5 yr old DD - attention seeking behaviour - HELP?!

[EyeOfNewtToeOfFrog]

My 5 yr old G&T DD has recently started horrendously attention seeking behaviour and at the weekend we were at our wits end on how to deal with it.... any suggestions gratefully received!!!

I can understand that she's going through a tough time - we're moving house, there's a new baby on the way and she HATES leaving her current school - especially as we don't know which new school she will go to yet.

Still, I think it's NO excuse to scream and be rude to my lovely mother-in-law (twice, after being told off) , or horrible to my DH, or hitting me, or doing incredibly silly things like eating with her fingers (three times, after being told off).

Trouble is she's too intelligent for sticker charts, and gets bored trying to get the prize. We can't understand why. A year ago she even went through a phase of saying she liked being in Time Out (aka the naughty step).... combined with this is her self image of being a naughty child, which worries me as I don't think she is. She just needs to learn more impulse control sometimes.

Any ideas - any suggestions - any questions? Am I missing something obvious? How have you tackled problem periods with G&T kids?

You could be talking about my DD (age 7)!

We still have this and her problem seems to be self-esteem. Trouble is, they can seem so outwardly confident to others that they are treated as if they were older/wiser.

After a pretty bad year 1, then an awful year 2 we changed schools this year. Although it hasn't solved the problem overnight, we are seeing big improvements already. I think the problem at her old school was a lack of competition/lack of pride in achievement. Some schools can spend such a lot of time telling the more challenging pupils they are doing well (when comparatively your child is doing much better) that some children can find themselves lost in a system which tries so hard with some that the intelligent ones get left behind!

I hope that lot made some sense!
The only things I can suggest at home is to praise as much as possible when she is good.

I am a bit at "she's too intelligent for sticker charts". How is she too intelligent for them? Maybe you haven't designed one that presses her buttons?

thegrammerpolice - lol! That sentence came out all wrong didn't it??

We read this book and recognised the symptoms from a description of why sticker charts don't work on some gat kids... see what you think. If the tasks are easy she'll happily do them, but lo! just try to move onto the real issues, and she will cease to be motivated by the prize...

An example: school and us parents together identified lack of listening as an issue, so we put together a chart for good listening, with a tick each time she did something the first time she was asked. Tooth brushing (2 minutes, easy) - fine. Getting dressed, or eating brekkie (up to 20-30 minutes each, 'boring') - not fine. So she started calculating that she only needed to focus on brushing her teeth to eventually get her prize. When we cottoned on and said, from now on only eating and dressing will get you a tick, she decided she didn't really want the treat at the end of ten ticks anyway. Which, incidentally is a trip to a place she's been clamouring to go to for ages.

Not that she's not capable of performing these tasks incredibly well - dressing up for playing happens INSTANTLY, and favourite dishes in the evening disappear off her plate without any prompting, but.... the mornings and some family meals are a nightmare of nagging and (occasionally) fraying tempers.

Any ideas....?

Have only read the op.

She sounds like a normal 5yo to me.
You are moving house, new baby, change of school, leaving a school she wants to stay at. I think her behaviour is very understandable although, of course, it needs addressing.

It's a lot for a 5yo to deal with. Her whole life is changing. I think it might help to give her more attention at times when she isn't playing up. Sorry if you are already doing this.

We didn't do sticker charts, the children got fed up of them and we're not that convinced by them anyway.

Try calmly telling her why what she is doing is wrong. Pull her up about being rude to people and explain she wouldn't like people being rude to her, so not to upset people by being rude to them. That type of thing.

She will possibly need a lot of reassurance in the next few months.

LOL at sticker charts story! Our DD is exactly the same with them too.

Positive reinforcement seems the only way to go- and lots of drinks! DD is sooooo much worse at listening when she's dehydrated.

no advice sorry - but lots of (((((hugs))))) and sympathy - you can so do without this - hope it smooths out

Pugsandseals - really interesting about dehydration - that rings true here too! And trouble is, she's now refusing to drink anything at school...too busy apparently and I'm trying very hard not to make things into a battle where I can't win... Perhaps drinking enough is what we need to really encourage above many other things...? You're right, positive reinforcement is the way to go here.

Juuule - yep, I think we'll just give up on the whole sticker chart idea.... and you're right about reassurance and positive attention of course!

Thanks for the sanity check - much appreciated

Hi Eye,
Before giving up on the sticker chart, try redesigning it.

Take the categories you want her to do. Add them up. If she gets all the stars that day give her a tiny reward at the end of the day. Don't make her wait for it and don't make it something she can get if she does nearly everything but for a longer period. It's everything that day or no reward.

If ds gets all 8 stars, he gets a smartie. If he gets only 7 he gets a sticker (he has a magnetic star chart). He isn't that fussed about a sticker but we have a little ceremony for the smartie and he loves it. Ultimately though I suspect it's more about positive reinforcement as we make a bit of a fuss if he gets all 8.

A single smartie might not work for her or you might not be happy giving food but it needs to be something small but which floats her boat.