Hello! I could really use some advice.
My husband and I have been together 13 years. It’s no surprise I have not fit in with his family. My SIL and the aunts were always quite difficult to get along with. My SIL is the baby of the family and she is the type that doesn’t do wrong. I had a daughter in 2013 and there were bumps in the road but we got past them and I felt like things got a little better. My MIL and FIL had a very good relationship with my daughter until 2020, they moved 4 hours away.
To make things short, I had my 2nd child, a son in 2020. My SIL (who lives 25 mins away from us) had her 1st child 7 months later. My MIL came down and spent 3 weeks babysitting my SIL baby. We went there twice so she could see our kids. After the 3 weeks, she asked to take my daughter (7 yo) up to her house, 4 hours away but not my son cause she couldn’t handle 2 babies. I politely told her no.
A month later we drove 4 hours to our MiL house to spend time with them. While we were there, she asked me what I was planning for my sons 1st birthdaY. I told her I’m not planning a big party cause I don’t want to host people I just don’t care to hang out with nor do they care to hang out with us. I told her I was just over the parties. She told me it’s a milestone birthday and talked me into planning a party for him.
A month later, I planned the party and also decided to do his baptism the same week so they could attend both. His bday fell on Tuesday and I decided to baptize him the same day so I never forget the day lol! And his party fell on a Sunday. We got a response from her that her and my FIL would only attend his actual birthday and baptism and would NOT attend his party bc there was a church trip they wanted to go on. My husband said something as it bothered him and she said they would come to both.
the week of the birthday, they both came down on the Tuesday and spent the night at our house. Wednesday she packed up and left and said she couldn’t wait to leave our house to go visit my SIL baby since she’s rolling over. She stayed at my SIL house until Sunday, the day of the party. My husbands entire family was surrounding my SIL baby and my in laws were the first to leave so they could make the long drive back home.
after that I didn’t say anything, I just let it go. But she was spending weekends with my BIL who lives 3 hours NORTH of them and she was coming to stay at my SIL (25 mins from us) and not visiting our kids.
one day she was an hour late picking up my son bc my SIL baby was sleeping.
it seems that my in laws are having a hard time spending time with my kids. They won’t spend time with my kids unless she has my SIL baby or staying over there at her house.
she has claimed it’s bc she feels unwelcome. My husband has explained she is welcome here and always has been. But, nothing is changing. She’s either at my BIL house or my SIL house and when she DOES stay here, she is out spending the day with my SIL and her baby. It’s been 3 years of this.
I guess I am use to my daughter having a great relationship with her grandparents and I’m not seeing it anymore. There’s been a shift, she’s almost 10, and suddenly my family is the primary family and who she is growing closer too.
we did talk to them about it but they said it’s not intentional and they will do better. But to this day, nothing has changed.
they have zero problems with my BIL family or my SIL family but when it comes to us and our kids, it doesn’t happen. I have even removed myself from the situation and it still doesn’t make things better.
I have grown so angry and I hate the big difference of time being spent with our kids. I have given them opportunities to allow it to happen, and it’s just not happening.
what advice do you have and how do I move forward?