Hello,
I just need a little advice, and I am posting here because there may be some people who have relatives in a similar position.
My husband is 64. We have been married for 25 years, but we have not lived together for 8 years. We used to live very close to each other and saw each other every day, We lived apart primarily due to his needs as an autistic person and his serious mental health conditions.
Last year, he had a health crisis. Professionals are unsure whether it was some sort of cardiac event. Initially they thought it was a stroke. He was taken to hospital and scans showed he has severe arteriosclerosis. In hospital he contracted Covid, but seemed largely asymptomatic.
After his discharge, he seemed to isolate himself from everyone except me. He stayed in his bedroom and his thoughts were confused. He received very little support from the community mental health team.
He took an overdose in February, and was sectioned and sent to hospital. Over the next four months, he was moved to four different psychiatric hospitals and units. In June, he became a resident in a care home about twenty miles from where I live.
I visit my husband twice a week, and we speak on the phone several times a day. He complains a lot about the food, which seems to be a cycle of Angel Delight, bananas and cold custard, sandwiches, tinned soup, and pie and mash. He tells me there is no real choice, the portions are small and there is never any fruit (I bring him fruit).
He is left in his bedroom for hours at a time. He only gets up for meals, or to go for an appointment. He tells me that members of staff rarely talk to him. When he is in his room, he does nothing. I have bought him a radio, he has my laptop to access You Tube (he used to love old music videos) and he has a diary in which to write down his thoughts and feelings (it is untouched). He never even switches on the radio.
He has conjunctivitis and his eyes are sticky. I believe the home gave him some eye drops for this. However, when I visited on Wednesday, one eye was completely closed. I told the team leader about this and he said my husband needs to bathe his eye.
My husband is prompted to shower or bath every morning. He finds this stressful because he feels staff are 'bullying' him. Furthermore, he cannot get in or out of the bath. He will avoid going down to breakfast because he is frightened someone will tell him to go and take a shower.
He alternates between diarrhoea and constipation, and I believe the stodgy diet and lack of exercise contributes to this. Yet nothing is really done. As a result, my husband focuses a lot on his bodily functions and has developed a health anxiety.
Last week, he went for a blood test and he had to use a wheelchair to travel the few yards to the hospital.
Staff with whom I have spoken say it is my husband's choice not to engage in activities (these are written on a board, but most residents just seem to sit in the area adjacent to the kitchen, where the staff spend most of their time), and that he likes to 'keep himself to himself'. At meetings we are told that he is 'no trouble at all'.
Yet, he has infected eyes, he cannot access a low level bath, he cannot walk a few yards outside, he has digestive problems and he is totally unstimulated. When he came to the home, I was told he would be going to an allotment several times a week, enrolling onto a supported course at the local college, cooking for himself and regaining life skills so he could live in supported accommodation close to me and his youngest son.
I want to raise my concerns, but I just wonder how to start this process. Should I write a letter, just voicing my concerns to the manager, or should I go straight to CQC? I am a little concerned because my eldest son (also autistic) is supported by this company and his accommodation is leased from the company, and up until now, I have been happy with the support he receives). However, I am beginning to re-evaluate my perceptions of my son's support.
Apologies for the essay.