off work for a while, he expected me to write a list of things for him to do. When I asked why he couldn’t just do it, like I do, he genuinely thought I wbu. I “know” what needs doing, so it’s no big deal for me to tell him.

I only need look to his upbringing. Mil did much of the childcare for nieces and nephews. The girls were given dusters and toy hoovers and enjoyed “helping nanny with the housework”. Boys were given video games and films to watch.

The girls were essentially “trained” to do housework as soon as they can walk. Conversely it wasn’t something boys ever needed to think about.

Interestingly, i have known several boys and men who know exactly how to manage a household. My friend thought for ages her house just didn’t get dirty and was easy to keep on top of. When she had a baby she laughed at the thought of a cleaner, there wasn’t that much to do. Because her husband did it. When he went to the toilet he emptied the wash basket and loaded the machine. Hoovered when something got spilt. Moved clutter. All those little things that we do instinctively.

The interesting bit being these men had all sadly lost their mums in childhood, and had grown up with the role of looking after the house and younger siblings while dad worked.

I think it's interesting that your research seems to be focussed on what women can do to change things, when really it's men who aren't pulling their weight. It's men that need to change, not women.

(50/50 here but with a cleaner and someone to cut the grass, shared earnings and financial decisions, I earn more)

think it's interesting that your research seems to be focussed on what women can do to change things, when really it's men who aren't pulling their weight. It's men that need to change, not women

Agreed. Although I do think we are going backwards wrt gender roles- i see many posts now where women believe men and women are fundamentally or genetically different, and that women are somehow “more natural” at wifework- see some posts above.

Women do need an attitude adjustment and stop with the mindset that men don’t see dirt in the same way, or aren’t programmed to “nest” or whatever. It just enables as women pick up the slack and excuse men.

Imo it needs to start with our children. Stop with the pink/blue stereotypes. Buy boys toy hoovers and encourage role play like we do with girls. Stop with “boys toys” and “girls toys”. Childcare providers need to make an effort with encouraging boys into “home corners”

It’s society and attitudes that need to change. I grew up in the 70’s where it was seen as modern and progressive to buy your son dolls. Today’s attitudes feel victorian in comparison.

There was a thread in Relationships where a poster was working through a failing marriage. She'd had many years where her husband had not pulled his weight with housework. It emerged in marriage counselling that the reason he hadn't "helped" was because he didn't want to.

Astonishing isn't it how simple that reason is? Presumably he also didn't see why he should have to (social conditioning) and didn't worry about it (no fear of social opprobrium).

There's a great Facebook page called "The Man Who Has It All" - it's very satirical & aims to highlight the sexism, misogyny & social pressure women face.

And there's the "My wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" - a great blog/article by a bloke who got the concept of pulling your weight on the domestic front too late to save his marriage. Needles to say, he gets it now.

My friend thought for ages her house just didn’t get dirty and was easy to keep on top of. When she had a baby she laughed at the thought of a cleaner, there wasn’t that much to do. Because her husband did it. When he went to the toilet he emptied the wash basket and loaded the machine. Hoovered when something got spilt. Moved clutter. All those little things that we do instinctively.

This is me.

I don't buy it that men simply cannot plan and organise and keep several things running at the same time. They manage to run most of Fortune500 companies. But can't figure out how to sort washing? Nah.

KatharinaRosalie

Agreed and yet here in Mumsnet you read all the time about how men need lists, orders and telling what to do etc etc.

It's because at work they'll get the sack, at home they can treat women like their skivvies and be allowed get away with it.
If a man can drive, work, organise nights out, organise hobbies and holidays, they can sure as hell sort a washer, hoover, dishwasher etc etc. But they know someone else will do it if they can't be arsed.

This pointless study is pointless...

Hello everyone,

Thanks for all the questions so far, and I'm looking forward to answering them.

(Statistical) data analyses are good at telling us the aggregate social patterns/trends, but they don't tell us much about our everyday experiences. This means not every individual can fit neatly into the statistical findings. So thank you very much for sharing your stories, experiences and views.

Many of you mentioned the gendered standards of cleanliness. There is actually a recent study on this (journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0049124119852395). A group of researchers from Australia and the USA conducted an experiment, in which they asked more than 600 men and women to rate the level of cleanliness in a set of pictures (rooms of different levels of messiness and cleanliness).

They found that men are not 'dirt blind' per se. In fact, the men and women came up with similar cleanliness ratings for the same pictures. But when asked whether they felt responsible for cleaning up the mess, the men and women provided very different responses: the women were much more likely to feel that they are responsible for maintaining cleanliness. As mentioned in many of the posts, the gender norm is still widespread that women are expected to take care of domesticity. However, this does not rule out the fact that some men actively take on domestic labour.

Many of you also mentioned that women are more likely to worry about and feel emotionally engaged with domesticity. Indeed, a recent study (journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122419859007) found that women not only spend more time on 'physical' housework such as cleaning, laundry, etc., women are also more likely than men to perform the 'cognitive' and emotional dimension of housework (e.g. deciding what food to cook (not just cooking), choosing a brand when shopping for a certain item, etc. - you can find a fuller list in the article cited here).

These observations are not to discredit the bulk of domestic tasks such as garage work, gardening, etc. done by men (as mentioned in some posts). But even when we take these tasks into account, women still spend more time on housework overall.

What is interesting / potentially problematic here is how in our culture the performance of different housework tasks is taken to define 'feminity' and 'masculinity', and men and women are both held to and judged against these gender norms (in terms of housework).

(The post is running long, I'll initiate a few new posts to answer some of your specific questions)

[quote Charley50]@Prokupatuscrakedatus - myself, and my DP, cleaned those bits just the other day.

In terms of housework generally, I mainly have to tell DP what to do (over and over again - v annoying), or arrange a time we all do cleaning and get it done quickly. He used to get really arsey about being asked to pull his weight around the house, accuse me of nagging (fuck off!!!!) or of treating him like a slave etc., but he has responded to reason and is much better now at just getting on with things. I still do more than him though. [/quote]

Indeed, women not only tend to do more housework - they are also found to spend more time planning and worrying about housework. There is a gender gap in 'cognitive labour' as some scholars have found (journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122419859007).

@MaverickSnoopy

I've discussed this at length with my mum over the years. She is of the opinion that most men, if not all, are putting on a facade about being modern men and equality. Whether it be knowingly or subconsciously. She herself has a great relationship with my father and he "pulls his weight", cooks a few times a week and has "his jobs", but she is the organiser.

My opinion is that it is simply just more naturally ingrained into women on a very basic DNA level - not to do housework but to be the person who has general oversight of how to make life run sucessfully. Even where they are perhaps not great at it, they are by default still better at it than possibly the majority of men. When my youngest was born the girls in the playground flocked to her, wanted to wave and smile and coo. The boys didn't notice. I think that fundamentally men and women mostly are very different.

You mention work and housework. I'm not sure about everyone else's lives but there is so much more than this that I organise. Thinking ahead for buying clothes, rotating and washing old childrens clothes, planning parties, Christmas, birthdays, appointments etc all of which requires more work if you have a strict budget. In our case we have children with additional needs to lots of things to research and extra appointments to attend. All of this needs planning and managing. Then theres the meal planning and shopping and organisation of holidays. Yes men can do these things to but it's often the woman who organises the household finances and if (like us) we have a strict budget then ideally the same person needs to have full oversight. I have tried to delegate before. A recent example DH organised the house insurance. I asked if it was the same level of cover as the year before. He assured me he'd checked. Of course the cover was about 20% of what we needed. He later told me he was rushing because he was tired and had other things to do (it's true he did). Our priorities are different. Fundamentally he believes that fast is fast whereas I believe that fast is slow because you have to di it again. I'm not sure if all women and men are like this but it's how we are. Everyone has their reasons.

I used to work full time but there is no way I can manage a full time job, 3 children and all of the above. I am currently on mat leave soon to be part time self employed. DH works full time and then has a second job in the evenings so there is minimum time for his to chip in more than he does (he actually does quite a lot - but is blind to the overall picture and doesn't see things like dirty clothes strewn around, things that are a hazard etc).

Modern life is set so that people need more money to survive - that has to come first. Neither dh nor I are 100% happy with the current set up but that's life and it works for us as well as it can for now.

Cross-national research found that welfare provision (i.e. money and resource) does make a huge difference to gender equality in and women's performance of domestic, cognitive and emotional labour at home. Cultural context matters, too.

Not sure DNA is the answer - if we believe in biological determinism, then there is little hope and scope for change. But if we look back into history, we can see how far our culture has moved beyond biology (in the progress toward gender egalitarianism), despite a long way to go still. Culture, socialisation and normative expectations (from a young age) play an important role.

@PeriComoToes

I think in part it's to do with standards. DH sets his bar at 'good enough' but mine is higher. When I clean the kitchen I don't just take care of the dishwasher, wipe surfaces and sweep floor (like DH would do) I wipe down the cupboards because I hate seeing fingerprint marks - he just doesn't care about that. I mop the floor even when it 'looks clean' because you can't see bacteria!

There are also many other reasons across different households such as perceived time available V hours spent earning money, entitlement to not do it, expectation of a.n.other to do it and good old fashioned sexism.

Yes, standards and normative expectations play a prominent role - journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0049124119852395 - women and men are held responsible for different standards of cleanliness.

We need at least another generation to pass - my parents, much as they modelled pretty equal behaviour thanks to my mum being disabled, still expect me to keep the house nice and 'look after' DH (because he puts up with so much with my medical problems, doncha know...). Luckily DH also grew up in a house where his mum didn't do housework and is the worst cook ever, so he'd decided to learn how to keep his place clean before I met him. He still insists on doing his own laundry. But even his parents think he and his brother are somehow emasculated by cooking and childcare etc. Luckily both inherited stubborn streaks and do it regardless.

My dad was embarrassed to admit he changed my nappies (1970s) because he didn't know any other men who generally did. Now most men would be embarrassed to say they didn't (Jacob Rees-Mogg aside) - even 15 years ago I only know one man who didn't and he shaped up by the time his second child was born (his wife had a list of demands if they were to have another kid, and he finally stepped up, but only after realising all his male friends thought he wasn't pulling his weight).

The 'copying parents' behaviour' thing seems to be absent from my kids so no idea how they'll clean and all in future, but I'm sure they can learn just like I did (and taught plenty of lads too).

@bluebluezoo

think it's interesting that your research seems to be focussed on what women can do to change things, when really it's men who aren't pulling their weight. It's men that need to change, not women

Agreed. Although I do think we are going backwards wrt gender roles- i see many posts now where women believe men and women are fundamentally or genetically different, and that women are somehow “more natural” at wifework- see some posts above.

Women do need an attitude adjustment and stop with the mindset that men don’t see dirt in the same way, or aren’t programmed to “nest” or whatever. It just enables as women pick up the slack and excuse men.

Imo it needs to start with our children. Stop with the pink/blue stereotypes. Buy boys toy hoovers and encourage role play like we do with girls. Stop with “boys toys” and “girls toys”. Childcare providers need to make an effort with encouraging boys into “home corners”

It’s society and attitudes that need to change. I grew up in the 70’s where it was seen as modern and progressive to buy your son dolls. Today’s attitudes feel victorian in comparison.

Agree, there is much men need to do and change (and yes, we need a societal shift in cultural and normative attitudes - we have travelled a long way in that regard as you mentioned). My research was about women as much as about men - in revealing the different modes in which men and women negotiate / 'bargain' over housework (given the limited space of the original post, some of the barriers faced by women were highlighted). I agree with you: socialisation matters a lot, too- we have seen major generational shifts over the past decades when it comes to gender socialisation.

@jackparlabane

We need at least another generation to pass - my parents, much as they modelled pretty equal behaviour thanks to my mum being disabled, still expect me to keep the house nice and 'look after' DH (because he puts up with so much with my medical problems, doncha know...). Luckily DH also grew up in a house where his mum didn't do housework and is the worst cook ever, so he'd decided to learn how to keep his place clean before I met him. He still insists on doing his own laundry. But even his parents think he and his brother are somehow emasculated by cooking and childcare etc. Luckily both inherited stubborn streaks and do it regardless.

My dad was embarrassed to admit he changed my nappies (1970s) because he didn't know any other men who generally did. Now most men would be embarrassed to say they didn't (Jacob Rees-Mogg aside) - even 15 years ago I only know one man who didn't and he shaped up by the time his second child was born (his wife had a list of demands if they were to have another kid, and he finally stepped up, but only after realising all his male friends thought he wasn't pulling his weight).

The 'copying parents' behaviour' thing seems to be absent from my kids so no idea how they'll clean and all in future, but I'm sure they can learn just like I did (and taught plenty of lads too).

Yes, existing research has found evidence for behaviour modelling between parents and children. But the interaction between parents and children is also 'moderated' by context/cultural norms - i.e. children (and particularly adolescents) can read into both parental behaviours and cultural norms in deciding what to learn/imitate (particularly when parental behaviours differ from cultural norms)