What do your step grandchildren call you?

[Bluejumperandbluejeans]

They call me by my Christian name and I'm fine by that. But I often feel like I don't exist in their eyes. It's not my (s) grandchildren's fault it I think it's their parents eg my DIL will say in my presence to her children " we're at grandads house" etc I often say, "I live here too".
Their mum died, and 5 years on I met their dad and married him him 8 years ago and I have always played an active role in their lives of my step children now in their 30/40s and was there at the birth of nearly all of the grandchildren. But I hate this idea in my step children's head that I'm not their real granny to their children and that their mother is the real granny

What's brought this to a head today is that my DH sent a text from both of us wishing dgd a happy birthday and Dh got a reply say dgd wished that grandad was coming to her party I felt like replying and saying what about blue jumper??

As a 'step daughter' that became so in my adult years, I don't refer to my dad's wife as my 'step mum'. To be honest, I would find it quite weird if I was expected to see her as such. She's lovely, and I have no complaints, but she wasn't there when I was little - we've got to know each other as adults who came from their own separate lives. Thinking of her as anything other than her first name is odd to me. I'll be honest and say that any attempt at 'mothering' me is also met with confusion on my part. She's only trying to be nice, but it can be quite annoying - I'm not 12, I have my own house, husband, life.

I'm pregnant with my dad's first grandchild, and I can't deny I'd be quite cross if his wife started to assume she will become 'Grandma'. This may happen in time, but certainly not if it's forced upon me!

The point I'm trying to make is perhaps you may have forgotten there are other emotions at play here - and not yours! Losing a parent is devastating and from her point of view this is HER mother's grandchild - not yours! If she in any way already feels you are pushing for this title, forcing the issue is not going to help you. Of that I can be absolutely sure.

I would seriously consider avoiding any passive aggressive remarks or you may find that you remain 'dad's wife'. Unfortunately, that may be the way it stays and you might have to just accept that.

Like pepperfish my dad's new wife came into my life when I was an adult. Also like pepperfish to me she feels like my dad's wife rather than my step mum. Maybe that is because I didn't live with her.
But when my DD was born I decided that she would call her Nanny First Name (to differentiate her from my DM.) I like to hope that my dad's wife is happy with what we call her though I have never asked her.
Now that I think about it my step dad (who I lived with from the age of 11) is referred to as "Auntie B's daddy" Auntie B being my half sister.
I wouldn't take it to heart bluejumper no matter what your step grandchildren call you makes no difference to how they feel about you. Or you them.

At the risk of outing myself I have always been Granmouse to my dsgc. My nickname was Mousie and we came up with Granmouse as dh's ex is Grandma and dsil's mum is Nana. I have a close and loving relationship with all of them and, of course with my blood dgc.

We called my father's stepmother Gran (all in one word, so like replacing the 'ma' of Grandma with her name) - my father called her by her first name so it made perfect sense to us.

I had step parents from about age 14. I chose the names and suggested them when DC1 was due. These are not their actual names, but think along the lines of Grandad and GranMary, and Grandma and GrandpaJohn.

My Dad's wife has always been Mary to me. The grandkids call her nanny Mary and that seems to work. we use first names in lots of nicknames though. Less confusion all round with in-laws etc.

I don't think the issue is whether they view you as grandma, but that they seem to ignore your existence at all, in a verbal way anyway. Simply saying granddad and Blue Jumper, acknowledging you as a couple would be nice. I don't have any step gc, but I have a sdd, she refers to me as Ludways which is perfectly fine for me, we are great friends but it does hurt when we get three cards at Christmas, dad, brother and sister and I'm missed completely.

Sorry but I have to disagree with you OP. Myself and my siblings would never dream of calling our Grandad's wife "Nan" or "Grandma" or anything other than her first name as that bond (and hence title) is reserved for our Nan who sadly passed away when I was 6yo. It's not that we don't like my DG's wife as we do have a good relationship with her, it's just not appropriate to us and wouldn't be seen as being appropriate to my DF either who has lost his DM. I see the stronger issue in your post as being that your SC are seemingly ignoring you so I'd address this with them if you can - that seems to me to be more important than a title. Hope you manage to resolve things in some way to make you feel less excluded OP, can't be nice for you or your DH either xxx

Thanks for your replies. I think my issue is not so much the name they use for me as suggested in the title as feeling that I belong to them. I get on very well with my dsd's and dsgc's but its this feeling that I'm second best perhaps I'm expecting too much, I always feel like I'm being compared favourably or not to my dh's 1st wife I understand and accept that they feel loyalty to their mum and I'm happy to be called by my Christian name not step mu or granny but what really upsets me is the feeling of not existing in there eyes.
The highs and lows of step parenting :)

My DSSs Ds calls me nana his others are nanny and grandma so that works fine .We see him alot used to have him 2 afternoons after nursery and now we meet him from school once a week so we see him much more than the other DGC who live 80 miles away.