Have grandparents any rights to see grandchildren when the parents split was very bitter?

[gormenghast]

My son had a very tumultuous relationship . There were big faults on both sides, but a little girl, our granddaughter was born. She is three years old now and we haven't seen her for 18 months.We did see her at first and took her out on many occasions, but some really upsetting incidents meant that even though these were caused by the bitterness between her parents,her mother told us that she no longer wanted us to see our granddaughter. She felt that because of the terrible enmity between my son and the rest of her family, it was better for our granddaughter if there was a clean break between the families. We did nothing wrong or take sides, but I feel that we have been the victims in all of this. We still love our granddaughter and feel that like us she is a victim as well. Have any other Mumsnetters been in the same situation?

Legally grandparents have few automatic rights and generally see their grandchildren when the non resident parent has access.

They can apply to a court though to see if it is in the interests of the child to see the grandparents so maybe see a solicitor.

I would also speak to your son and advise him his behaviour towards his ex is making the situation worse all round and he should just bit his tongue for the sake of his child.

I wouldn't go to court, I spent £50,000 and 10 years trying to see my grandson and got no where, my advice would be to write to the mother and try to allay her fears as to contact with you

That's so sad bt, have you still not seen him?

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Does your son see his daughter?

I'd recommend writing to the mother.

Explain your role as grandparents. Don't take sides. Let her know you want a relationship outside of your son.

My children see my exes parents and they've been very kind to me. It's been a new but positive relationship. Whatever happens don't stop writing to the children, sending cards at Xmas and birthdays.

If your son is not seeing his daughter and therefore you can't see her when he does I would suggest writing to his ex and explain that now some time has passed and thibgs have presumably settled down you'd very much like to meet her and GD. Take it slowly- suggest meeting at a soft play type place and if you are able to build a relationship with the ex she may then be amenable to you having GD to stay etc. Don't mention your son though and don't talk about relationship itself.

Oops this was a massively old zombie thread. I wonder if the op still knocks around here and can update!

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Sad situation. Contact the mother, 18 months is a long time, she might have cooled down by now.