My son was five years old when I met him - and I was petrified. I wanted to adopt and be a mother so much, but what if we didn't like each other, or I couldn't love him? Thomas was so desperate for a forever family though that he came running up to my car and announced to the entire street "Everyone, this is my new mum". I wanted to run to him and give him a hug, but equally I just wanted to get back in my car and drive away, fast.
We sat on the sofa together and we read the book I had prepared for him. He put his arm around my back and I realised: he didn't want to let me go, but didn't want others to see either. I cried the whole journey home. My dream of being a mum was finally becoming reality and it both excited and terrified me in equal measures.
I had always wanted to be a mum, and as I was single and knew there were so many children that needed loving parents, I decided to adopt. I was constantly worried about whether I would be seen as good enough and I always thought that a couple would be a better option. But I know now that sometimes a single parent family is best for an adopted child.
I adopted Thomas in 2010 through London's largest voluntary adoption service, Coram, which also works across Cambridgeshire and the East Midlands. My Coram social worker helped me through every step of the 18-month process. I hadn't been prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions I would face.
I had been living in a bubble, surrounded by nieces and nephews who were loved and well looked after. Now I realise how naive I was. Understanding more about adoptive children and their experiences upset me, but it didn't take me off track.
When I showed an interest in meeting with Thomas's social workers I was advised they were considering whether to keep him in long-term care. This was because he was getting 'too old' and was displaying behaviour that could make it difficult for him to be adopted. Well, we proved that to be rubbish. We have had some extremely difficult and emotional occasions over the past five years, but he is a healthy, loving, kind, secure, happy 10-year-old... just like any other.
Whilst Thomas wanted to be adopted and wanted a forever mum, it took him about two years to really believe it had happened. After about three months his behaviour started getting physical and he would get angry quickly and without obvious reason. Thomas needed so much reassurance, he needed to know that no matter what, I was his mum and we were staying together. He tried to push me to tell him to leave, but instead of pushing him away, I drew him closer. It was difficult to deal with and at times it made me doubt his happiness - but eventually he trusted me, which made him so much more settled, and he flourished quickly after that.
During the early days I felt immense pressure. I felt continuously guilty that Thomas didn't have a father figure in his life. Other parents expected Thomas to be just like other children. Yet I never regretted my decision. I fell in love with Thomas quickly and all my priorities changed. I no longer wanted a high-flying career, I just wanted time and fun with my son. My life has changed beyond recognition and I love the mum I have become.
Thomas and I are a great team. We have learnt to love, laugh and share so many incredible experiences, most of which neither of us would have been able to achieve without each other.
Whilst I understand that most adoptive parents would prefer a younger child or baby to become part of their family, I believe some parents are missing out on the beauty of adopting an older child. Every child wants a safe, happy and loving home - my son was no different. Due to his age when he came to me, he understood most of the details of his past. We talk about it openly, and he understands he is not at fault for any of it. I believe this will assist Thomas in future years when he gains a deeper understanding of his early childhood.
It's not always been easy. Thomas's early childhood was traumatic and that doesn't fully leave a child when they're adopted. But we have been well supported and those experiences have made us the family we are today. Adopting my beautiful son was the best decision I have ever made, I feel very privileged and proud to be his mum. I believe we are perfect together.