Meeting up

[Llewella]

Hi - I live near Newport S Wales and have a bright and inquisitive (whether gifted or not)3.5 year old girl who is experiencing some difficulty relating to the majority of her chronological peers, though she relates well with older children and adults. My little girl has good social skills and as yet no significant behavioural problems (above the usual). I would very much like to hear from anyone in a similar position especially those with a child of a similar age particularly if you might like to meet up and share experiences.

It would help if you explained a bit more about what kind of difficulties she has with her peers, particularly as you say she has good social skills.

Ime lots of 3yos are not brilliant at playing with other 3yos; they cope better with adults or older children because the older person is then doing more of the work and making allowances iyswim. I was like this, and my dd was like this. Perfectly normal and nothing to worry about.

Gets easier to relate to peers as they get older.

Hi Cory, nursery where she has been part-time since 8 months have expressed their opinion that lo has special needs by virtue of her enhanced ability. they have noticed that the games she wants to play are not understood by her peers (their words not mine)and that she then withdraws and plays alone. She does join in and play toddler games with the others but that she often gets bored and wants more stimulation. They say they presently have no other children in her age group who can relate to her and vice-versa although their after school Reception and Y1 children are her imaginative, converstional and game playing peers. I am keen for lo to be able to relate to her chronological peers and there is 1 little girl in meithrin who lo does seem to identify with and her mum confirms similar traits.

Excuse a stupid question, but what if she had a younger sibling- wouldn't she just have to adapt her play to him or her? Or if she went to a childminder instead of a nursery and the other children just happened to be a tad younger? Are you sure this qualifies as special needs at such a young age? Isn't this what children have to do a lot of the time, gradually learn to play with children who are not exactly at the same stage of development?

Excuse a stupid answer, but she does adapt and make allowances for children her own age and younger. but she craves true peers just as a child with a younger peer craves to play with children of their own age rather than their younger sibling at least part of the time. as i have previously said I am keen for lo to be able to relate to children the same chronological age - she will go through school with her chronological peer group, however I am also keen to provide her with the oppotunity to interact with children of a similar age and developmental stage, hence my original post. I didn't claim that this qualifies as 'special needs' just that nursery had suggested this. I do not wish to be subject to an inquisition, or argue regarding whether or not my child is unusual/gifted and have had plenty of opportunity to think around and discuss various pros and cons of her abilities/challenges. I simply wondered whether there was anyone in a similar situation to chat to so that i could possibly introduce my lo to chidren who are having similar experiences with their peers. after reading other posts on here I should have known better than to think I might avoid the inquisition.

This is not an inquisition, Llewella, just a wish to understand what you are getting at. Your first post was a little sparse in information. I have absolutely no problem with gifted children.

You mentioned Special Needs, I wanted to know if you agreed with the nursery's assessment.

I hope you find someone; if not I would suggest taking your dd to activities/clubs etc where you would find children of different ages, hoping that she will be able to find her own level.

Hi again Cory,

My original post did not ask for your understanding, or question whether my dd has special needs, or ask for your suggestions.

It simply requested contact from others in a similar position. I have no wish to spend vast ammounts of time explaining in minute detail my dds persona and current level of knowledge.

Although our situations are different I would like to echo what Vegasmum said about the threads deteriorating towards the op having to justify themselves. By rereading some of the posts on this gifted and talented board it seems that insensitivity and patronisation towards other posters is rife. Some of the posters re her 'regression' question were rude at best and verged on being deliberately hurtful. It was not difficult to 'understand' what she was asking either and certainly easy to deliberately misinterpret and put her down. Obviously clinical regression is a whole different kettle of fish to what she was describing.

Anyway, in answer to your last post - if you've read this far

What I am getting at is:- I would like to talk to other people with similar aged children who can identify with what I described of my dd in my op. Not sure why that is difficult to understand....

Re special needs, not sure - they voiced observations which i had made already but didn't want to read too much into at such an early age. Certianly I would not rule it out and also depends on which definition of special needs we are using.

As previously mentioned dd has very recently found one child herself who I will be inviting to play after the easter break, in addition to this i have recently enrolled dd on a french language course for 3-7 year olds (she is already bilingual Welsh/English)and in a martial arts group for 3-5 year olds so your suggestion is most pertinent.

Hopefully as you say this will do the trick

I am sorry if I misunderstood, but you do sound rather touchy. I shall not trouble you again.

Hi Cory - Maybe no-one has ever explained to you that putting 'but' after an apology invalidates it. Or maybe you know that only too well and thats exactly why you put it in. No matter, I did not expect or need an apology from you, just trying to raise awareness that this board appears rather insensitive.

Hi Vegasmum - you are welcome, do you have any progress on your dds assessment? sounds like you are doing completely the right thing by chasing up your observations/concerns while she is still little, either your mind can then be put at rest or dd can get whatever support she needs in the areas she's finding difficult. As suggested by some of the posters on your thread children sometimes tend to concentrate on the things they find easier.

So if your dd understands the 'rules' of maths better than the 'rules' of socialising this may contribute to her choosing the former. This may be inherent in your dd or self perpetuating, (more than likely a mixture) and certainly worth exploring and finding ways of assisting her to develop in this area.

I don't understand why so much more sensitivity is needed in the G&T board than in any other section of this forum. I never felt people needed to show me more sensitivity when speaking of my gifted child than of my other child and I've never had a problem with answering; questions about either, whether to do with giftedness or their (unrelated) disabilities.

If I post about their disabilities in the SN forum, people often do ask further questions to understand where I'm coming from: I don't see why I should have to be touchy about it. Other people in the SN section don't seem to.

But there is a lot more touchiness in this section than in any other part of the forum.

Llewella my DS was exactly the same in nursery. He preferred to sit with the adults and chat than play 'baby games' with the rest of the children. It frustrated me beyond belief and I tried everything I could to get him to join in. But he would just get upset when the other 3 year olds looked at him like he was from another planet just because they didn't know what he was talking about. Eventually/thankfully a little girl who 'got' him joined the nursery and they rubbed off really well on each other. Now he's nearing the end of reception class, his social skills have rocketed and he'll happily play with any children in his class.

The staff at the nursery never ? SN with him. They just realised that he was ahead of his peers in certain things and let him be him.

Thanks for that siblingrivalryisrelative, that is really reassuring. Nursery emphasised that their suggestion of SN was about ensuring that she recieved the 'stretching' that she was craving and possibly assisiting her to find that elusive other child/ren who would 'get' her as you put it. The getting upset when the other children can't understand is where we are at at the moment and would really like to avoid her feeling too 'different' What you describe about your ds in nursery sounds just like my dd and I do feel that as she matures she may well follow in his footsteps. At her first tae kwon do class last night she was straight in there without looking back - class was 3-7 year olds and seemed to suit her. At 7am this morning she was quizzing me about when she can go next.