Would you change school?

[Bakingwithmyboys]

DS is in year 1 at a lovely primary school but I feel he's not being challenged in the areas he's strongest. We also know that he is the only one working at his level.

We are thinking of moving him for a number of reasons.

1. In the hopes he might find some peers who are closer to his level or even provide competition academically.

2)to be challenged more often

3)to be in a school that isn't so socially deprived so can actually focus on challenge rather than getting children where they need to be (that's even before covid).

We are very different to a lot of other parents on the playground (I'm not saying all) in that we actually care about his academic progress. I definitely have a case of "my face doesn't fit" when I'm on the playground.

So all in all, we have enough genuine reasons to move him. However, he's so anxious about going to places he doesn't know people. (His current school were AMAZING at settling him into school) as I thought this was going to be a nightmare. My stomach ties itself in knots at the idea of doing this to him.

It got pointed out to us that if we do it, sooner would be better before he really cements any friendships after the return to school. It's just cuts me up, the idea of doing this too him. But I want him to be challenged and not bored. He's already picking up he's a bit clever.

I guess it’s a risk either way: if you stay, you risk him not being challenged in particular areas at school. If you go, you risk him finding it hard/not settling in the new place.

The first could be mitigated by doing other things with him outside school. The second could be mitigated, by perhaps visiting the new school a few times before starting and consider moving again if he doesn’t settle.

It also depends also on whether you feel confident providing the extra stuff at home or getting a tutor (not necessarily ‘tutoring’ like studying for exams, but maybe exploring some fun stuff with a tutor - like writing a mini book or puzzles)?

DH felt he wasn’t challenged enough at school. I’m from a culture that probably places (too) much emphasis on academic success, so doing stuff outside school was v normal.

Can school not keep him in his peer group but challenge him by moving him up for certain classes?

If you have 30 kids in his class now and 15 at private school chances are he won't have competition there either and school are always telling us the key is self extension and resilience. Setting skills for life rather than spoon feeding for academic results.

What have you done to push school?

Are you looking to move to private or a different state?

What does “my face doesn’t fit” even mean?

That she feels like the odd one out. Maybe the other mums are all friendly and know each other and she feels a bit left out. It’s horrible when you are shy!

Short answer: yes, move.
Longer answer: ds1 is finishing up year 6 and definitely hasn't been challenged in his primary school. Not particularly their fault, especially with covid where most of his class did bugger all over lockdown. We now have ds2 coming up for primary school and tomorrow I'm ringing the council to see if there is space in a neighbouring village school rather than our own village because I believe he'll be better challenged there. I am kicking myself for not going through this enough when we applied but here we are and it's a small birth year so fingers crossed.

But if you're thinking of staying in the state sector there's no point progressing your thoughts without seeing if there is even a place for him in a different school. It's a funny situation to be in, our existing school is "fine" and has done our eldest ok. But I do wonder.

And about not fitting in in the playground - a supply teacher once marched up to me and said "you're not from round here are you?" I said er umm no actually...she said I can tell, your son actually wants to learn....

@Neighneigh

Short answer: yes, move. Longer answer: ds1 is finishing up year 6 and definitely hasn't been challenged in his primary school. Not particularly their fault, especially with covid where most of his class did bugger all over lockdown. We now have ds2 coming up for primary school and tomorrow I'm ringing the council to see if there is space in a neighbouring village school rather than our own village because I believe he'll be better challenged there. I am kicking myself for not going through this enough when we applied but here we are and it's a small birth year so fingers crossed.

But if you're thinking of staying in the state sector there's no point progressing your thoughts without seeing if there is even a place for him in a different school. It's a funny situation to be in, our existing school is "fine" and has done our eldest ok. But I do wonder.

And about not fitting in in the playground - a supply teacher once marched up to me and said "you're not from round here are you?" I said er umm no actually...she said I can tell, your son actually wants to learn....

Thank you for this. It's actually very insightful as DS2 is certainly going to have similar strengths.

We are not thinking private. There is another school just the other side of the estate and is actually our catchment school. They are 2 form entry and I've known a few parents whose children have gone there. The junior school that follows on from the potential new school has a reputation for being very academic which I think my boys will strive with.

My face not fitting is along those same lines. My boy wants to learn. Myself and DH help him learn as much as we can. We are invested in his education. This is not the norm for most parents, again I say most and not all. Even the reception teacher (who understood us very well) told us DS1's best friend at school was a lovely boy but she couldn't see myself and the Mum being buddies. I know this doesn't have to be the case, but it would be the same with most of the parents within that school.

We aren't going to say anything to him or firm any plans until we have spoken to the other school there may not even be space for him.

I'd move him if the other school has a place.
Maybe after May half term??

Does the school not have a gifted and talented programme?
Although year 1 its maybe early as kids are at varying levels , my two boys were at the bottom at that age ( they left with high sats)
I don't know why people come in to ask though really, for you its not all about education either you don't like the other parents or children and think there not good enough quite clearly.
My boys are teenagers now and their friends mums and I are acquaintances more than friends , but then I had friends so didn't feel I needed to be good friends with his friends parents , just know them enough.
I can't believe their isn't a single parent you wouldn't like or get on with , You fo sound judgemental of other parents , have you actually spoken to anyone ?
Why didn't you send him to your catchment school in the first place ?

Sorry for the long post, but... I would definitely suggest you move him. I’m a year 2 teacher and children adapt very quickly in KS1 so he will very soon be totally settled into the new school, especially after the school closures of the last two years which will mean that no child is a settled into school as they may normally be.

In my setting I have one child who has a glaringly ‘different’ home life and parental aspiration to the rest of the class, although it’s the opposite way around ( almost exclusively high aspiration, professional parents and one unemployed, constant trouble with police parent) It was manageable in reception, but now is getting harder and harder to manage. The mum is noticeably stood alone on the playground at home time now, in reception and yr1 the other mums would try to include her and chat but they clearly try to avoid being near her now after repeated incidents of loud, foul langauge from the mum, the child hurting and frightening other members of the class and even the police having to be called to manage an argument which happened when both the parents had come together to collect the child and then argued violently in the playground.

As a school we want what is best for the child, and we are noticing that we are having to heavily cajole other children to include the child in games, then five minutes later having to console them when the child takes things too far and scares them, or is too rough and injures them.. The child is then upset because they don’t understand what has gone wrong - they have no understanding of how to play and engage socially in the same way as the other children, and struggle to identify unacceptable or inappropriate language.

We are a city school and there are other, more diverse schools close by which are also larger than ours so they have the space and staff capacity to offer nurture groups, social skills interventions, early parenting classes, and catch up interventions that the child so desperately needs if they are to break the cycle and achieve a better life.

I had to speak to the mum about an incident in class towards the end of last term. She was, in her own words, ‘sick of listening to me whinging when their just being a kid. She’s going to move the child to X school instead so she doesn’t have to keep hearing it’. I can’t help but think it will be best for the child to have afresh start somewhere new, and with more resources to support them. We just don’t have the space or staff capacity to do so at my setting as we are inner city with no spare rooms or outdoor space to add any for nurture interventions etc, and I can’t have an adult constantly attached to the child to manage and support their language, behaviour and engagement.

What I mean by all of that is sometimes, you just need to accept that not every school is the right fit for every child and that just because it’s a good school for one pupil, it may not have the right resources, social mix, priorities or curricular agenda to be the best option for another pupil.

Different courses for different horses and if you are finding that this course doesn’t suit your horse, then you should feel no guilt or anguish over switching to one that would be a better fit!

Having moved 2 of my 3, I'd say it is definitely now or never, OP.
You can't agonise over it. If you genuinely know, in your heart of hearts, that moving your DS is the right thing, then go for it.

FWIW, DD(now finishing year 6) was my most unsettled child. She remains my most sensitive child.
She cried from the day she started nursery... every.single. day. Recpetion? Same thing. Year 1? You guessed it. She was just so unsettled in school. We moved her in the middle of year 2 and she slipped right in, never shed a tear and just cracked on with it. It was shockingly simple. Her previous school was amazing, as is her current one. So, I'll never really know what the tears were all about.
My point is, you might find that your DS is absolutely fine about moving. And even if he isn't, he will absolutely settle.
You've just got to make the decision (knowing it's the right one) and just do it. Don't tread water and agonise over it. It'll be ok.

Parents go on and on about ability and talent and blah blah but ultimately what they want (but rarely admit to) is an environment in which they feel they belong. So if the other parents are poorer, they feel out of place, if the other parents are richer, they feel intimidated. Honestly just choose a school with the same demographic and you'll be a lot more comfortable.

This is a difficult one, lot's to weigh up.
Mine was well above and it got to the stage at 6 where she knew more than the teachers ( not academic), so she went to a specialist school where she was one of 200 others of the same level, and she boards.
As your child is settled I'd speak to school first, to see what they can offer.
If it isn't suitable I'd look at a move, but at this age I'm not so sure there's a hurry.
Also, it might just be that the school doesn't fit your child irrespective of the G&T statement.
Good Pastoral care shouldn't be over looked as not all schools are good in this way.

He's 6. A lot can change over the years and I would 100% prioritise him being happy and socially settled than any perceived lack of 'stretching' him. How you do you even know this? It screams of middle class angst that the school is socially deprived. He will only have been in school for 2.5terms with school closures. That's hardly any at all.
If you're so invested then buy him a tutor or nurture other extra curricular activities

Different classes and year groups within he same school even can make the difference and a lot is to do with the other parents not just the teaching. Child 1 ended up in what I didn’t realise was a bonkers level competitive year group. She thrived / joined the competition and won a 50% scholarship and an attitude that continues (rest of her year dominantly to grammar or scholarships to private). Child 2 at same school didn’t have that competitive environment and although I think they started out the brighter child with the more enquiring mind, has not come close in achievement (yet), and the 2ndary school places for the year just didn’t come close. I’d imagine that the kids who hate competition did far better in that cohort however. Very much horses for courses and grab the course that suits if you can.

Send him to a school in an affluent area you may feel your face fits? At my dd school who is behind btw normal state. All kids parents are head teachers secondary school teachers, nurses, financial advisors etc. I'm professional and wfh and turn up with no make up most mornings and look like I've been dragged out of bed 😴

Y1s don't need to be competing against each other academically.

Why didnt you send him to that school in the first place? What made you pick that school and is there a place at the other school