Overbearing Father in Law

[Scottishboymum2023]

Hi, so my FIL has been very funny with me since our little boy was born. When I was 8 months pregnant my FIL’s cousin who I’d met once called me fat which really upset me. My husband told his father and he said that’s just the family’s banter and I need to take a joke. From the start I asked everyone not to kiss our LO, he was early and tiny and due to past experience in life with my best friends baby becoming unwell I didn’t want to risk him getting ill. My FIL would make a point of kissing him every time, to the point we’re he once kissed him whilst I was breastfeeding my LO which was once of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. He also made inappropriate jokes about breastfeeding which made me uncomfortable.

when my son was a few months old I took him to a baby class for Easter and he put on bunny ears and I shared a picture with the family. My FIL said it was awful and that my son would hate me for that when he is older, I thought he was joking but he was being serious. He’s obsessed with my Lo being into football to the point where if my son is at his house he has football on the tv and gets him to follow the ball on the screen shouting football.

Recently we were at my sister and my LO wanted to put on one of his cousins tutus which was funny so we put it on him. The FIL got a picture and was annoyed. I just don’t think it’s that deep and I don’t care about gender stereotypes, my son loves tractors and dinosaurs and Barbie, who cares as long as he’s happy.

I don’t know if I’m over reacting but his attitude really gets to me as I just want my LO to be happy and play with whatever toys he wants and decide for himself what he likes, but I’m constantly being judged and I feel like if my LO isn’t into football my FIL won’t have any interest in him.

what would you do?

Kissing a LO while breast feeding is not acceptable. With my DH's grandchildren I make a point of mummy & daddy being in charge & ignore anything that I disapprove of (for eg: smart phone for a 9 year old). Any sweets or money is given to mum to distribute I ask mummy or daddy what the children would like to eat/drink when we're out etc. I suspect that your FIL is rather socially inept. I think that FIL is trying to bond with his DGC, but is not very good at it. Perhaps you could invite FIL to come to see DC do whatever they're interested in - a school play? Also talk about what their doing - eg: show grandpa your dinosaur/tractor collection (whatever) to involve him in his real interests. Otherwise I'm afraid that you may have to 'suck it up', smile sweetly & say that DS isn't that interested in football, but isn't it great that he's so interested & knowledgeable about dinosaurs? Of course as DS grows up he may develop an interest in football.

I wouldn't be sending him any photos, he's a rude twat. I would get banned if I said what I thought about him kissing baby while you were feeding him. But I do think your dh should tell his dad that he's out of order.