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Overlooked and feeling sad

1 reply

feltandfancy · 27/06/2024 22:55

I'm in a very difficult position and don't know what to do. I'm the proud grandma to a gorgeous little boy, he's 18 months old and I'm yet to be allowed to look after him. He's frequently left with family on his mums side, but I'm never asked, even though I was meant to be looking after him when his mum went back to work , which she is now refusing to do even though they are struggling financially. He is perfectly comfortable with me, reaches out for cuddles and I think our relationship is lovely, but I am really upset that I am never considered when childcare is needed. It causes rows when my son questions this, and he's not even allowed to 'look after' his own son, he would not be permitted to bring him to see me on his own for example or go out on our own without her. Before we had a good relationship, even going on days out together but she's dramatically changed since the birth of my grandson, I feel she had post natal depression but she wouldn't seek any advice. Her mother is constantly with her during the day. I want to say something but am afraid my son will get the backlash , it's not as if they are apart, they live together, but he gets no affection or any thought , he just seems to be there to provide financially. They sleep in separate rooms as she won't leave the baby to sleep alone, sleeping with him on a bed , he's never been put into a cot . Any advice on how I can tackle this without falling out with her? I visit and never turn up empty handed always take food , nappies treats etc and not just for my grandson. I feel myself boiling inside when I'm there , listening to the way she talks to my son who is trying so hard to be everything, he's a fantastic dad and is adored by his son. What can I do???

OP posts:
seagullstolemypie · 28/06/2024 19:46

I so feel for you. It's horrible and you are in a no win situation. The DiL will just label you the MiL from hell if you say anything. I am replying through the lens of being labelled 'that' MiL by an emotionally immature woman who has many issues including excluding the paternal grandparents from caring for the beloved grandchildren.

Whatever you do, do not allow her behaviour to provoke you into doing or saying something that she may manipulate to come between you and your son. Just know that if you keep just loving your son (never, ever criticising his choice of wife and mother of his child(ren)) and loving your dear grandchild, one day, the grandchild will form their own relationship with you and WILL know just how much they are loved by you.

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