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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Smart toddler - but extremely sensitive

12 replies

ToddlerQuestions · 15/02/2021 13:18

Long-time MNer, NC’d in case outing.

Would really appreciate people’s experiences of dealing with hypersensitivity.

DD is 18 months old, she’s smart: picked up words very early, spoke in complex sentences by 15 months, can name colours and rattles off numbers to 10, knows quite a few letters, can “count” items correctly up to 5, recognises her name written down, knows lots of words to nursery rhymes, freakishly good memory for what things are called and events that happened. Also increasing interest in drawing parallels eg “plants are like tiny trees”. She is also good fun and quite the comedian, swapping words in nursery rhymes for laughs, mimicking people’s voices and so on. We don’t push any of this, she sort of just gets on with it. She generally seems ahead of her peers from looking at milestones and we’ll just wait and see how that unfolds with age.

But she is also extremely sensitive with it, both emotionally and in terms of sensory things. I’ve read this can happen to smart children, so what’s the best way to support?

Examples:

She will genuinely wail if a toy falls down “teddy is hurt”, when DH stuffed a whole biscuit in his mouth she cried “poor daddy, too much, it’s too big”, very emotional when watching cartoons (teary every time Moon Baby goes back to the moon!). We got her a train set, all nicely arranged as a surprise, and she hurriedly took all the toys out “train goes too fast, they’re ok now”. Cries if I do sit-ups because she thinks I’m in pain (she’s not wrong!). There’s a positive side to this emotional sensitivity too: if she sees a child fall over in the park she’s try and go to them or if she sees that a child is collecting eg rocks or sticks she will find more and give it to them. Also warm and loving at home to us and to teddies “everybody comfy in bed?”.

Textures, similar story - huge reservations about walking barefoot at home, let alone on grass/sand, anything new like bubble wrap or snow is usually a big hesitant frown and a whine, though her curiosity does get the better of her and she persists with most things. Overly sensitive to some sounds, especially if they go on for a bit (eg passing train), but loves music and noisy toys, as long as she’s controlling the sounds.

If relevant, she’s not been to nursery yet but due to start age 2.

I wouldn’t say we’re over-cautious as parents, she’s able to roam freely and if she’s in any sort of danger we redirect gently. We don’t argue, no adult TV on for her to see things that may have frightened her. She just seems made that way. We always acknowledge eg if she doesn’t like a texture or if she’s sad and then reassure her.

Is there anything we can do to help her cope a bit better, especially ahead of nursery? The 5-6 toddler peers we know don’t seem to have this kind of sensitivity. Is this something they grow out of?

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 15/02/2021 13:25

The very empathic stuff might be helped by working on resilience with her? Modelling and explaining that it is normal and OK for things to be tough sometimes, because that allows growth - eg: you do difficult exercises but then they will hopefully get easier (this concept is a good start for things like learning to read or play an instrument where it can be a struggle sometimes). Talk about how Teddy will get better from his accident and will now know better next time, etc, and how if you never make mistakes it shows you aren't trying enough new things.

Xerochrysum · 16/02/2021 09:11

I think my dc was very similar. Very emotional, sensitive, highly alert.
He cried if he hear other baby crying. He just couldn't stand other people in pain, or what he thought was in pain.
Started crying when he was in church and heard organ music. Cried when he saw the beautiful sunset.
We didn't do anything bout it, I thought it was a good thing to feel and express.

Now he is in secondary. He still cries when he watches films, very sensitive, and I think it's a great trait. Turned out to be quite normal, popular child.

Findahouse21 · 16/02/2021 09:16

Sounds simillar to my dd, now 6. Academically she's ahead of her peers at school, although being an autumn baby has also given her a serious headstart. I'd label her as 'ahead' rather than gifted.
Nursery did help her to tackle some of her sensitivities eg having to just lump it if someone knocked over her tower of blocks. We did look for a nursrry that fostered independentmce skills rather than 'babying' the 2 years olds.

Imo choosing a nursery that started at age 2 and had all ages in one room rally helped her in both aspects; academically she could participate in the activities with the older children but also benefitted from their emotional resilience.

trevthecat · 16/02/2021 09:17

Have a Google of orchid and dandelions, you may have a little orchid. I definitely do. Working on resilience is a good idea. Lots of information online, lots of tips. Sounds like you are doing a great job

HoppingPavlova · 16/02/2021 09:51

Look up ‘twice exceptional’ or ‘2e’ kids as I have one who had similarities to what you describe. They are now an adult. Personally I hate those terms, also hate ‘gifted’. May fit the bill but you won’t know until your child is older.

My child was/is ‘gifted’ but could never ride a bike or do quite a few things kids who were not gifted could do. I would say some kids have strong talents in some areas but the phrase ‘gifted’ is weird and wrong.

ToddlerQuestions · 16/02/2021 10:55

Thanks so much, everyone. Really helpful to have your insights and lots to follow up on. MN at its best!

We did try a resilience book - The Koala Who Could. In the book, in the process of finding his resilience, the koala falls out of a tree (but is ok!)... it was instant floods of tears and the book isn’t to be touched again, still. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I now feel I can give resilience another go with all your help.

OP posts:
KimGriffinOT · 10/03/2021 12:09

From what you're describing there are a few sensory issues there, including touch sensitivity.

There is a FB group called SPDUK where parents share similar stories and tips. www.facebook.com/groups/515397731955193

I've also explained common sensory differences in these blogs
www.griffinot.com/category/sensory-challenges/

ForLovingTealSheep · 14/10/2025 18:31

How’s he doing autistic or adhd or

ForLovingTealSheep · 14/10/2025 18:32

Xerochrysum · 16/02/2021 09:11

I think my dc was very similar. Very emotional, sensitive, highly alert.
He cried if he hear other baby crying. He just couldn't stand other people in pain, or what he thought was in pain.
Started crying when he was in church and heard organ music. Cried when he saw the beautiful sunset.
We didn't do anything bout it, I thought it was a good thing to feel and express.

Now he is in secondary. He still cries when he watches films, very sensitive, and I think it's a great trait. Turned out to be quite normal, popular child.

Was she easily overwhelmed by public places

MonGrainDeSel · 27/10/2025 18:36

This may be helpful in understanding what is happening when your child gets upset by things that others would easily shrug off: http://www.shulamit.info/funnel.htm

Winnieminnie · 20/11/2025 23:12

Your DC sounds like my friend’s dd - extremely clever girl with an amazing memory but extremely sensitive to outside noise, very particular about certain materials and is neurodivergent.

She was diagnosed as being neurodivergent and hypersensitivity at 4/5 as she struggled to cope with noise within a large group of children but after they identified that she was neurodivergent, with trial and error the nursery and then her primary school have helped her adjust to certain environments and were extremely supportive. Your DC is too young to get tested but I’ll keep an eye on this.

extrastrongmintz · 22/11/2025 11:02

Dabrowski wrote about "overexcitabilities" in gifted children - apparently a more accurate translation into English would be "super-sensitivities":

https://sengifted.org/overexcitability-and-the-gifted/

https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/living-with-intensity-overexcitabilities-in-profoundly-gifted-children/

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