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Gransnet

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Paternal grandparents

2 replies

Worzelgummage · 13/07/2022 20:35

Interested in reply’s from paternal grandmas…..

After reading many posts on here about the horrid paternal grandmas,
I have tried very hard to do everything the way the mums on here would want it to be done. I haven’t interfered, been intrusive, asked any questions. I haven’t asked to hold my new born grand child and I haven’t worn any perfume when visiting. Only visited my sons house once, (when invited as I had £100’s gifts from paternal family ) stayed just over an hour, so not out stay my welcome.

Hopefully this will have kept my daughter in law happy, as from what I can see, she displays coercive controlling behaviours. My son doesn’t see this, and defends her behaviours and worships her.

What is so sad, is that I can’t ever see me having an attachment to the child, or being part of the child’s life. I live a few hours drive away from them. They will very rarely visit me. Latterly, because of covid rules, I have barely seen my son, although message a few times in the week. Obviously things have opened up now, but if they go visiting, staying over for a few days, it’s to the maternal family.

I am so disappointed it this way, but do I just accept that this is how it is, and for my own self preservation, let them get on with their lives with little or no paternal family input. 😥

OP posts:
Callmepale · 29/07/2022 17:14

Aw sounds like you're really doing everything you can. I think key is so keep persevering, message to say you're there and are happy to help in any way they would like. Maybe just saying 'you're doing such a good job, but please let me know if there's anything I can do. I love seeing my grandchild and I'd really enjoy spending more time with them'? It's honest and not at all pushy.

If my in laws occasionally said they'd love to have their GS overnight one weekend or for a day to give us a break I'd be over the moon!

Treasureangeldarling · 15/09/2022 10:07

Ah, this is a very similar situation although my grandchild has not arrived but within the next week he will have 😉😊
'They' my son and her! Haven't been together throughout the pregnancy. They had already split when she found out!
There relationship was always on and off, she also has a child to a previous short relationship.
Long story short, she's been absolutely horrid these last 9 months and has shown true colours. Toxic, manipulative, controlling and narcissistic.
Although he's been to every scan with her, the relationship has been based on texts.
He has done everything shes asked of him, but everything, no matter what, gets thrown back at him? It's so disappointing and hurtful to have to stand back and watch your son be dangled like a puppet.
Unsure when we the grandparents will get to play our role? Sad.
The girl has alot of issues and sadly my son has taken the brunt of alot of them.
She blocks contact willy nilly when things don't go her way etc....she blocked me months ago!
All a bit worrying, not knowing what lies ahead. This should have been the best experience of my sons life, ours, first grandchild etc.....she's made it the worst.

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