Defer school for a year?

[Pefw6293]

Hi all,

Not sure this is strictly a g&t question but hoping for some advice. I have a 4yo son who will be starting school this year unless we choose to defer. Because we are in Scotland (and the date his birthday falls) we’re entitled to hold off on sending him until next year, by which point he will be five when school starts.

Does anyone have any advice on deferring? He is very bright. His nursery have told us he’s miles ahead of any child they have had before (he reads chapter books, can write sentences, good understanding of maths basics, very eloquent etc) but their recommendation is to defer because he will otherwise be very young in the year and they think he will struggle socially.

He’s a sweetie and very friendly with adults but he finds it hard to make friends. He is shy and anxious around his peers and can find group situations overwhelming. It’s almost like he sees himself as another one of the adults instead of mucking in with his peers. He won’t join in play unless heavily encouraged, and he seems to struggle to connect. Nursery have done wonders helping with this but think he would benefit from another year.

I really trust the nursery but I also worry he will be bored or unfulfilled in school if he’s another year older before starting. He can already comfortably do most primary one ‘academic’ skills and more. But I do agree he has some maturing to do socially, and that’s such an important part of school that I want to set him up for success.

Does anyone have any advice?

He'll struggle socially even more if you hold him back - if he already relates more to adults than to his age peers, what do you think only being around children younger than him will be like for him?

https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/gifted-friendships-age-mate-vs-true-peer/

He’ll be with children around his own age whichever option we choose. It just changes which end of the age range he will be at.

He’s February born, so we have the option of him starting school in august this year aged 4 years and 6 months, or august next year aged 5 years and 6 months. If we go with option one he will be one of the youngest in the year, option two he will be one of the oldest, but either way he will be with other children aged 4 and a half to 5 and a half.

I think the reason he relates better to adults is that he feels safer with them. He is learning a lot of social skills at the moment and is finding it easier to make friends and play with other kids. Another year of really working on that with nursery facilitating it might really help him and mean he starts school with confidence and better social skills. But I worry he’ll be bored and unfulfilled at school. He loves to learn and I don’t want to deprive him of starting that if it’s the right thing.

It sounds like he really needs to start Reception. Don’t hold him back. Social skills will develop.

My DD is bright for her year despite being born in May but is socially younger than her age. She needs to be at school to build the social skills and the teachers have been supportive with this.

Even in her correct year she is often bored when simple maths and spellings are taking place. The curriculum is very much designed to make sure every child reaches a base level of spelling key words like ‘and’ ‘the’ as well as being able to do simple sums by the end of KS1. I think it’s probably the right approach as it’s so important to get the foundations in place for all children but it does leave the more academically able often sitting disengaged during maths and SPaG. I really wouldn’t compound this by holding your DS back.

He sounds like my ds at that age. Very bright but struggled to connect with other kids. He didn't like reception and preschool much and preferred y1 when it was more structured more focused on schoolwork, with less playing. So in your shoes I would probably send him earlier. (My ds now 18 gradually became more sociable over the years and now has tons of friends).

I would get him to school and have a chat about how they can stretch him. Starting school with the others will be better for him than starting school a year later and everyone else knows the deal and he doesn’t. If he has trouble socialising then he will have trouble regardless of setting.

I would get him settled into school and then see if they can help with the socialising. They may also be able to help with stretch.

Because we are in Scotland there is no reception year. They go straight into year one. That’s why you’re allowed the option to defer if your child has a birthday between September and February, to account for those who might not be ready to start school in the absence of a reception year.

Since in Scotland you can now defer any child still 4, he could potentially be 18 months younger than some, but middle age if you defer.

It really depends on what everyone else is doing.

I wouldn't defer, there doesn't sound like a good reason for it. It would be a shame to hold him back if he's bright, he could become bored and lose interest if you keep him in nursery another year.
He'll mature a lot when he starts school anyway.
Schools are very used to having a class of different ages and abilities at reception.

This. He sounds more than ready for school.

Personally I would defer. Academic readiness is only one part of the equation, social readiness/maturity will make a huge difference to how he copes too. Being a year older and more mature could make the whole experience of being at school more positive for him. I think you'll get a lot of replies from people in England who will have a different perspective as deferring there simply means skipping reception and starting year 1 along with the same year group, so there will likely be a lot of people not recognising that this would actually be an extra year of preschool, starting with a later year group. Your call, but ultimately he's not going to be less ready in a year, and it's just giving him an extra year of childhood.

My ds is old in the year but was similar to your ds at a few weeks off 5 - reading, great maths, rubbish social skills. School has been great for his social skills although he's learnt little to nothing academically. I wouldn't hold him back, otherwise he'll be so far ahead academically that he might disengage with the teaching.

I wouldn't hold him back either. He will learn plenty socially at school as well as academically. I can't see any benefit to him being kept back. Primary teachers are well equipped for this sort of thing.

I am a teacher in Scotland. They do not go straight into year 1 here, reception is the equivalent of our Primary 1 although there are some differences.

I have just deferred my own January born child and she starts school in August. She is also bright but emotionally very young. She has loved the extra year at nursery, she spends a lot of time outdoors and it has worked well for her. She's still emotionally young however but better than she was last year!

I'd say with your son, it's a different story. I'd send him to school. He sounds like he needs the challenge of learning. He can work on social skills within the school setting and the curriculum for the early years is now very play based so he will still have a lot of opportunites to play with others in the classroom setting.

I would make an appointment to talk to the head of Early Years or the headteacher at the school to discuss this, but my opinion is don’t defer. If you defer, the gap academically between him and his classmates next year will be even wider, making it harder for the teacher to cater to his individual needs and more likely for him to become bored. If he prefers adult company he won’t enjoy being with or talking to children all younger than him.

He won’t be the only child in his class whose social skills need development.

We kept our daughter in nursery and started her in reception halfway through the year (otherwise she would have been 4 and a couple of days old starting school and was still very “babyish” when she did start reception).
Although she had friends in nursery she found adjusting to a big class in reception difficult (eg when she first started and the teacher wanted her to sit down just before hometime, teacher didn’t have time to listen to my daughter about the problem she was having putting on her gloves and lost her temper…). When I picked her up she was in tears.
However it didn’t take long before she was way ahead academically and she would have been bored if we had kept her back a year. I think if they’re very bright being the youngest works in their favour overall

I am late on this but in case it's worthwhile. DS is exactly the opposite to your son in that he is one of the oldest in his year and because he was strong academically we were encouraged that he start school a year early (note not UK state system). We later moved him into his proper year because whilst it wasn't an issue academically him being ahead, it was socially. He has been much happier in a position where he isn't having to deal with being emotionally less mature than the rest of the class.

Now he wasn't as academically ahead as it sounds like your DS is, but in your position I'd listen to nursery.

Unless of course you suspect nursery might have a reason they'd want to keep him (eg they're struggling to fill their spaces).

My September born DD was very similar (though maybe not quite so advanced) and academically would've been fine in the year above, but socially would've been a disaster. Not saying this is the case for your DS, but she also went on to be diagnosed with ASD and as she's got older the social gap has widened but we got to juniors before it slipped below the normal variation within a year. In the year above she's have started behind and never caught up.

I would defer him. If nursery think he needs it for his social skills I would listen to them. I have seen children move up to school who are socially behind their peers and it's not great from them, and will be even more marked when they go to high school. Nursery staff are very experienced in this and don't make recommendations without thought.

I would send to school
I have two exceptionally bright kids (top 1-2% on national tests), one of whom is exceptionally beyond her peers but struggles socially and the social gap never closes in primary when the kids are that bright. You just have to cling on and hope they make one friend until secondary when the chances are they will make more friends.

Deferring would simply delay and make the situation worse. I have one child who continues to self develop but one child (male) who refuses to engage in school, is completely bored and completes their extension work in minutes. But he's openly rude and challenging with it. I think it's more common for gifted male boys to openly challenge authority and switch off. Girls tend to mask and be more compliant (to their own detriment and a whole host of other issues arise)