It was the day before my 12-week scan that I started to have low level cramps. Very quickly, my whole body was wracked with violent contractions which lasted for hours.
I'd already excitedly joined the 'Due in October' thread, I'd felt a bond with the women I encountered on the pregnancy board. I'd chatted with them about hopes and fears.
But then, the day before the scan, things went wrong. I'd spent what felt like a long first trimester counting down the weeks. I'd been planning how life might change with a baby and adjusting mentally to the fun ahead.
At the hospital, it was in a monosyllabic tone that the sonographer told us our baby had died. We were sent back to the waiting room, amid the smiling faces and scan photos, aching.
The feeling you get when you've spent a trimester with a baby inside you, only to find yourself not pregnant is hard to describe. I missed my baby so much.
Then there was the physical side of miscarriage. I had to wait a week before I passed the pregnancy sac. I didn't look. Later, I met people who had. Yes, there is a tiny baby in there. These are the brutal things people don't tell you.
This was my third miscarriage. I'd had two in my early 20s, before I met David. They had come at a point when I hadn't been planning on children. So, I'd brushed them off and got on with life. What they meant though, was that this was my third lost baby.
I returned to Mumsnet, not to the 'Due in October' thread, but to the miscarriage forum which became my lifeline. There, I found women who were going through the same thing. Talking helped. They were informed women swapping support, information and hand-holding. I found a general lack of support from the medical profession. It was only through talking and asking questions on the forum that I found out who the experts were and how I could go about seeing them.
My newfound friends, some of whom had become friends in real life, were where I found support. It felt entirely natural to be elated when someone I'd never met had a positive pregnancy test or to shed a few tears when another had a miscarriage.
It was around this time I decided to film my experiences and document what was happening around miscarriage.
As a journalist my instinct was to track down doctors who might be able to help, interview the specialists and to map the facts. While I did this, I started to film my own experiences.
It was through the miscarriage forum that I found the expert who would be able to explain why I had lost my babies. It was the place I first heard talk about high levels of natural killer cells. The discussion rang serious bells with me. I arranged to see the pioneer of the treatment for these cells - Mr Hassan Shehata at the Miscarriage Clinic. I took my camera with me for the moment we heard the diagnosis. I had some of the highest levels of killer cells the clinic had seen. We started treatment.
The theory behind natural killer cells is that when a woman is pregnant, her immune system kicks in and sees the baby as a foreign object. The diagnosis is controversial - not all miscarriage experts agree on it - but I had to believe in someone and Mr Shehata's confidence that he could treat me helped me feel more positive.
He prescribed a course of steroids as well as a monthly infusion of intralipids - a soy and milk mixture thought to help dampen down killer cells.
I suffered another miscarriage on the treatment, but, ultimately, I went on to have two successful pregnancies. They were not magical times, all I could do was live day to day, moment to moment. But the fear of miscarriage was with me always - in every twinge and every feeling. But, miracle of miracles, at every terrifying scan there was a heartbeat.
With two lovely boys, Sebastian, three, and Elliot, almost 10 months, we have found our happy ending. But I am aware not everyone will be able to find theirs. I am also aware that right now there are many people on the miscarriage forum searching for answers and needing a place to talk. Occasionally I drop in, to see if I can be helpful. It might sound dramatic, but without the informed and courageous women I met on the miscarriage forum on Mumsnet I might not have had my children. I hope my research would have eventually led me to the right experts, without having to go through another miscarriage, but I will never know for sure.
Lisa Francesca Nand's documentary,First Heartbeat, screens tomorrow night at 10pm on TLC.
October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day and marks the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week.
The Mumsnet Miscarriage Care campaign aims to ensure that all miscarrying women get the good, respectful, empathetic care that they need. Find out more here.