I'm no Luddite. I have a Facebook account and I love the easy access to friends, information and ideas that the internet brings. But as with all good things, I can see that there's a need to keep it in check. Particularly when you share your home with teenage girls.
I became cyber-aware after buying laptops for my daughters – and I realised too late I should have heeded friends' warnings. My chatty, playful 14-year-olds became increasingly lost to social media and endless profile updates. Facebook, Ask.fm and Instagram soon filled our home.
It wasn't only that our daughters disappeared; they changed. They became increasingly aware of how they and their friends looked, assessing themselves according to likes. They were metamorphosing in front of my eyes, and the experience was sometimes brutal. One girl was targeted by an anonymous hate campaign on Ask.fm; another started self-harming.
I found myself commiserating with parents who were sharing the same experiences and concerns, but felt powerless to do anything about it. The prevailing culture was too strong - there was a sort of collective shrug of the shoulders, an acceptance that this is just how it is.
That's when I came up with an idea. How about getting teens to disconnect for a week? Not only from social media, but from gaming too – an equally compulsive dependency for many boys. I enthusiastically took my idea around to possible supporters - media professionals, head teachers and social commentators - and their reaction was universal: "Good luck. They won't do it!"
But there's a real difference between what we think young people want and what they really want. Maybe that's because, unlike adults, they're wired up for change and development. Or maybe the challenge to disconnect tapped into their latent concerns.
Girls in particular were aware of how anxious social media could make them feel. One girl spoke to me about the daily pressures. "People are so bitchy and say really horrible things. You have to be comfortable in your self to know it doesn't matter. But nobody can be that thick-skinned. It's always going to get to you." So would she consider giving up social media? I asked. "I'd love to. But I don't think I can. It's like an addiction."
Her reaction was typical of so many young people I spoke to. In fact, when I took the project to a class of Year 10s at Capital City Academy, a large mixed secondary school in West London, I was surprised by how many of them described themselves as "addicts". Many of the girls went to bed with their phones, checked them first thing in the morning and used them throughout the day; while boys gave their time to online games. "I play 5 or 6 hours a day. What’s wrong with that?" said one.
At first, they dismissed the idea of disconnecting for a week, but as we looked at their habits and broke down the effects, they were shocked by how large a role their devices played in their lives. Some didn't like this self-analysis and reflection, others didn't care about the issues. But half the class were intrigued enough to sign up to the challenge.
For seven days they gave up their smart phones and gaming consoles and used a text and call mobile that we provided. With their spare time, they read books, did homework, watched TV and had family dinners together. Some even went to bed earlier and slept better. All of them enjoyed more 'face to face' time with friends and relatives.
They probably cheated - some a lot, others a little - but they managed to complete the week. Many of them realised they weren't so much addicted, as caught up in a compelling routine – and they enjoyed time away from it. As one of the girls, Ilham, said: "The positive I got out of being disconnected was finding out I could disconnect if I wanted to."
Masih, a six-hour-a-day gamer reflected: "I've been reading more and concentrating on different things. It’s cheered me up." His friend, Lucian, agreed: "You have a weird feeling inside yourself that makes you feel happy."
The teens I've worked with have been surprisingly open to trying something new, and I've been encouraged they found the experience so positive. Of course it's complicated. We like technology's benefits and riches, and we don't want to turn the clock back. But Disconnect isn't about technology being a 'bad thing' – it's about being 'on-life' rather than 'off-line'. The idea is that young people will put away their devices and connect to other activities and pastimes: sports, books, theatre, music, or just the big outdoors.
Rather than agonising over what they're doing online, I think we should be thinking about what they're missing in the big wide world. And taking a week off their devices is a great place to start.
Find out more about Disconnect and sign up here, or email Erin Cotter on [email protected].