I am after a bit of advice.
My grandfather died in June. He was 98, nearly 99, and was in hospital and ill so it wasn't a shock, although the speed with which he became ill was (this time last year he was painting fences in the garden and cleaning my aunt's car for her).
He and my gran, who is 94, have been married 68 years. My gran isn't coping very well - says she is but then forgets to eat, admits she isn't sleeping etc. I've been helping where I can. My parents live near her and have her over for lunch, pop over most days to see if she needs anything but she won't go and stay with them because she has a perfectly good house of her own nearby. I live five hours away and she has just spent three weeks with me because we sold it to her as a holiday, and also that she was needed as I could do with the help with the children.
She went home today, and has already phoned me, sounding miserable - says she's cold and it's too quiet. I feel awful but there's nothing I can do. Anyway, my question is this.
It's her wedding anniversary on Sunday. 69 years. I was hoping she would stay here until afterwards but she'd made a hair appointment and booked her gardener to come tomorrow and got flustered when I suggested she changed this so its not to be. I think she'll probably have dinner with my mum and dad but she'll be waking up and going to bed alone.
I want to let her know I'm thinking of her, and I will definitely ring and have a chat (I do every day anyway) but is it too much to send flowers? It seems like such a pathetic gesture but about the only thing I can do, but I don't know if it would be a bit too much or be 'wrong' somehow.
My grandfather was a lynchpin in the family and we all miss him terribly but she's suffering the most. I don't want to make it worse but neither do I want her to think I've forgotten. I can ask my mum what she thinks but she's hurting terribly too and I want to ask advice from people who are not clouded by their own grief.
Would you send flowers, or a card, and if a card, what the hell do you write? Happy anniversary is wrong now, but saying "I miss him" really doesn't help anyone.
Thanks in advance for any useful advice.