Mainstream school for gifted kid

[Happyhappyday]

Our DC was tested as gifted in early primary (live abroad and where we are, this is essentially IQ tested). Tested as highly but not quite profoundly gifted. Did well in a Montessori through age 6 but we moved them to mainstream school for the first proper year here (6 turning 7).

It’s not going great, a fair number of behavior issues. DC has been assessed for behavioral disorders and has none (not ASD, ADHD etc). Likely source of the behavior is frustration with basic work, lack of boundaries but the school (no consequences for the behavior) and emotional intensity common in gifted kids. The school district does 3x yearly assessments to understand where kids are academically and DC tested not only highest in the year, but apparently with a very significant gap between them and next child which tracks with earlier assessment (ie, it’s not just one test placing them there). It would place them as average for a child 4 years older.

Our school options are, try to make mainstream work, go back to Montessori, try to go privately to a gifted specific school locally (but places are extremely limited) or go for the district gifted specific school. District school is mainly focused on acceleration and not great for social emotional. Curious about experiences of parents of similar children in mainstream. Did it ever work? And respectfully not looking for parents of bright kids, looking for experiences from parents of kids who are consistent outliers.

Are you in the US? I'm not sure you are going to get any useful answers here as there is no provision for schools specifically for gifted children in the UK system. Generally speaking experience seems to show that it doesn't help gifted children in the long term to be accelerated through school.

The option you haven't said:
. School provides harder work
is that possible?
Why no behaviour consequences?

@Happyhappyday I know 3 dc who have gone to Cambridge university to do Maths - is that gifted enough for you?

They were mainstream but had greatly accelerated maths work. All went to state grammar schools at 11. Standard starting age. Didn’t go early.

The key thing is that child should be given accelerated work within the curriculum and this prevents boredom. They also have to learn to regulate feelings for a few hours a day. Are they advanced in writing and MFLs? What about music? Get classes after school to broaden their talents. Dont make it all about school but school must deepen the curriculum to challenge dc. Is dc gifted at every single curriculum area?

There’s also private school. They might be better at engaging gifted dc if they stream and have a top set full of bright dc. Bigger academic private schools do here from age 8. Rarely before. They should have subject teachers and see gifted dc more often so are more clued up.

However I don’t know any parent who got dc IQ tested. It’s just a rod for your back. Most parents I know could identify where dc’s gifts lay and worked on that need being met. No child I know was in their incorrect year group as social needs were considered.

School can provide harder work... kind of. But it tends to be iPad based and I think is just more of the same rote work which is not super engaging for a child who asked me yesterday to explain about the chicken pox vaccine works. Like in details with questions about specific parts of our immune systems. We ended up pulling out my uni biology textbook and resorting to an audiobook version of an adult science book about vaccines.

Consequences... oiy. Don't get me started. DC has been evaluated for behavioral disorders and has none but there are a lot of things that look similar for kids with ASD and gifted kids and school seem to be consciously or unconsciously approaching it as if DC has a disorder that means they are unable to regulate as opposed to choosing not to. (DC regulated perfectly well for 2 years in another school and has not had issues at any summer camps etc attended).

We have made clear that DC will continue to escalate behavior if the consequence is that they get to have special fun playtime in the special ed room.

What value will Montessori add???

It's much more common here to have a child tested - it's not a "oooohhh look at my smart child" and more of a, this is a significant difference in brain function. It was put to me as a child with an IQ of 150 is the same number of standard deviations from average as a child with an IQ of 50. Both are going to need significant support to function in a school designed for the average.

@Happyhappyday I would not say schools are designed for the average as you suggest. Most with an IQ of 50 would not be in a mainstream school! Far from it. At this level in the uk, it’s an almost certainly a special school for learning difficulties.

However, schools that have a good academic intake like a grammar school will see plenty of bright dc but not many truly gifted as that’s rare. I don’t agree with testing on the basis you suggest and if you are not in uk, you have different goals. I doubt any gifted dc I’ve known had their iq measured. Just not necessary and parents not that pushy. It’s just one piece of info but it’s not the whole picture. So much more contributes to learning and enjoyment of learning. A high iq doesn’t make a child sociable or happy either as the bar is set rather high. So I’m sure you can find what you want where you live.

The very short answer is that for highly gifted kids (index scores above ~145), you're going to run out of road in a mainstream school without acceleration. With a combination of grade and subject acceleration it can work - it is not a panacea but may be the least worst compromise. Montessori can work but not all Montessori schools are equal and it'll depend on how flexible they are with mixed-age groupings etc. You generally need flexibility from the school leadership team - "academic" or private schools selecting e.g. the top quartile won't particularly help, in fact they can be more rigid, because the assumption is "we're all gifted here".

You're posting on a forum where most users are in the UK. The UK has generally gone backwards towards increased rigidity since the ending of the national G&T schemes in 2010 and the curriculum reforms since then. It's very much one size fits all throughout most UK schools and awareness of research on best practice re: acceleration and IEPs is extremely low. You won't get many informed replies. The climate now in UK schools is different to 10-15 years ago - significant acceleration may have been allowed then, but is vanishingly rare now. You may have more luck posting on the Davidson institute gifted forum. giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/bb/

You should probably hire a full-time private tutor if you feel this strongly about the matter. I trusted my gifted DC’s teachers.

The G&T scheme was a total joke in some schools. These dc were not all academic and were not destined for Oxbridge. Some for art schools or musical theatre. Some schools used the label for their better pupils who were never as good as gifted dc in some other schools.

Of course grammar schools don’t really need to accelerate dc through age groups and shouldn’t. They have teachers who can and do expect extension work. We, as a country, can educate gifted dc but in truth, there’s few of them. Only 1280 dc got all grade 9s in their GCSEs in 2024. Often gifted means one dimensional. Not all round gifted.

Is home education an option where you live?

You work with the school as much as you can then you provide stretch at home. Musical instruments, extra maths work, reading, trips out. Being bored may be frustrating but it is still no excuse for poor behaviour really. Ds was gifted and we just had to work within the system as best we could as really had no other options. However lots of outside school interests really helped including sport, music and cadets.

As someone who tested off the end of the scale, and went to a university that is internationally very highly ranked, I’d say prioritise your kids mental health first, second and third. Where will they be happy? Stop focussing on your terribly bright little button as a set of test results, try to work out what makes them happy, and ask them.

Oh, and extra curriculars - but based on interest and fun. And definitely stop focussing on the academics. Please don’t start thinking of university at 14.

Back when G&T was a thing, my school identified their “G&T” as the top 10% in any class. No matter that what NC level that was. You could have bright cohorts and less cohorts but still it was the top 10%. Meaningless.

@ChatNoire Yes, that was about the level of it. In some schools that’s ludicrous - eg a grammar school! I’ve been a governor of a school getting 1 or 2 each year to a grammar (county grammars) and it’s fairly obvious we did not really see many gifted or talented dc. Not at school subjects anyway.

I had a highly gifted child (now in their 20's) go through normal Primary and Secondary schools in the UK.
As PP have said, it's really important to work with the school to provide proper additional stretch activities and to look more broadly outside school academics: learning a musical instrument, language, sport and learning how to be a 'self learner'. Probably the most useful skill DC learnt was how to research and do additional learning for himself. This really helped at both primary and secondary as teachers let him have free rein to do his own work after any classwork had been completed. In secondary, in the subject he was particularly gifted in the teachers supported this by their interest, having an open door policy for him to seek out help and by suggesting topics outside the normal curriculum.
DC did end up at Oxbridge, was in the top 10 in their year and had a relatively normal school experience with peers.