Did you ever wish they were just normal?

[jabberwocky]

That sounds awful, I know, but sometimes it's just so hard I now understand why there are support groups for parents of gifted children. Ds1 is brilliant but has all the classic personality quirks of G&T and sometimes I just want to scream. He is so intensely sensitive to things and yet at the same time insensitive to others at times (err, mainly ME). I go from being in awe of his intellect to wanting to...well, being rather upset. His brother is soooo much easier and happier.

Aughhhh!

Forget the 'pause' button Jabberwocky, just do the best you can. 'Talent does what it can, genius does what it must'.

Emotionally though he is still a normal 4 year old boy.

I'd like an automatic timer on the pause button, set for 9am when they're in school.

I am so surprised by thread on so many levels.

Having a "G&T" child can be "hard work" but as a previous poster has said no way as hard work as having a SN child. If you have a truly "G&T" child then revel in it. It is a learning experience for the whole family.

Toddlers do ask questions and personally the question "Why don't rabbits wear crash helmets" is a typical type of toddler question - not one that points to being "G&T". If a 5yo is asking about atoms and the Wall Street crash then you are onto something different.

IME we all think that our children are unique and special - which they are - but most of them are within the normal ranges of intelligence.

I also think that the real confirmation is when a totally independent educational professional assesses your child formally.

i think there a going to be a lot of disillusioned 16 year olds in 12 years time

I've got a G+T child and an SN child

I cna tell you easily which one is harder and it is not DD with SN

it all depends on the SN of course that is...

jabber - as to the support you are looking for - you maybe won't find it in this particular topic, which tends to light people's blue touchpapers (except re practical advice, where it works much better). I realise you've been around for ages & don't need guidance from me, but if it might be helpful I suggest you have a look around in, say, Education, where there are people (inc. me) with very square-peg/clever children discussing issues without the high temperatures. (And I think what you are saying is that your ds's personality quirks are the difficult bit, not his cleverness - so the square-peg discussions might be the real help?)

Ignore if unhelpful, or grandmother-egg type information!

That's excellent advice Bink, I have found lots of things discussed in primary and general education topic which were useful for my dd

Jabber (and snorkle)... I hope you realise that I was trying to be positive, not 'putty-downy', in my reply. What I meant to say (and perhaps didn't very well) was that I can sympathise up to a point because of the questioning thing, but only up to a point because my dd isn't G&T. (She is in school and hasn't been identified as such...)

I'm really sorry if my reply came across as arsey. It was really meant to be helpful, or at least supportive.

Hi Bink... have compared 'square-peggedness' with you before re. dd1. Am very happy with her new teacher this year (in Year 3) who seems to have the knack of focusing her attention, rather than just yelling at her for zoning out like her Year 2 teacher did.

Hi Jabbers,

Yes you did reply on a thread of mine not long ago.

DD has now finished her Assessment and she does have AS. But she is extremley high functioning, and did very well in the Pyscs tests. She has just started school last week and is enjoying the new challenge but im not so sure that school are lol.

Peronally i dont know what causes us the most problems the fact that she is an extremley able child or the AS tbh. However that fact that she has AS will get her more support as school. But its all early days for her so we shall see.

Desi I am a CM so I do not spend much time reading during the day, we spend most of it playing out on outings and yes when the weather is bad we spend time with the types of activities you have suggested. I completely agree and even though I do feel my dd is bright I don't presume she is gifted or talented. I just was interested in the criteria. thanks.

You're welcome

Ellbell, I didn't think your reply was put-downey and I think your dd sounds great btw.

Oh phew... this is such a heated subject (and not one where I've ever posted before) and I was scared of upsetting someone.

Hopefully I won't be accused of anything other than over-enthusiasm if I say that my dd is amazing!

Ellbell - that's fantastic news - and keep us updated! Re zoning out, I don't think I've seen you on the "dreamers" thread? - would be ideal place for your updates, so can I invite you over?

PS this is also a general invitation for anyone else who has a space-cadet child, brainy or otherwise, to join that thread. It's a perfect example of where to find support & help outside the hair-triggers of G+T.

What's normal? I wouldn't wish normality on my kids.

Thanks to all of you who gave supportive posts. I left for a conference Friday morning and only returned last night.

I generally do not post about ds1's aptitudes for precisely the reason illustrated here. Some posters feel bound to reply in an unkind and/or unhelpful manner. It mystifies me. If ds1 had a health issue or learning disability I doubt that I would be hounded to prove it or give examples. It is sad really, as MN can be such a supportive site in other ways. I did wonder if the thread would go wonky but since it was posted under the G&T topic I had hoped that I would get some serious discussion from parents with similar issues.

spinsugar, I did not mean to ignore your question. We noticed quite early on that ds1 seemed different and this was confirmed by independant educators. The reason that it is so important to identify children early as I mentioned before is that they have a tendency to mentally drop-out if their needs are not met in the primary years. I forget who said it, but a quote that really impressed me was "Putting a gifted child in a regular kindergarten is torture for which a person should be jailed". Harsh perhaps, but it does get the message across. I don't think anyone would get slammed for early "labeling" of autism, MS, or any other issue that can benefit from early intervention.

I have no plans to return to this thread as I can't see that it will have the chance to turn into a constructive conversation.

I don't know if any of you have ever talked to your children about how they feel about being G+T, or whether you feel any of them are old enough to, but as a (former cos I'm now 21) G+T child myself WE WISH WE WERE NORMAL. It's annoying being top of the class 90% of the time. It's annoying when adults look down on you and say that you can't possibly be aware of what's happening in the stock market and why because you're only 14. In fact it gets so annoying that you seek out things you aren't good at just so you're not different any more.

Having a G+T child must be incredibly challenging as a parent - my mother admitted to me recently that she struggled to cope with me but she never said anything, and I'm glad she didn't - but it's hard for the child too. So often we're pushed ahead academically but our social/emotional development is rather left behind. Don't assume that because a child can read or do equations they're ahead in all their areas of development. Personally I ended up in classes with children essentially 2 years older than me (I'm a June birthday) and the net result was I never had any friends.

breathes

I've wanted to say all that for years!

So, jabberwocky, it's okay to wish that your G+T child is normal. Treat them like a normal child. Just don't tell them so...

Thanks so much for posting from your point of view. I think you have put quite well some of what has been overwhelming to dh and me. Ds1 already has problems relating to peers at times b/c he is so far ahead of them academically but then lags behind socially. We are putting out an enormous effort atm finding a school that will fit all of his needs not just advise us to skip grades and that's it, IYKWIM.

I know I had said I didn't intend to come back to the thread but I saw your post and wanted to thank you for giving the other side of the story. My husband often says "It's not easy being (ds1)" when we catch ourselves getting frustrated.

Just wanted to add that every time I see this title I am sadly reminded of my mom telling me how she wished I were 'more normal'. I wasn't G & T like Fran but in some bordering problem range. She said that when I went up to the 'big' school she had hoped I would be more normal. Near the end of her life, she repeated this - saying that 'it' had taken her away from me.

Fran - totally remember the utter frustration of being told I didn't or couldn't know things I clearly did. No, it really isn't easy. Jill