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Guest post: 'When it comes to contraception, older isn't necessarily wiser'

11 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 18/09/2014 14:49

It was nearly a year ago that several journalists clutched their pearls in shock at naughty Mumsnetters discussing exactly the sort of activities that led to them being parents in the first place.

Barring an act of divine intervention, being a mum means you've had sex. But sex in our society is not synonymous with motherhood; rather, it is the province of youth, promiscuity and lacy lingerie. It makes no room for Sophie the giraffe or the Frozen soundtrack on repeat - or, apparently, for anyone who is not billboard-beautiful.

Media depictions of sexuality in anyone over 35 are few and far between, and this is matched by a resounding silence regarding their contraceptive options.

I've lost count of the conversations I've had over the years with people confused about risk and staying safe, avoiding pregnancy and the different methods of contraception - and most of them weren't with teenagers. Take, for example, the health minister who confided to me that he hadn't known what chlamydia was until he got the job, or the middle-aged man who asked for help with ‘the talk’ with his son because he’d never got the hang of condoms, or the woman in her 40s, embarrassed because “everyone expects me to know all that stuff at my age", and she didn't.

But why would she? Sex education, though by no means perfect today, is one heck of a lot better than it was. When I was at school, it fell to the hapless science teacher to put on a 20-minute video about the biology of conception. There was nothing in there about how to prevent pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections - and certainly nothing about healthy relationships and respect for yourself and others, which are the bedrocks of an enjoyable sex life.

Only 18% of 18-to-24-year-olds have unprotected sex – fewer than in any other age group. Recent figures from the Department of Health also reveal that mothers are now more likely to have abortions than teenagers. Meanwhile, STI levels in over-50s are on the up, and they’re in the fastest-growing age group of people living with HIV.

So isn't it time we reconsidered how contraception is broached with those who no longer match the stereotype of the lusty teenager in need of some free condoms and a repeat prescription of Microgynon? We see many women who've been using the same method of contraception since they were 16, and it’s often the more traditional, less reliable stuff. Anecdotally, medical professionals are less likely to bring up the subject with older patients and talk them through their options, because it’s assumed that when we’re older, we’re wiser - as if we become sexual and reproductive health experts the moment we consider adding anti-wrinkle creams to our bathroom cabinet.

Of course, our apathy, and the apathy of health professionals, might have something to do with the kind of relationships we're more likely to be in in our 30s and 40s. The thought of getting accidentally pregnant when you're 35 and have a mortgage is much less terrifying than if you're 18 with a student loan. But 'less of a disaster' is not a good enough reason to neglect your contraceptive options - not least because if you're not confident in your contraception, you're denying yourself a carefree sex life. God knows, with the various responsibilities that come with being a bit older, it can be difficult enough to find time for sex. Why give yourself something else to worry about?

So, I think we should be taking things into our own hands. Swot up on contraception. Fashions change and technology progresses - the world of medicine is no different, so here's a handy little web page to help you find a method that suits you. Then go back to your doctor, and talk through your options. You deserve their time, just as much as a 16-year-old considering their options. And keep doing what you do right here on Mumsnet. Have those conversations, ask those questions, and shock those delicate flowers on Fleet Street.

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 18/09/2014 19:37

Hear hear!

Tablefor4 · 18/09/2014 21:44

Agreed!

Kick up the bottom I needed to make an appointment with the practice nurse.

TravelinColour · 18/09/2014 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AskBasil · 18/09/2014 23:46

Last time I went for contraception I found that the GP had stopped doing diaphragms.

Was mighty pissed off. Had to rely on condoms, which aren't quite as reliable.

scaevola · 19/09/2014 00:05

TravellinColour

You might be interested in this chart of contraceptive effectiveness.

NHS pages tend to use the 'perfect'use figure when giving fail rates. 15% looks like a 'typical' use rate, but must have a different source as it gives perfect/typical for condoms as 2%/18%

DayLillie · 19/09/2014 11:12

If you follow the table on the link, down the right hand side options, it makes no sense.

I would like to say that not all sex education back in the day was inadequate. My school covered the biological aspects in first year biology and later on we had lessons where we talked about sex and relationships, and why you choose the people you do, contraception methods and effectiveness rates, where to get them, what to do if you/girlfriend pregnant and how to get a test, etc, alcoholism, lack of fulfillment in the life of women with no career (this was the 70s). We even covered getting a mortgage. Sexually transmitted diseases were mentioned in the first year biology, done in detail in the later sex ed lessons and you could study them in great detail, along with physiological sexual response and more if you went on to to O level human biology.

We also had the RE teacher's (a local vicar) view point of abstinence and no abortion which we listened to politely, but he was really good on what to do when someone died, local custom, and what happened at crematoria. (We also covered pretty well what is now GCSE RS with Ethics and Philosophy, so a good subject all round).

There was no National Curriculum, so it is harder to quantify in todays terms. No doubt there were probably schools with less adequate sex education, but I do not want to minimise the effort and commitment a lot of schools and teachers made.

themummyonthebus · 20/09/2014 14:27

I fully agree with the sentiment but why is vasectomy not one of the options on the linked chart? I want a permanent solution but I'm fed up of being the one that is responsible for preventing babies in our relationship. If I'm only intending to have sex with my DH then I'd like to know about the options open to men and their reliability.

themummyonthebus · 20/09/2014 14:33

Looking at the table Scaevola posted, male vasectomy is significantly more effective than female sterilisation.

Trills · 20/09/2014 14:41

I am a bit shocked at the difference between "perfect use" and "typical use" for something like depo-provera.

Given that when I last went I got asked if I was planning a family any time in the next year and to told be aware that it often takes many months for fertility to return, people must be really bad at remembering to make appointments if non-perfect use takes the pregnancy rate up from 0.2 to 6.

TravelinColour · 20/09/2014 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meditrina · 20/09/2014 17:31

For contraceptive failure, I think they count the number of pregnancies per hundred couples using the method for a year.

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