hello grannies! please explain to me why my wee one's granny constantly feels the need to berate,moan, grumble about our parenting abilities...

[ScottishMummy]

granny frequently berates DP and i about what she perceives to be our inadequate/poor parenting. this generally takes a few topics

If LO wont eat - force Feed

Commence potty training at 6months on

We are too soft

wee one cries - a good skelp will sort that

Saying LO is "gurning" when expressing any preference

Sentences starting "in my day...."

What's a good skelp - dread to think!

a smack/slap

imo skelping is not a good thing.

I confess I shouldn't be on this thread as I'm not a gran but just being nosey! (and I guess this will have bumped it again for you)

because if they acknowledge that your way is good then they have to acknowledge that their's was shite and they would rather live in blissful ignorance than admit they were rubbish parents.

well that's what I tell myself about MIL anyway

I did give my DDs a wee skelp occasionally but now feel ashamed of this and admit it did neither them nor me any good at all. I always felt guilty afterwards. Now I have 2 DGCs and am happy that they will never be spanked.

What amazes me is that both my daughters insist that they were never spanked as children and are incredulous when I insist that they were - seems that the occasional pat on the bottom did not leave a lasting impression on either of them.

I must admit to the odd 'in my day' piece of NB 'information' not 'advice'. Sometimes when modern methods are not working it could be worth trying something that did the trick back in the seventies. As my two DDs were like chalk and cheese as babies, I usually have two suggestions that could be tried.

I agree with ConnorTraceptive but believe the way to avoid intergenerational conflict is to focus on each child as an individual, with parents and grandparents acknowledging that what suits one child does not necessarily suit another.

love granny v.much just kinda wish she could focus less on our perceived shortcomings. LOL im sure my wee one will grow up and say to me
"oh eugh organic food what were you thinking"
""dont you know fresh air is bad for babies"
"what took you so long to wean me?"

i dont really challenge her, just bite my tongue. oh gosh but the identations are getting bigger

ScottishMummy
I'm so sorry about your Mum. Do you feel hurt as though she doesn't love your children enough (or you?) I can't imagine that is the case at all.....You must know what mother-love is like now you have children of your own.
Perhaps your Mum just doesn't think you should be working?
Why are you working? does your Mum think it's a bad idea? Maybe she had a difficult time as a young mum trying to make ends meet, staying at home with you because that was her choice..? The other thing is that maybe she is now just enjoying a life without having to watch the clock at all, and your friends who say it is the regularity of it are right...Good luck, try not to be sad about it. do you feel able to tell her how you feel??

Granny4eyes you are off at a bit off a tangent! Unequivocally she loves us we love her! oh no granny loves us all she is just a bitty dour!
mebbe a scottish trait

Hi I am new to mumsnet and granny to 2. I try not to criticise, just give advice when asked. I often say "I used to try this or that" I also realise that things have changed since I had my children - I think disposable nappies are just great and potty training seems to start much later. Have you told your Mum she upsets you by criticising you as I know my daughter would certainly tell me.