any step grannies on here?

[crazynell]

What's it like for you?
I sometimes feel like i don't exist - especially when, for example DIL when sky ping us and i am clearly shown on the computer screen sitting next to OH and she says "show grandad this" or Grandad's house - i live here too......Or when the g'kids say their granny died, this was before they were born and i have been around since they were born. I want them know about her and i talk about her and say to them but now i'm married to grandad so i'm granddad's wife and these kind of things happen to people and families.

Oh well, i tell myself that I am very much in their lives - even if they don't call me granny or, like my DIL, acknowledge me

I am SO sorry to hear of your experience.
I am not a granny yet, but I have a stepmum who is now stepgranny to my children.
I call her by her christian name, rather than 'mum' and to me she will always be my stepmum rather than my mum.
However, as far as my children are concerned, she is their Granny and is equal in status to Granddad, my father.
They know that I had a mummy who died and they know that Granny is Granddad's second wife, but that makes no difference to them. She is the only Granny they have or will ever know.
It is important to me that the 'step' aspect of my family stops at my generation. As far as the children are concerned every member of my family is equal whether they be blood relatives or step relatives.

I am not surprised that your DIL feels it is important for her children to know that her mother also existed, but I am sorry that she is preventing her children from having a normal relationship with the person who is best able to fill the role of their grandmother.

I wonder if her mother's death was particularly recent or painful?
Would there be any chance that your husband could discuss this with her.
It is not only you, but also the children who are missing out due to this.