Guest post: 'My fitness brought me freedom - but childbirth has snatched it back'

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“How on earth did you get so fat?” This is the question people wish they dared ask me, as though there are ‘bad fatties’ who are greedy and lazy, and ‘good fatties’, who have a medical excuse. I don't think it should matter which I am, any more than it should matter how someone came to be in a wheelchair or lose their sight. I won’t play that game.

The truth is, my weight only started to affect me when I began tipping the scales at 26 stone, in 2006. The last stone made things hard. I'd been 25 stone for most of my adult life, and things had been going brilliantly - wonderful friends, fabulous partner, and happiness. Sure, I had to look for chairs without arms and allow extra time for walking from A to B, but I regarded these as small accommodations. I refused to take the advice of one bigot to “go into your house and not come out until you're thin.”

Things changed when my health hit rock bottom and my repetitive strain injury got so bad I could no longer use a computer, meaning I had to give up my job as a consultant. Before, it hadn't mattered that I was fat and slow because I had value in other ways. Now that value was gone.

Desperate to regain control of my body, I asked my doctor about weight loss surgery. The NHS was dying to staple my stomach, but I hesitated: if was too dangerous to give someone as fat as me a general anaesthetic for anything else, why was it suddenly okay for this? And if weight loss surgery is so great, why isn't everyone doing it?

I asked my doctor if there was anyone who had lost huge amounts of weight through diet and exercise. They knew one person - so it was possible.

A strong believer in the laws of physics, I knew that there must be a point at which I could lose fat by burning more calories than I consumed, so I threw everything I had into a last ditch attempt at avoiding surgery. I gave up on wishing I was thin. I threw out all my ridiculous ideas about what I should look like in order to qualify for my ‘worthy human’ card. Instead, I started treating my body as my friend instead of my enemy, and found a personal trainer who introduced me to weightlifting and boxing fitness. I became strong and flexible. I lost 100lb. I felt amazing.

Then I got pregnant. Suddenly, what I had achieved – going from zero to a hundred in terms of my fitness - was invisible. All the health professionals saw was fat, and I was a big, fat problem. The NHS stuck a WARNING sticker on my file and my forehead.

They wanted me to have blood thinners, “lifestyle advice” and a special glucose tolerance test (GTT). I was allergic to the blood thinners, turned down the lifestyle advice and my GTT results were so amazing that someone actually wrote “good results” in biro on the copy they sent me. The evidence of my excellent health was right there in front of them, but no one wanted to see it - I may as well have been invisible, or inside a box with a descriptive label: “Danger: Pregnant 37-year-old female, BMI >40. Treat with caution. Assume diabetes, ignorance and/or stupidity.”

There was no point in getting angry; armed with their statistics and conclusions, the doctors had no time or mental space for questioning the received wisdom that obstetrics runs upon. In the end, I was lucky enough to find an independent midwife who judged situations on what was best for me, not by statistics that grouped together every fat person regardless of their state of health.

I had a caesarean section, and now I am confined to barracks, barred from lifting anything heavier than my baby. My Olympic bar and 100kg of weights remain behind the sofa and my hard-won muscle is turning to fat day by day. I didn't realise how much I loved being fit and healthy until it was taken away from me. I didn't realise how great my fitness was until I lost most of it. Now, I'm barely able to move off the sofa.

People keep telling me I'm doing really well, that I'll bounce back to my former level of fitness, but I just don't have the time and money to throw at it like I did before.

I'm now in limbo, waiting for my body to heal and my baby to grow. It's unlikely I will ever again be quite as fit as I was, and I'm certain I'll never be thin. My fitness brought me my health, but it also brought me freedom – and that's what I miss the most.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down

But I don't understand why you think you will never be thin and you will never be as fit as you were .

You are wrong. You will return to your previous level of fitness. Probably fitter. You will recover from your surgery. Parenting can be an active lifestyle. Tho you can choose to parent from your couch. Babies are a challenge. Getting fit is a challenge. From what you have written, you are able to rise to a challenge. It is your mindset. You will heal soon. Why do you want to be thin? Slimmer maybe. Fitter definitely. Thin? Probably not an ideal target.

Honestly, you'll soon start to get fit again. I was in the gym (albeit only doing fast walking and stretching) 4 weeks post baby.

Within a couple of months after the birth you should be able to be back in your old regime.

You've done well to lost 7 stones, you obviously know how to lose however much more you would like. Keep going!

Post CS I mean.

Your hormones are flying all over the place at this stage. Yes it's frustrating after a C-Section but enjoy the rest while you can, it's a reason to take it easy. You can go for long walks with the baby if you feel up to it.

Weight is 80% diet & 20% exercise or so I'm led to believe.

So maybe that's something you could concentrate on

How old is your baby? Post C-section it will take a while to get back to previous levels of fitness but it's not impossible.

Where I live there is 'bumps and beyond' an exercise class you can take your baby to and I've heard of lots of exercise classes that use your baby in a buggy (probably called buggycise or something else droll!)

You've just had your baby so it is hard to see at the moment, but it can be done.

I understand this all too much the NHS only see one side of the picture, however you will be fit and strong again, you still are! I think you need to allow yourself time to heal and do how much or how little you want after that kids love getting out and about it may not be weight lifting but walking swimming running who knows but you need to give yourself time.

I only started my first ever attempt at being strong, fit and healthy after 2 children, both section deliveries leaving me with very bad pelvic damage, and when my younger child was a year old. A slow but steady 18 months later, I'm 5 stone and 5 dress sizes smaller than when DS turned 1. I started from nothing and have gained some control over my body. You have done it before and know you can do it again. You really can.

An awful lot of women feel like their body has been annihilated by pregnancy and birth, particularly a CS. Even the simplest tasks seem impossible for weeks on end.

Rather it's also a great leveller. In many ways it doesn't matter what size or shape you were before your LO. Your body is new to you, just as it is to many mums. You know in your own head you want to get back to exercising, so you will. And there will be a whole load of women at Sure Start or baby groups or Buggy Fitness classes or wherever you go that will be in exactly the same boat. I very much doubt anyone will look at you and think 'how did you get to be fat?' if you are pushing a newborn. They will think, 'Blimey, good on her for exercising with a baby'.

And the poster who said having children is an active lifestyle choice is right. BEfore I had kids I had to decide to exercise. Now I have 3yo's they decide that I need to get up, walk, run, play ball, chase them on their scooters, be a dinosaur etc etc. Sitting still is no longer an option!

Your story is amazing and I very much understand how you suffered from illogical midwife and doctor advice. If only they would start looking at each individual instead of the statistics.
Have you checked out websites like mamasweat.com and katysays.com? The first is about exercising mama's, the second more generally about integrating movement into your day rather than going to an exercise class (which you don't have time for anyway).
My wait fell off for the first month after birth and then stayed at an annoying plateau for aaages until I finally started losing again. Hang in there, you can do it!

Of course you will be fit again.
I couldn't walk for the best part of
a year after my last child: but eventually I started getting in the pool instead and I've wound up slimmer and fitter than I was before my first baby.
As others have said, your hormones are out of whack and you're knackered and you'll feel like a truck ran over you in the night squashing the air out of your tyres and leaving you broken. It will get better. And if you want it enough, you can start chipping away at it again.

Ps you are something of an exception, i would say, to the bmi rule and I think the nhs is absolutely right in offering evidence based interventions to prevent maternal and infant mortality. Well done for bucking the trend but fat is not just about appearance it is linked to worse outcomes and that deserves the extra attention it is given by medical staff, in my opinion.

You can get fit and strong again. I run once a week with two mum friends after baby bedtime. When we started we were all bf-ing and met at 8 after the bedtime feed. We took it gently and jogged and chatted as we were all doing multiple night feeds at that point. It's been such a great routine.
Soon as you're up and about find a "buggy fit" type class and there you'll find like minded mums who want to keep active. I believe for most people an active life is about the company you keep.

Congratulations on your baby. Congrats too on what you achieved before getting pregnant. Take care and take it easy and you'll get back to where you were and better. I really resented my post CS body. I felt very unsure of stretching myself (both mentally and physically) and felt it hard to get back in the swing of things for a while. Medical professionals were the opposite of cautious with me - it was more like 'get a grip woman, you should be able to do some leg lifts by now without rupturing your stitches'. I know they are very overworked, so don't take their brusque manner to heart. They mean well and have been cautious. Best of luck.

It's early days after your baby has arrived, most of us feel like our bodies will never be the same again, and they probably won't! But they can be fitter and stronger than they ever were before. You did an amazing job getting so fit before, your body did an incredible thing carrying your wonderful baby. Go back to what you said about treating it like your friend - a friend that's given you your DC ! Even more reason to cherish it and love it back to the fitness level you reached before and beyond if you want. You can do it again, if you are determined then you find a way, but be gentle and take plenty of time to recover, nourish yourself and enjoy your tiny baby first, it's an (ultra)marathon, not a sprint .

Congratulations on your baby and your achievements so far.

I am fitter, stronger and slimmer now than I ever was before having children. They have given me the motivation to be healthy, to want to run around with them and to set them a good example.

You will get back to where you were, probably even better! Don't worry about it in these early days; you have enough to contend with, looking after a newborn. Enjoy this time and as you start to feel stronger and more used to your new lifestyle, you will be able to incorporate a new regime into it.

I felt terrible about my post-baby body. No amount of "ah but it produced a baby"' or "you'll be able to go for walks or baby swim classes" helped. I just hated being so fat and in pain and inactive.

It will pass. No, you can't be properly active now and it will take time but it will happen. Scheduling proper exercise - not just a trip to the damn park or a toddler swim - is hard but not impossible. I do feel for you and I'm not going to wheel out the cliches but please don't despair.

It isn't easy to find time to exercise with young children but you sound very motivated and you will find a way. For now take it really steady until you are healed from the caesarian and then walk as much as possible with the baby in the pram. Then see if there is a buggy fit class near you.

What I've found since having children is I have a lot more stamina and endurance when I exercise, so please don't worry about fitness. Having been fit before being pregnant you have done your body a great favour as it will be easier to now get fit again. Good luck x

Don't be disheartened. It's really early days for you at the moment. I was 40 when ds was born & was treated like a total high risk even though I was v fit & healthy. It was a total pain at the time but I am grateful that my care was so good. I exercised right up to the week I gave birth & after a couple of months was able to go back to my gym classes and build up my confidence and my strength and fitness. Once you're back on your feet (and the weather's not quite so horrid) you can get out in the fresh air with your pram & gorgeous lo and start rebuilding your fitness. There were classes for mums in my area - buggy fit & the like but I reckon I was at my fittest when I went back to work - there's so much to do with a lo & sometimes it's easier to walk with the pram than to take the car. At the moment everything will take forever but it gets easier. Good luck xx

Definitely take it easy post-cesarean (and with a new baby) but honestly you will find time and inspiration to get fit again. Don't rush it but when you start feeling up to it just start with little things when you can fit it in - getting out with baby in the pushchair is a great way to start. Your baby will start having some kind of noticeable routine/sleep pattern soon so you should be able to work out when you can fit in even ten minutes of exercise. Walking around holding/rocking baby is also working your body. Please don't feel downhearted. Remember that your hormones are still all over the place and you're probably sleep-deprived so things will feel a bit hopeless and unachievable but it will get easier. Xxx

Please smile and enjoy your little one .... and go and find an outdoor exercise class once you are given the all clear to exercise and I'm sure you will find lots of support from your fellow new mums. I found a brilliant buggycise class and lost more than I had put on while pregnant and you get to be with your baby and it shows them about exercise from a really early age.
Take care of yourself

So you were offered best care during your pregnancy (BMi >40 remains a risk factor although of course it was good you were fit and health otherwise) but felt quite offended by it?
And now you are feeling despondent about your chances of becoming fit again?

You should be proud.
You amazing body grew a healthy baby.
Your body will heal (it takes 9 months to grow a baby, give yourself 9 months to feel 'back to normal' again - or, shock horror, there might be a 'new' normal in store for you).
You don't need to 'lift anything heavier than a baby' to get fit.
But baby in their pram and walk - walk tall, walk with your belly button tucked in to your spine and your pelvic floor contracted (surprisingly difficult to do - the concentration required to do this makes me go cross eyed ), take deep breaths. Even better if you find a hill to push the buggy up on.
You can go arm weights sitting down and other upper body work when baby is asleep.

I find your post such a depressed sounding one, when you should be so proud of what you have achieved and confident in what you can achieve in the future.