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Gransnet

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Original poster

What do step grandchildren call you?

14 replies

GiddyGrandma · 20/08/2009 01:18

We have a lovely step grandchild aged 5. Known him since he was 18 months. He calls my husband and I by our first names, but he's a bit special and we feel our names should reflect the lovely relationship we've got. However, he's got his own grandparents too (one set he hardly sees). Our daughter (her husband is the dad of above) is having our real grandchild in 5 weeks and we'll be Grandma and Granpy (or Grandad, not sure yet).

OP posts:

lljkk · 20/08/2009 09:24

What about Grandad- and Granny-your First Names? For some reason my dad (my DC's real grandfather) became Grandad-Tom, his wife (my step-mother) became Grandma-Mary. DC have lots of grandparents what with step-parents and step-grandparents, so it made sense to use some real names.
I would have your biological grandchild call you by the same name as the step-grandchild, different Grandparent names won't make sense for 2 children within the family household.

lljkk · 20/08/2009 09:25

Sorry, I meant DIFFERENT grandparent names for the same set of grandparents, won't make sense for 2 siblings in the same hosuehold.

ilove · 20/08/2009 09:29

My inlaws, when I met them 16 years ago were called by their first names by my son. When I had their first bio grandchild, they said that they'd like my DS to call them Nan and Grandpa like the baby would. Was lovely and made me feel that they accepted my DS as a "proper" grandchild. What do your DD and SIL think about it?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 20/08/2009 09:32

MIL is her fisrt name to the dc's but Grandma is sneaking in, it started with her just saying it out of habit as she was used to speaking to ehr own grandchildren and she is now sneaking it in more and more.
We are at the polite thing no where she sems to be trying to sneak it in to see what I say but is too polite to ask and I am too polite to bring it up in case it is just accidental again

BertieBotts · 20/08/2009 09:35

I have a stepmum and my DS calls her by a shortened form of her name that previously only my Dad used, so it's very special and personal. She says she is too young to be a granny or anything yet!

DP's stepdad is Grandpa - but he considers him his Dad really as his "real" dad hasn't been in contact since he was very young.

Original poster

GiddyGrandma · 21/08/2009 05:31

My DD and SIL think its all a muddle too! You see they met and didn't know they would get married at first so the closeness wasn't there at the beginning. The trouble is we don't want to hurt the other real grandparents (even though his mum knows how close we are). He calls my DD by her first name too even though she's more special than that to him.

I think there should be special names for all these step families - I know we are not on our own with this problem.

I must add he lives away and we only see him during school holidays.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 21/08/2009 06:53

My brother has a stepson who is now 8yo. He and SIL have been together for about 3 years so he was 5yo when they met.

They now have a 1yo DD together and when my DN was born, her brother decided that he would call my parents Granny and Grandad when the baby was around, otherwise she woudl get confused.

Now he sometimes uses their first names, but often calls them Granny and Grandad. They only have contact with one other Granmother and have no cousins so they love being part of our big family.

When we send cards, or talk about them, we talk about my niece and nephew. We make no distinction between step and natural children. They are just both part of the family.

Why don't you suggest that your SGS uses Granma and Granpy while the baby is around. He might be just waiting for the opportunity.

pranma · 18/10/2009 15:45

I am Granmouse to my 6 lovely step grandchildren cos Mouse was my nick name.My OH is Hairy Grandad[cos of beard]to one lot and TomTom to the other.

isbell · 28/10/2010 11:16

Yes, need special names AND CARDS!

Have you ever tried to get a mothers / fathers day card for a step-parent or grand-parent? They are not 'Mum' or 'Dad' but the role is often just as crucial.

I can't be the only one lucky enough to have so many grandparents for my children?

BigBadMummy · 28/10/2010 11:19

My children call my ILs (their step grandparents) Granny Pat and Papa Jim. Then my parents are nanny and grandpa. Ex's parents are grandma and grand-dad.

Grandma and granddad are useless, they live the closest but we never see them.

Granny P is as I type on train for three hours coming down because she hasnt seen us or the children for a couple of months (I love her!) and is more of a granny than my ex's parents.

I do Moonpig cards for them on Mother and Father's day, so I can personalise them with their new adoptive names.

lollipopshoes · 28/10/2010 11:21

I had a step-grandad and he was always "grandad" to both us and my parents (he was my dad's step-dad but my dad never called him "dad" always "grandad" after we were born - he didn't use any name before we came along)

My dc have a step grandma who made it clear she didn't want to be granny, grandma or nana and all the children call her by her first name, which I feel a bit odd about, as far as I'm concerned she is the children's grandma (she was married to grandad, she was the one that remembers birthdays and christmas prezzies etc.)

It's confusing for them now because since my dad died they're starting to wonder who this random woman is - if they had always known her as grandma they wouldn't even question it

TheNextMrsDracula · 28/10/2010 11:24

My stepmum is Gan-Gan to my dcs, and my stepdad is Digs. In both cases these happen to be the names that the "real" grandchildren use, so it minimises any confusion. My step-grandmother (100 years old next month!!) is Gran to all.

I don't think it matters what the names are, as long as they differentiate the various grandparents. It is probably more important (in our family, at least) to stick to common names so all the grandchildren/step-siblings use the same name. You will find the new baby will just copy whatever the older one calls you!

shelleylou · 28/10/2010 11:27

DS has more grandparents than i can count on 1 hand lol. My parents are grandma and grandad exp's mum and partner are nanny and name exp's dad and step mum are grandad a and name. DH's mum and his step dad are nanny x and grandad y and DH's dad is refered to by his name.
Exp's parents and step parents are there choice and ds wouldnt refer to the step parents as grandparents as he has only ever met them on a couple of occasions, he barely refers to his grandparents as grandparent IYKWIM. He has practically non existant contact with any of them.
DH's mum and step dad class ds as their grandson and he's treated no different from their biological grandchildren he chose to call them nanny and grandad think it was hearing their grandchildren call them that that helped he does refer to them by name sometimes too.

DeadBodyofKaraStarbuckThrace · 28/10/2010 11:40

My BIL's DSD calls my FIL and MIL Grandad Dave and Grandma Jean. She calls her mum's parents Grandad Jim and Grandma Lynn, so she doesn't diffirentiate between them, but then her biological dad fucked off before she was born and I don't think his parents are even aware of her.

My dad remarried, and he and his new wife are Abuelo and Abuela (Spanish for Grandfather and Grandmother), as my Dad is Spanish (SM is English but I thought it was better for her to be Abuela and she is ok with that).

Think you need to speak to both your DSGCs parents and see what they think.

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