Did you ever wish they were just normal?

[jabberwocky]

That sounds awful, I know, but sometimes it's just so hard I now understand why there are support groups for parents of gifted children. Ds1 is brilliant but has all the classic personality quirks of G&T and sometimes I just want to scream. He is so intensely sensitive to things and yet at the same time insensitive to others at times (err, mainly ME). I go from being in awe of his intellect to wanting to...well, being rather upset. His brother is soooo much easier and happier.

Aughhhh!

Sorry Jabber - have hijacked/diverted your thread somewhat.....

Have to say, I did laugh this morning on the way to school with DD "why is there water there?" (a canal)"whats a canal for"

to be followed by "why do we have air?" FFS!

How old is your dd, tori?

I don't think I'm denying there are very bright toddlers - there are very bright pple, so they must conme from somewhere. But, I think the term is bollox.

If you are bright, you will be discovered, you will be probably successful, you will be helped and encouraged. But I think the term g & t is much more trouble than its worth. It leads to (and I'm not claiming that this is what is happening here) a scramble to be stamped as such.

And of course the 10% rule in schls is plain madness.

20mths desi

Yes it seems to mean top of the class in government speak which would make me G&T . One of my brothers was called thick at school but keeps getting head hunted by companies and is earning far too much money.

From my experience of growing up I'd say those top X% of pupils at school come with a wide range of personalities and individual weaknesses. The person I knew with the most A-levels was also very popular and in a rock band. I could read before school and wasn't bored by flash cards, I didn't think to tell the teacher I could do it. I went home and read my own books.

It is very different from a child who taught themselves to read independantly at 2, rather than picking out simple words. Or doing equations at 3, that's what I call gifted.

One of my children was early at talking, asking questions, understanding how words are made up. At school he doesn't stand out at all in terms of reading or maths. His teachers still have lots of nice things to say about him because he's an inquisitive soul.

The government seems to have chosen a very crap term!

I do feel some sympathies for RT's point of view BUT since it is after all a thread topic in G & T, I don't feel it's entirely fair to criticise the OP.

What sort of problems does your DS have interacting? Is he school age yet?

A child of 3 doing year 6 maths is genuinely gifted. There is a child in my ds's class who is so obviously talented at gymnastics that nobody could argue with the label for her. But it seems to me that the label is usually applied simply to bright children - and I don't like labelling. I particularly don't like (and nobody on here is doing this) the Oh little Tarquin is so gifted - the school work he's being given just isn't challenging enough attitude of some parents, when little `tarquin is disrupting the class because nobody has ever said sit downa nd shut up to him. And I also thing it's a meaningless label for the very young - my dd was talking clearly and coherently before she was 1, but she couldn't walk until she was 18 months. She was reading very early - but could barely add up until she was 8, and she is now a bright/average 11 year old. Her talking was remarkable - but it meant nothing about her future intelligence or lack of it - it was just a hoop she had learnt to jimp through early.

Okay, a quick post and then I really have to go cook dinner.

FWIW, I know the gifted label is not one that a lot of people like, but that is the name of this topic and it is, for better or worse, what is most commonly used for these children. There are entire books that discuss the meaning and identification of gifted children, so it's difficult to give a quick list or something like that. Ds1 is 4 and we have known for quite a while that he was different. We are in the US and will be moving soon for him to attend a different school - possibly to a nearby state, possibly many states over. so it is certainly not something that we have taken lightly or just assumed on our own. He is already working at levels several years ahead of his age in most subjects but there is, of course, asynchronous development so one cannot say, for instance, that he is eqiuvalent to a 7 or 8 year old on all levels.

I did realize when starting this thread that I would get a few posts such as RT's but I think they smack of ignorance as to what it really means to parent a child with these traits.

Btw, thank you to hunker. I'd love to chat with you some more on this subject sometime.

Yes, apologies I hadn't realised that - you are quite right. As it is in G&T, then it deserves a proper answer and not me drivelling on..........sorry.

{one too many glasses of vino veritas}

"If you are bright, you will be discovered, you will be probably successful, you will be helped and encouraged."

Not always, and not if you've got a teacher with views like RT, perhaps!

dear dear me

I would wait till he is older before lableling him

Well, yes you might be right too HM - I guess my idealised view of education system, based on my own experience. I guess all things being equal, it should be that way.

Actually it is critcal to identify these children early - particularly before age 8.

Okay, I'm really, really off to cook now!

Yes, the term is, indeed, crap.

Tori .. I'll make a prediction. DD doesn't sound too different to my ds at that stage. He didn't speak much at all until 18 months, then came out with full sentences.

To go to the zoo and memorize what she has seen in, at this stage, indicative of a good memory. In other words, that specific part of her brain is heightened, and probably always will be.

She will be extremely good at academia. She will pass any exam she's given to sit.

From 0 to 3 is when the hard-wiring of the brain occurs. These years are hugely important.

So, leave aside the 'academic' stuff for now, because she's proven to be good. Buy her some boys' toys now .. diggers, complicated machinery, hands-on stuff, lego, duplo, Play-doh factories, etc.

And stand back. Let her work out three-dimensional stuff by herself, because it's as much a compliment to intelligence as salt is to pepper.

jabber... my dd is not G&T but does tend towards incessant (and 'deep') questioning. She is 7 now, and I have given up trying to answer everything. I think it's OK for her to know that actually mummy is not omniscient! She has got a children's encyclopaedia and various other reference books (she likes history, so we have a book on 'the history of the world', etc.) and I've also recently got her a dictionary and taught her to use it. So now, when she starts on difficult questions, I admit that I don't have an answer and we look it up (or she does on her own, depending how complex the question is). Google is obviously a good tool for this too, but despite how much time I waste on MN, I have a sneaking preference for 'real' books! (We have found out the answers to questions like 'Why does the Virgin Mary always wear blue?') Not sure if this helps any (possibly your ds is already doing all this) but it's just a thought.

Tori, your dd sounds like a sweetie. My (not G&T but very talkative, with a huge vocabulary and a good reader, etc...) was quite similar at that age. Enjoy her, she sounds fab!

PS If anyone finds the pause button could they let me know.... Or even a 'mute' button! Thanks

Really before the age of 8? How scary!

Whatever did happen to late developers or am I being old fashioned?

Imagine being stuck with such a label at 8!

Ellbell - teach her to google

But I like books! (Also it keeps her off the sodding computer, so I can MN...)

spinspinsugar - I don't think it's something that a health visitor or similar could identify at a developmental check.

"my dd is not G&T but does tend towards incessant (and 'deep') questioning" I think that's it - lots of kids ask questions all the time: gifted exceptionally bright kids ask the right probing questions all the time and won't be fobbed off. But this thread was about other stuff too - sensitivities etc. Again I'm sure any kid might be overly sensitive, but maybe the exceptionally bright are more prone to it and in different ways. In any case, jabber isn't saying other parents don't have these problems: just that she does & is finding it hard. Best wishes Jabber.

Does asking endless obscure and largely unanswerable questions make your DC gifted then? I have considered banning the word 'why' from DS#2's vocabulary. And yes, having children is exhausting - normal or not.

Best book for over sensitivities is the out of synch child (cheapo available on amazon). Easy reading, easy to follow stuff you can do at home, and it really works. 20 mins to half an hour a day. Oversensitive children don't have to live in constant sensory turmoil, they can be taught to deal with it. It's not particularly related to giftedness though, although it can be related to being spectrummy - is in some quarter considered a basic 'cause' of spectrummy conditions- (which in tiurn can be related to a certain type of thinking) so perhaps that's where the link comes in.