Help- my DD is being "bullied"....hold me back!! :(

[bossybritches]

I have my DD off school today as she needed what I call a "golden day" (euphamism for "throwing a sickie"!!) Not something I encourage but you know sometimes they need a day off as they seem like they're coming down with something but they perk up as soon as 9 am has passed??

Anyway I found a note in my DD's school coat pocket ( I have to frisk her regularly for school letters etc!) & it nearly made me cry. " My friends aren't being very nice to me lately & there are some girls who keep stealing my things & pretending they haven't."

Now she is a bright girl & a bit of a loner (nose PERMANENTLY in a book) so I think she'll get picked on as being "different". I've always encouraged her to ignore such things & hold her own corner & by & large she does & is quite happy. This is,I feel, a cry for help as she often writes me notes if she wants to sy something but can't get it out!

Now my first instinct is to storm into school & slap these girls round the face which I know is a very childish & not very
constructive I have phoned the school & asked for a chat with her form tutor & he is ringing me back later. I don't want to make a big thing of this but need to know some background & his side of things so we can support her & help her stand up to these girls (I hesitate to use the word bullies it's so harsh) but also make them realise their behaviour is unnaceptable.

They are Y8 so the settling in period should be over.

Any advice much appreciated!

I think it is very normal to want to give her friends a good slap

I get the impression from your post that you haven't spoken to your DD about this. Have you? In my experience you need all the facts before speaking to the form tutor. I also try - difficult as it can be - to allow a full 24 hours after speaking to my DDs before taking any actions so that I have time to calm down and think rationally about it.

Thanks for the swift reply Chop Chop!

Sorry didn't give all the info as it was a long enough post!!

Yes I have had a chat with the DD. She was being very hormonal today (not stroppy just weepy)I just waved the bit of paper under her nose & asked her gently if it was something she wanted to talk about or just mucking around scribble. She looked at me with big eyes & burst into tears sobbing her heart out. We had a cuddle & I just told her to let it out if she wanted. After a long time she calmed down & said it was only little incidents so hadn't said anything to me or anyone else as they were so trivial. (snatching pencil cases & chucking them around the classroom & then denying all knowledge- moving bags or books from where she KNOWS she left them then the mysteriously re-appear weeks later) Thinking back there have been several occcasions when she has "lost" things & she's such a dolly daydream I have put it down to her wondering around in a daze as she often does. Feel awful now as it probably wasn't her fault & I have bollocked her for being careless

The school have a very pro-active stance to bullying so I don't feel I'm rushing in, I won't be Demanding Something Is Done (IYKWIM ) just need to alert the teacher & ask his advice.

I also want her to feel I am taking it seriously. She doesn't know I am speaking to her teacher but I will tell her I asked his advice.

Yes, it possibly says quite a lot about me that I need the 24 hour reflection period otherwise I would tend to 'demand something is done THIS MINUTE' without it.

Good luck with the chat with the teacher. Your DD probably feels better already now that she's let it all out.

Does she socialise with the other girls outside school? It could help to build up some firmer friendships. Girls of that age IME are very cliquey.

Do you think you should tell your daughter what you're planning to do and make sure she's happy with it?
I always worry with my daughters that they may feel they've lost control of their own situation if I act without their consent. I feel they're more likely to share concerns in the future if they can somehow retain some ownership and control over their problem.

Lainey I haven't yet purely because I'm doing this to help me get an idea of the situation & flag it up with the teacher so he can help her deal with it.

I don't want her to think I'm storming in & dealing with it as I feel she has to learn to fight her own battles to a certain extent. Trouble is I didn't know if it was all just her being sensitive or what.She is a solitary child & although quite articulate with adults, doesn't have many friends amongst her peers,as she is so different.(nothing wrong with that but....!!)

Anyway the teacher rang &had a good long chat. He talked about DD1 in a very insightful manner (as much as any of us know her!) & has obviously got her measure.

I feel better that I have voiced my concerns but also that he knows I don't want him to intervene unless DD1 wants to either via me or through her chatting to him directly.

She is writing down some of her thoughts on my lap-top for me to read later.