Husband had affair after43 yrs of marriage. He doesnt want to discuss it .

[Laylajaney]

My husband had an affair after43 yrs of marriage . He was coming up to retirment and contacted an old flame from his early twenties .It went from there. I found them out he didnt confess just led me astray with lies.After two years Im still devasted and cannot move on. He seems tohave and hates any discussion about it . We are trying to live together amicably as both our lives are around the area we live in . Grandchild down the rd etc.We have him before school and sometimes at wkends him so parents can both work. They do shifts . We spoke today and he says he will move out I agreed but unless I remind him he will take the easy way and still live here .The house belongs to both of us.
We are legally separated-but not divorced for pension reasons.
He tries to be affectionate to me to see if he can get around me but i dont want it anymore. Anyone insame situation?

I can't help but didn't want you to feel alone.

You must do what is best for you - whatever that is.

I feel we stay together for various reasons but I wouldn’t want him to stay for your reasons Kick him out!

You need to put your own emotional and physical wellbeing first @Laylajaney
If that means separating then so be it.
It's devastating to have to go through this but even worse if the guilty party refuses to admit or even talk about it.

I agree that you need to be on your own to heal yourself and get your life back.
Remember to always put yourself first..many women forget to do this or even think they should but it's imperative when dealing with such emotional trauma.

I am in a similiar situation.My DH contacted an old friend online and had an EA long distance and met up twice. We will be married 30 years in October. And honestly, the emotional part of it hurt the most.And I too, found out - he didn't tell me.
The only reason I am still here is because we are currently in counselling.And he is in no way justifying himself and is remorseful.
But while others may say you should just LTB , I do understand your position.As you say there are pensions, etc and it is not easy to start again when you are older. Especially as your family are also so near you.
I am so sorry you are going through this.It must be hell having to live together. Is there any way you could go to counselling together? I went initially to get some help in trying to get some peace of mind.But it was also good as he was made to acknowledge how devastating the effect was.Sounds like your DH wants to just move on and pretend it didn't happen.

Not saying the marriage can be saved , although you can change legal separation ( are you on Ireland) , but maybe it might enable you to live more easily with him.
And , when I was reluctant at therapy sometimes , she said " Isn't 30 years of marriage worth 8 weeks of therapy? "
to you and I hope you find some way to getting peace in your mind.

I also can't help but I do understand how difficult it is .are you going to sell the house and split the money? If you put the house up for sale hev will have to face up to things ? Wishing you well in your new life x