Mum complains about DS

[Starrythoughts]

My mum has always said how involved she wants to be in DSs life. For the last couple of years she has been happy picking him up from nursery one lunchtime per week and having him for 3.5 hours before I pick him up.

It's very helpful and I frequently tell her how grateful I am, buy her flowers and little hampers because I want to show this. Recently, she has started giving me a play by play account of everything that's happened over the last 3.5 hours. Usually it's negative. It's such draining feedback as soon as you've come through the door from work. He has a couple of what i feel are autistic traits though no diagnosis, he's only received speech and language therapy. It makes me so sad she doesn't seem to enjoy her time with him anymore but I do understand he isn't as easy as he used to be. I almost don't want to hear about it if that makes sense? It's like I KNOW, HE CAN BE HARD SOMETIMES. HE'S 3 AND HAS SOME ADDITIONAL NEEDS!

Anyway, I don't know how to really approach this. I feel if I offer to take this afternoon away, it will be taken as a slant. Do I just have to suck it up? It really puts a downer on my evening.

Maybe ask her if she wants to change the arrangement in some way if it’s getting too much. Do you have an alternative option for your son ?

I would suggest your Mum is probably worn out after looking after him. I have a 2 year old grandson and whilst I rarely have him on my own, I spend an awful lot of time helping my daughter as she has complex mental health issues.

The last two days I have spent approximately 6 hours a day with her and her children (she is single) and tonight I am utterly exhausted. So tired I can't sleep. Everything hurts from running about after him, getting up and down from the floor etc.

I don't think my daughter appreciates how tiring just helping her is. Having sole care of him while she works would be out of the question.

You need to hsve a chat with your Mum. I am sure she loves your child and is just worn out.

Find other arrangements for Your child. Your responsibility. It doesn't matter if she offers or not. She is tired, worn out, has a life of her own.. doesn't want to and shouldn't be looking after your child.

Its been a while since I initially posted this but just to update, I had a gentle conversation about this with my mum at the end of last year. She took it very badly. She said that I was being oversensitive and of course she still wants to continue the arrangement. She stopped with the negativity for a while but now likes to tell me he's definitely on the spectrum and behaves 'weirdly'. Sucking it up until he starts school in September when I am changing my work pattern and putting him in breakfast club so I don't have to rely on family for childcare.