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Feeling inferior to DD

1 reply

drudgewithagrudge · 28/10/2013 17:06

My DD is my eldest child and I lover her very much and am very proud of her.
She is everything that I am not. Confident,sociable,outgoing,a brilliant mum and has many friends, She is compassionate to people who are in a bad place and will wades in and stick up for anyone she feels is being unfairly treated. She loves entertaining and never seems to get down about anything.She always looks nice and keeps herself in good shape.

On the other hand I have no self confidence. I have a few good friends but the thought of having anyone in my house for a meal or party fills me with dread. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time but with the help of AD's and a good doctor I quite enjoy my life, or at least I can appear to.
I had a very close relationship with my late mother who was my rock during two disastrous marriages. I suppose I hoped that my DD and I would be that close but although I see her and her DC's once a week I always feel I can't be myself with her or she will judge me. She is quite free with her opinions and although not rude, speaks to me in a way I would not have spoken to my mother. It seems to me that she treats me as an elderly lady she has known since childhood or a lame duck.

I know most of this is my fault but how can I make our relationship more intimate. I made the mistake of telling her all my history and that adds to her feeling of superiority.

Once again I must stress how much I love her and how proud she makes me feel, but if she wasn't my DD she wouldn't be the kind of woman I would choose as a friend. Advice please.

OP posts:
leeloo1 · 28/10/2013 18:19

That sounds so hard, but maybe your relationship is better than you think - if she makes time to see you every week!?

Can you gain confidence from the fact that the way you brought up your DD is the reason that she is such a confident and together lady?

If your doctor is good, could you ask him to refer you for counseling? From recollection you can have 6 free sessions of CBT therapy (I guess this would depend on if it was appropriate for you), which is great as it trains you to look at and respond to situations differently and much more positively.

I'm not sure you can force your relationship to be more intimate, but you can make yourself feel more positive about it.

Good luck. :)

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