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Original poster

Not being "invited" up to the hospital to visit newborn

69 replies

yummybump · 15/05/2011 14:10

Is it a right to be invited as grandparents up to the hospital after baby has arrived? Would you be bothered if you were asked not to? Opinions...

OP posts:

nagynolonger · 15/05/2011 21:28

Just re-read sprinkles post.....Think I got wrong on first read sorry!

motherinferior · 15/05/2011 21:33

I don't get on very well with my parents. They did come and see me, but I didn't really want them to. It wasn't their right, sorry.

DuelingFanjo · 15/05/2011 21:40

what fluffles said, though I wouldn't want my mum washing me either.

TheSecondComing · 15/05/2011 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 15/05/2011 21:50

Can't she have dc 1 to keep her busy?

megapixels · 15/05/2011 21:56

What's this about not wanting MILs to wipe blood and shit off the new mother's nether regions? I think some of you are misunderstanding, that's not why they want to visit.

MirandaGoshawk · 15/05/2011 22:16

"a woman's mother does not visit to 'be first' to see the grandchild or any other selfish reason"

Mine did. She said so.

exoticfruits · 15/05/2011 22:17

I thought it was just me! I assumed that visitors hoped to see a clean and dressed mother and baby! Are hospitals so short staffed that mothers now need to wash bottoms?!!!

exoticfruits · 15/05/2011 22:20

I also find it weird that a DD's mother doesn't want to see a baby for slefish reasons but DS's mothers are purely selfish! (I put it down to new mother's being a bit precious). I wasn't in long enough to have visitors, but if I had been I would have let in whoever turned up-as long as it was visiting hours.
(they would not have washed my nether regions or watched the birth-even if they were my mother!)

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 16/05/2011 13:23

Well I love the idea of a baby moon. (although I hate the name and just prefer "privacy") it's not my families baby. It's ours, dh and I. And I know our child will obviously have extended family, but that's what they are. Extended, the outer circle. Not important enough to be in the hospital.

youngjoly · 16/05/2011 20:38

I think each situation is individual and needs to be treated as such.

When I had my DDs, my mother was there with both births - and she helped me through them both.

With DD1, MIL came to visit baby at the hospital, FIL chose not to.

With DD2, I had no visitors at the hospital, but that was due to a 3rd degree tear, physiotherapy, catheter and me basically being a mess. I wasn't up to having visitors, and so didn't have any after the birth. ILs included. It was bloody, it was messy, it was not a pretty sight. Eventually, when I did sign myself out of hospital (against consultant's advice, but I couldn't cope there anymore), I invited ILs over as soon as I got home. FIL didn't come as he went to gardening club, but MIL came and had me making her a cup of tea, literally hours after I came off the morphine. (Whilst I was struggling making her tea, she was cooing over the baby!).

In my situation, my mother was there for me, my MIL was there for the baby. If they act differently, they get treated accordingly. End of.

So no, I agree, no right.

lucindapie · 07/08/2011 17:21

there is nothing wrong with having a babymoon/bubble for a few days after the birth and then the grandparents coming later. they could have a bit of patience! seems like there's a lot of derogotorary stuff about babymoon's being said here, but they serve a really important purpose - lots of skin to skin contact so mother and baby can get to know each other, and establish breastfeeding. so many women struggle with breastfeeding and one way this could be helped is by not being bombarded with visitors immediately after 'wanting a cuddle'. I've waited 9 months to see my baby, and know it must be a big shock to them coming into the world, and I want time for both of us to bond. The grandparents bonding can quite frankly wait a while!

chester21 · 09/08/2011 22:51

i didnt allow any visitors apart from my birth partners.

i had said to all close family that i did not wish to have any visitors as we had found out that our little bundle of joy would be transferred to the neo-natal unit as soon as he was born and no visistors apart from the parents would be allowed in there. This still did not stop some unwnated text asking to come and visit their grandson every day that we were in.

i personally found it really hard to say nicely to everyone to be patient and when we were home and settled they would be invited down for a quick visit.

maybe i am being unreasonable but as our son has a medical issue that is still being investigated we just wanted some time to get our heads around all the information and relay it to all relatives when we know things.

EdithWeston · 09/08/2011 23:14

It really all depends on how the actual birth went. If the new mother is herself still receiving medical treatment, or is feeling very wobbly, then I do not think that she should be compelled to have visitors. And no matter how good the relationship is with a MIL, it's not the same as your own mother (whose reassurance might be welcome, and is simply in a different category).

But if the new mother is up to a wider range of visitors, then yes, all GPs should be included. And definitely once home (where, one hopes, the new father will do all the hostly stuff).

haddock1976 · 30/10/2011 19:17

I'm due in 8 weeks and both sets of GPs to be live over 250 miles away. DM is going skiing around my due date (booked after she knew the date, first GC but the world does not stop turning) so she'll visit when she's back and we're less of a car crash. MIL wouldn't dream of insisting that she had a "right" to visit at her convenience for the simple reason that she's got some respect for her DS and his wife.

Thank you for my sensible, thoughtful, considerate and respectful DM and MIL whom I look forward to seeing when we're ready. probably only hours after we get out of hospital as this is DC1 and we have no clue

MamaGeekChic · 30/10/2011 21:37

We got home 7hours after DD was born, I'd been in labour(and hadn't slept) for 3days, we asked PIL to wait a few hours until I'd had a shower and nap, they ignored us. Apparently they had a 'right' to see their GC, they turned up 20mins after we got home just as I'd fallen asleep. They insisted that DP take DD away from me and take her down to meet them. Our relationship has never really recovered from the lack of respect and consideration. Sad but true.

MamaGeekChic · 30/10/2011 21:53

Just realised this is an old post... Oops

BalloonTwister · 11/11/2011 23:19

I had 3 day labour and an emergency c-section. Didn't stop my parents, DSIS, MIL and SIL getting themselves over to see us even before anaesthetic had worn off though. (Seriously, they were on the ward before I was lol) I didn't really mind though. DD isn't just mine and DP's baby...she belongs to a family. (Although not in an ownership type way, obviously)

redridingwolf · 18/01/2012 23:51

Exoticfruits

Yes, hospitals are that short-staffed, frequently. On the postnatal ward, a lot of mothers are not clean and dressed. With DC3, I was blood-stained and in a gaping gown (had to rush to hospital with semi-packed labour bag).

I was very grateful the hospital didn't allow visitors at all in the morning. By the afternoon I was on my way home (and DH had brought me some clothes).

I think things were different 20-30 years ago, from what I hear. These days, in hospital, it's more a treatment-in-progress kind of atmosphere, not a neatly-presented-for-visitors thing :)

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