Experiences please?

[ihearttc]

I posted in special needs children last week about some concerns his reception teacher had over his behaviour but just wondered if anyone here had experienced anything similar?

Basically DS started reception in september and he loves school and teacher is very pleased with his work and said that he is working above what is expected from him but that she is really concerned about some of his behaviour.

He is apparently quite anxious in class and very worried about getting stuff wrong and being told off. He has several friends which he has made since starting school but not really keen on playing with all the other children.

Academically Im not saying he is exceptionally bright but he certainly seems to be "different" from lots of the other children. Its like his brain is on the go constantly and he thinks about everything really throughly. For example we went shopping yesterday and the large book store where we live is closing as its gone into adminstration. DS wanted to know exactly what it meant and what would happen and he said that he felt very sad for the people that were going to lose their jobs...which is quite deep for a 4 year old.

The school seems to think his memory is quite good because they have these lists of key words to learn and DS can almost look at them and memorise them...they don't do ort at his school (thank goodness!) so I have no idea what his actual reading ability is but I don't think its anything exceptional. He is reading harder books than most of the class but not by that much.

His teacher has said she wants to do an IEP for him and get an Ed Pych come and look at him because his behaviour is different from what she would expect.

For example he lost some money he had to take to school for children in need and he was really upset about dropping it...when I asked him what he was upset about he said that he was upset because the children then wouldn't have the money they needed. He was tidying up paper that was in a pile in the classroom because he thought it was going to fall over and then they wouldn't be able to use it.

Its like he is 4 but he thinking like a much older child.

Ive spoken to him loads about why he doesn't want to play with the other boys and he said that he doesn't want to play the games they play because they are stupid...yet if he had a football he'd more than happily play for ages!

Don't know what Im asking really and maybe Im clutching at straws but just wondered if this rang any bells? Is it possible to be "clever" but not academically?

This sounds a lot like my dd, also 4. Her target after last parents' evening is to 'have ago and not worry about getting things wrong'. She can be very anxious and does seem unusually disturbed, for one her age, by sad topics. We had a terrible year at 3, when she discovered death, and then later that year, war, and 'killings things' (weapons').

I do worry how she will cope with all the bad stuff in teh world and I worry about her terror of making mistakes. She also cannot deal with even quite mild displays of anger.

I wonder though, if the teacher would think your ds's behaviour so odd if he were a girl?

Why does he have to play with so many other children if he has a few friends he's happy with?

DS is a deep thinker but wouldn't have looked very academic at your son's age but he has really flourished at secondary school.DS does not have any sen issues other than dyslexic problems but he was very much more mature than other children, this actually was most problematic in yr6/7 when he really grew up and most of the other boys didn't.

I think that skills that deep thinkers have are not really measurable in primary, although they do used them, but once they get to secondary and have seperate lessons for humanties those skills become much more apparant.

Ds (9) was like this at 4 and he is not academic (in next to bottom sets for maths and literacy, needs special support with writing). But he has gone on to develop very good social skills, and I'm not sure they're not going to be more of an advantage in the long run. He still really likes to think about things, wants to know what is going on in the world. And his drawings are very expressive, clumsy but with a lot of feeling.

Not that it answers your question but my ds is a bit like this.
He can be a little aloof with children who are boisterous or really silly (in his humble opinion ) and prefers a certain type - usually girls.

He has an excellent visual memory - similarly with sight words he only seems to need to see them once, maybe twice and they're committed to memory. I was a very good visual learner and my mum was always told she had a photographic memory so I reckon that's where it's come from.

Ds sounds like an older child quite often but I put this down to being an only who has a flowery vocabulary.

If I were you, be wary of some inexperienced teachers who think all children should fit into a particular shape box. We had one like this at ds's nursery and she was desperate to fit him into the social side of the EYFS tickboxes. He is who he is, he's a little 'eccentric' but I am confident there are no SN. He just prefers a certain type of child and is a bit 'old before his time' but he knows how to have fun and does have friends. Not all kids need to be the life and soul of the party.

So maybe your ds is also just a bit quirky. He'll find his way and his niche (sounds like he already has with friendships) and simply isn't your standard boisterous boy.

i also have a 'quirky' ds about to be put through developmental assessments etc. he's very bright in a similar way (able to glance at spelling list and regurge for test etc). they do give him challenger stuff at school to appropriately differentiate, but gp is mulling over add/ hd, or asd spectrum as he is a bit of a square peg. part of me wonders if this would explain his quirks (he has a couple of odd sensory issues, some slightly odd social behaviours which could be explained by social immaturity/ shyness - but then wants to discuss creationism v evolution for hours before he goes to bed lol.) his attention strays from task at school unless he is motivated, but no behavioural stuff. he also has some long-standing continence issues and is the most stubborn kid on the planet.

teacher is unconvinced by add/ asd idea, but school have a pet psych who is being wheeled in. i think it is going to be quite interesting to hear what the profs have to say tbh.

i think some kids just are a little different. it's tempting to want to explain stuff - i actually felt quite relieved when doc suggested something different might be going on - but i think in reality he's just, well, himself.