Removing my son from pro - rugby pathway

[Northerngirl87]

I have a 15 year old son who is in a prem rugby Acadamy. Since he was 11, he has been lucky enough to have some ex pros as coaches and has been coached to a very high standard but with lots of potential, and natural talent, he has had a lot of negative feedback and high expectations placed on him.
when he was picked up by a prem team to join their Acadamy, he was in his happy place - training was the highlight of his week. He absolutely ran rings around lots of the boys and was extremely dominant.
A few of the boys were invited for some extra training sessions (with the age group above) and my son was not included in this offer - this was quite shocking to lots of people and very confusing to my then 14 year old. He asked the coach what he needed to work on to be considered next time and the reply was basically, there is nothing you can do, you are in a really good place but the position you play makes it difficult for you to train uo. I am glad you are disappointed as this shows you are competitive.
This didn’t really help my son to understand why he wasn’t picked and he found out another boy of the same position was invited.
This (along with some other small inconveniences) have really knocked his confidence, he no longer loves training and if I’m honest, he is not training/playing as well as he was before (still very good but less vocal, dominant)
There was a game at the end of last season, and my son played well, lots of dominant contributions and he seemed to get a spark back. Then he returned to training this week and found himself in a training session in what he perceived to be the ‘weaker’ team.
He absolutely spiralled out of control, was rude to a coach, rude to team mates and just walked around like he didn’t give a shit.
The coach sent him a horrendous message basically telling him his attitude and behaviours were not what they were looking for and they won’t except a repeat of it. My son acknowledged it was poor and apologised, promising it’s wouldn’t happen again.
The coach then phoned his club coaches who have asked my son for a chat before a game this weekend and at school (he goes to a boys school that was arranged for him by the acadamy) the coaches and director of rugby are telling him he just comes across as rude, even the way he walks is rude, they feel he is hiding something and they are trying to help him, my son has no idea where this is all coming from and although he knows the last training session was not great, he thought everything else was fine, he has spent the week hiding in the toilet crying.
I do fear he has had his confidence knocked so much through this entire system that he is now over compensating with fake ego and I think they believe he is arrogant and need to knock him down a-bit but he’s actually sensitive and insecure and I’m genuinely worried about his mindset at the moment.
I am tempted to tell them where to go (other clubs would be interested in my son) but I feel that in the long run, my son needs to learn some resilience and working through this might be the best thing.

Am I being soft, protective and does he just need to prove them wrong or should I make the decision for him and remove him from the situation change schools/club?

Any advise would be appreciated

Just read this and can't help, but wonder if you could re-post in Secondary Education or Boarding Schools where there might be more wise rugby people?

He’s not suited to pro-sport. I’d remove him and take off the pressure. I know so pro-rugby players and it’s a mind game as much as anything. It’s also brutal on the body.

I hope he's in a better place now @Northerngirl87

Honestly in rugby the coaches decision is absolutely final and in general they tolerate zero respect.
I think the best thing to do is to sit down with your son and have a chat about the only real thing he can do is work his socks off at training at matches ( regardless of level) and impress the coaches again. There does tend to be to me a lot of movement at this age particularly as different boys mature at different stages and if he impresses he will be moved up.
I know he's young and emotional at this age but to succeed here he really needs to put his head down and take whatever they throw at him .

His reaction is probably what caused them to keep him down, people don't go from 0-200 like that so he must have been showing some signs prior to this and if he doesn't have the emotional maturity to play rugby at a high level and loses control like that mid match someone is going to get seriously hurt.

Rescuing him will do him no favours he needs to experience this and work through it. Encourage him to see the season out and then he can make a decision then.

If he's this arrogant at 15 then he definitely needs to be humbled and told to start again with just working hard at it and keeping his head down. He can't be rude to his coaches and team mates and expect to still be treated with respect. Is he like this in other areas of life too?

I think they are clearly trying to teach him a lesson and by just take him out of the team and start again somewhere else you are teaching him that his actions were fine and the coaches were wrong. That will just lead to more rudeness, entitlement and arrogance and that's not going to work in his favour long term, even if he deep down is a lovely and sensitive soul.

He should have been pleased he didn't go to the training camp, the coach basically said he wouldn't get anything from it. A bit like being upset to be told you didn't need remedial maths.

He needs to learn that no matter how good he thinks he is he should turn up on time, work hard and listen to the coach. Somedays things won't go the way he expects, you either quit or knuckle down and move on. He's still learning and needs to learn about being a team player.

Rugby is really big on respect. Yes Sir, No Sir, no talking back or poor manners. Tantrums and spoilt behaviour are absolutely not tolerated at any level. He needs to understand that he was being a brat about the training and that will not get him anywhere. He should apologise and focus on working hard to earn their respect back if he wants to have a future with the sport. It sounds like he is a very skilled player so it would be a shame to throw it all away over a teenage strop.

Dominant could be misconstrued as arrogant. Have you talked to him about how he comes across? How even as a male he can talk about his feelings with you? I don’t know anything about rugby but being in a highly competitive environment is a hot house and those who are not as resilient are the first to go.

He needs to learn that no matter how good he thinks he is he should turn up on time, work hard and listen to the coach. Somedays things won't go the way he expects, you either quit or knuckle down and move on. He's still learning and needs to learn about being a team player.

This is so true! Apparently Michael Jordan was always the first at training and last to leave. Heard the same about Ronaldo.

"you are in a really good place but the position you play makes it difficult for you to train uo. I am glad you are disappointed as this shows you are competitive.
This didn’t really help my son to understand why he wasn’t picked and he found out another boy of the same position was invited"

I'm surprised as a rugby family that this didn't make any sense to you. Maybe you're too close to it? I would say that he is maybe not physically mature enough to gain value from training with the next age up. Is he less muscular? shorter? is he a forward who needs mass or a back who needs speed? they've told him he cannot accelerate his development so i'd assume it's physical and there's nothing he can or should do to accelerate this.

His reaction to this is totally wrong headed though - he's shown he's not emotionally mature enough and he CAN work on that. Do NOT take him out and try another team - it's a small world and word gets around - and it also won't help him in the long-run to manage his emotions.