Anyone with a g/t oldest child, sibling problems?

[miggy]

DS1 is 14 (last week) he is incredibly bright, moved up a year, top of new year, knows all the answers to everything, mega driven and hardworking, star of school debating/quizzes/plays, loved by his teachers, blah blah blah (not vomit inducing here just vital scene setting)
ds2 (10) and DD (8) are both bright, got scholarships, in top 5% year etc but in a "normal" way, iyswim.
dd isnt an issue, she is a girl, mega organised and savvy.
ds2 is a bit of a jack the lad, lots of mates, cheeky but gets away with it because hes cute, mega disorganised, does the least he can get away with school work wise.
We have never ever compared him to his brother but he compares himself and sees himself as failing. Lately he has been saying that "I wont get a scholarship to my next school" at which point I obv say that whether he does or not makes no odds.
But he also told my Dad this week that he has given up trying at school because he will never be as good as DS1
I dont know how to handle it really. Would like to tell him that he is more likely to have a happy life than DS1 but that might be dangerous.
Any ideas?

I have always made it quite clear to my children that I value hard work more than pure cleverness. The things they get praised most for are the things that don't come so easily to them. DD1 is brilliant academically, but she knows she gets mega praise for persevering with things like ballet, violin and swimming which her dyspraxia makes difficult for her.
DD2 on the other hand is very sociable, outgoing and a born performer, but she gets praise for things like reading, spelling and maths which she finds harder than DD1 does.
I don't know if it will work in the long run, but so far, so good.

tricky one miggy & I'll be interested to see the responses. Gut feeling is you must re-iterate (many times if necessary) to ds2 that the important thing is to always do your own best rather than worry about how you compare with others. It's a lesson that everyone needs to learn really.

Like Rosa, we give more praise for the thigns which actually took some effort, and make sure that DD1 turns out to support the others at the things they do.

The key thing is that the children feel valued and loved, which I'm sure is true of yours.

This is the same situation in DH's family.

Dh was ultra bright (genius level IQ shit), went to Oxford, and then became a Fighter pilot (hard act to follow)

Next brother was a UK olypmic standard sports man, now high flying buisness man (hard act to follow and cool as well!)

Next brother was a rebel, but got the best city and guilds qualification in the UK in his year when settled down. Self made man, can buy and sell DH and the other brother.

Love them, support them, and I bet it all comes out in the wash! They find their own ways to be happy and sucessful

interesting bit in the Times yesterday about a study comparing praising intelligence vs praising effort.

Thanks guys, hopefully as MB says "it will all come out in the wash" just hate to think of DS2 comparing himself and finding himself wanting, because he isnt, if there was a competition on general life skills, he would win hands down!
The times article was interesting
Have always tried to praise effort more than intelligence anyway but will make more of an effort there myself
We dont push DS1, he pushes himself, Im the one saying "stop the prep now and watch tv or something" (You can see I dont have the full teenager experience yet but dont worry will be there soon with DS2!)

Ds1 is extremely intelligent and ds2 could never compete in the academic field so he developed in other ways. Ds1 now teaches (he loves teaching) but ds2 took part in school productions as a sound and lighting engineer and now has his own company and is doing very well. You need to encourage your son to develop different interests and talents.

We have the opposite problem. Dd (5) is more advanced in reading and than Ds (7), who feels very put out by it. It is very hard to reassure him that he is doing fine and has loads of different skills, when his younger sister appears to be catching up.

Ds1 is really bright, gifted at maths and plays chess...very logical. Ds2 is bright as a button but not so much in an academic way, acts, dances, sings...great at language. Thank God is all I can say,...they are so opposite they compliment each other IFKWIM. However it still doesn't stop them comparing occasionally..I just continue to praise their individual strengths.As they are only 6&8 I'm not sure if is the best route but its what comes naturally.