I'd finished having my own babies when I found out what a doula was. I was at a coffee morning with my twins and it was basic nosiness that led me to where I am now. I'm glad of it every day.
Another mother was telling someone about how she became a doula. My curiosity was instantly piqued, especially as I had already supported my sister at the birth of my niece, and a friend at the birth of her son some 8 years later. And so, despite this career path never being on the list of ambitions when I was at school - or any time after - I became a doula in my late 30s. I have been with Doula UK since 2006 and became co-vice chair in 2014.
So, what is a doula? The easy answer is a professional birth companion. It's someone, usually a woman, who visits the expectant mum a few times during pregnancy to get to know her and talk through her expectations around birth and the few days after. To my clients, I am there as their constant, whether they birth at home or in a hospital, no matter who comes and goes. They call, I go. They labour, I wait. They birth, I wait, support, hold, step back, encourage, smile, photograph. Whatever it is that my client wants, I provide - although I am not there to take the place of a partner.
Unlike midwives, doulas do not do anything medical or clinical. We do not perform sweeps or palpate babies or monitor foetal heart rates. We are there to signpost information and bring a sense of continuity and safety to our client. We are there to put a hand to the back of the partner that is suddenly scared. There really is so much to the role.
When I first became a doula, I was like an evangelist reborn. I wanted every pregnant woman, every human being to know just how amazing birth is and could be. The longer that I doula, the more pragmatic I become, not because I doubt the birthing process, but because I see how many different things can and do affect that birthing space.
Let me be clear, there are women and/or babies that need medical intervention to ensure their safety and health. I do, however, believe that birth is not to be feared and that it is a physiological norm. To watch a woman birth in an uninterrupted birth space is to be filled with wonder.
"The best thing about the birth pause is when everyone sits right back and mum, dad and baby fall in love with each other. You can feel the oxytocin rising and rising and a sense of the miraculous happening fills the room. The only sounds are of a new family forming. It is too precious to do anything other than stand in awe of its power" - these are my words, quoted in the book, 'Why Doulas Matter' by Maddie McMahon.
This birth pause and moment of wonder is, however, becoming harder to attain as we continue to make advances in medical care. Birth has become a medical procedure. Yet, despite this, there are many of us sharing stories and ideas about normality in birth - because normality comes in many, many guises. What is paramount to a good birth is respect for the birthing mother, her body, her dignity and her rights.
I believe passionately in good birth (that could be birthing in a field with a choir or a highly medicalised caesarean) - and that is what I want for all of my clients. A good birth, simply defined is where a mother can be listened to and heard, using informed consent with choices.
So, what can you do, being as each birth is so different? Be informed. Know your options. Ask why a lot. Ask about the risks of all the options.
Two clear births pop into my mind at this moment. Both were twin births classed as high risk. The first mother had had a physiological birth with her first child. Quick and easy. When she told me that she had been told she would need a caesarean, I asked why. She then spent some time asking why and working out what she wanted. The result was a physiological birth of twins on a labour ward that had never seen the like before.
The second mother had done her research and knew what she wanted - a physiological birth. Her labour started and the birth decided not to follow her hopes and plans. Using informed decision-making and consent, she went on to have a caesarean birth. Both women were happy with their births because they felt listened to and respected.
I love the work that I do, and I love working with my sister doulas, but mostly, I love the families that I work with. They make me smile every day.