can't visit grandson

[AuntyVirus]

Looking for a bit of wwyd advice please .
Dss ex who was not ex at the time gave birth to their first child in may( ex has child from previous relationship) .

After a few weeks of arguing between themselves and ex refusing contact , dss and ex have come to an agreement of when he can visit . However dss says his ex has told him that no member of his family is allowed to see baby .

We are obviously really upset about this he is our first grandchild and we have done nothing to ex for her to be like this with us . The last time we seen grandson he was 9 days old .

My husband thinks that we should turn up at her door and politely ask if we could see grandson or ask what have we done that has upset her so much .
Although I really would like to grandson I'm not sure if this would be the right thing to do .

So please wwyd in this situation .

Well by turning up you may make things worse for DS. Perhaps a call or letter or email would be more appropriate? I would recommend your DS go to court and formalise access.

I would also suggest court to formalise access. If dss is allowed to have his son to visit, then she can't forbid him from taking his son where he wants to take him, unless there is good reason. What was your relationship with ex like before they split up? Have you any inkling as to why she doesn't want the baby to see you?
Oh and don't just show up at the door.

Thanks for reply ss was supposed to be going to court for contact , but because ex is ok with him for now he isn't willing to go to court right now .

I have tried once to call her as I didn't want to bombard her with calls , she hung up without answering.
I have also text which she never replied to .
I don't want ex to think that because things where and have been awkward between her ss that my husband and I don't want anything to do with grandson , and the longer we leave it the harder it will be iykwim .

Dss can only see his son at her house , and only if he looks after her daughter aswell which isn't a problem as she calls him daddy.
I thought our relationship with his ex was fine before they split . We never thought it would turn out like this.

Dss says we are not allowed to have anything to do with baby ex says its her choice she's his mother and what she says goes .

It must be awful for you to have had your access restricted for no reason, but id give it some time if i was you, if your son has only just got his contact sorted. Hopefully she will come round in time but if their relationship has quite recently broken down, at the same time as having a new baby, then this must be a very stressful time for her and she is probably not thinking straight.

Thankyou it is hard and I know how hard the first few months of having a new baby are.
To give you rough idea of what ex is like , she has left dss name off birth certificate, sends vile text messages to dss about how ugly their baby is and she wishes she never had him.
I so wish that I could approach her and offer to help her as she is clearly struggling . Apart from the leaving off birth certificate as this was planned by her . The nature of the texts are not like her .

As kind as you might mean to be by offering, if she is being spiteful then she would only use it against you. I think your dss needs to get on a better footing with her before trying to secure access for the wider family. It makes me so angry when people use children as weapons but unfortunately as the child's mother, there is little you can do as gp apart from giving her time to see sense. Legally, you have no rights. Probably not want you want to hear but unfortunately i think you have to ride this one out.

If dss is given proper access then what he does and who he sees during those access times is up to him (unless his ex literally has almost a restraining order reason against that person for example).

So the key lies with securing good contact agreements and then him allowing you to have contact.

fairy he is only allowed to see baby at ex's house at the mo so i wouldn't think that GPs going there is a good idea.

No I realise that I mean he needs to build up to contact on his own.

Thankyou for your replies , i know we have a long road ahead of us and establishing good frequent contact between dss and baby is the most important thing.
I had to go into town earlier, where i came face to face more or less with ex ,baby and her little girl who gave me a little wave .It was so hard having to walk past them as though they were strangers.