Should I get my son assessed by an educational psychologist?

[figandmaple16]

I don't like to sound boastful, or brag about my son. But I am in the process of getting my son tested by an educational psychologist because I am curious to see how 'gifted' he is. But I am wondering if this is just something that every parent thinks their child is and like I am one of those pushy parents. The nursery room supervisor approached me recently, showing me photos of the things he was doing on the blackboard unprompted (some maths equations and writing the alphabet) and told me they would try to do some more activities tailored to him.
The reason I want to get him tested is because I want to help him develop in a more academic way, perhaps changing his nursery to one that will have more of a curriculum, getting private tuition which is age appropriate, finding kids more like him etc.
Right now, all he knows has been taught to him at home. So he is kind of home schooled but in a fun way where really he is the boss and everything we do is just around his interests. I also worry about him getting bored once he reaches school age as the nursery room supervisor said that in her opinion he was on the level of a primary 2 year old (Scotland).
He is nearly 3 and a half and is reading, though not fluently(we haven't really practiced all that much but he can read some kids books all the way through). He is sounding out words and asking constantly how a word is spelled. He is great at maths, he does basic addition and subtraction up to 20. But can do other ways bits beyond that for example adding x number to a whole number. He can recognise and tell me a written number in the thousandths and can write them down if I give him a number. He has a basic understanding of gravity, some body systems, the water cycle and some others. He is always asking 'whats inside x?' so he learns that way. He know very basic chemistry, such as the structure of an atom, some chemical formulas and a few functional groups as well as how the abbreviations on the periodic table work. He can write all the numbers, as Ive mentioned, and can write the alphabet (sometimes doing fancy and bubble letters) and write words though he generally writes in capitals and doesn't get spelling correctly (he writes them how they sound). He also can count in multiples of 2, 5 and 10 and is learning 3. He can count them to any number though he generally never reaches 100 (unless its multiples of 10) because he gets a bit bored demonstrating.
Am I being a pushy parent? As after reading on here, he is clearly not the only child his age in the world that can do this, so in a way am I just clutching at straws? Or am I validated for wanting to challenge him more and look for more suited environment etc? I am kind of just looking for validation in a way, is he gifted or is he just the normal intelligent toddler?

If I read it right, he doesn't like nursery. Not sure I'd increase in those circs.

I too taught dd before she went to school, but it is a case of finding a balance. The play groups were important, as they need to socialise with children their own age. IME all children like to mix with those slightly older. I think it is just an aspirational thing. However, it is important that they learn the skills to mix with their piers. Knowing the structure of an atom did not stop dd joining in playground games. She was learning how to join in. So, if your ds is happy at nursery and playgroup, just see it as building these skills and keep the teaching for home. If he is not, try somewhere else.

Also there is a myth that teaching at home is pointless, because all children level out in the end. Dd started ahead and remained ahead. Not vastly so, but more ahead than if I had not taught her. Education does make a difference to a child's ability. I can really relate to what you said about keeping the learning fun. I enjoyed teaching an dd liked learning. She still does.

Lastly, schools are very mixed with what they offer a child who is ahead. Dd's primary school would not acknowledge she was ahead. We ended up home educating as dd was getting more and more unhappy at not learning. However, others on this board have had a much more positive experience, with schools listening to them and finding solutions. Happily this is what happened at dd's secondary.
Perhaps we would have been better getting her an assessment rather than taking her out of school, so perhaps keep this option open for when you have found out how your ds is doing at school.

@Noteventhebestdrummer haha that is true, however I mean I let him lead the way when it comes to learning what he wants rather than trying to get him to learn something he's not really interested in! I still try him with new things, and he enjoys it but doesn't like to go into such depth if it isn't his thing. He likes to show us and other people what he knows, and remembers, we are huge praisers, and always have been. We have tried to calm it down (I get so excited). Reason being is because we can be a bit over the top with it, we thought that trying or being aware about toning it down a little will help him feel more satisfied within himself about achievements, rather than getting the satisfaction purely from our reaction, as not everyone will react the same way and truly, we are a bit much sometimes .. In a way we just want him to not rely on other peoples approval so much as I can imagine that would be a bit of a fruitless and hard path!

@hipslikecinderella I mean, anytime he is asked, do you want to go to nursery? are you excited to see your friends etc the answer is most usually no, I want to stay home.. Which isn't great, but it could be because he is an only child and we give him all of our attention. Perhaps not the best way but I guess this is something kids grow out of and we don't over do it if were doing chores or working from home, but he does still take the majority of the balance, and we don't actually mind it with exception that we understand that making it all about him all the time won't be good for him in the long run. Anyway, perhaps a bit of a tangent but, my point is, in nursery its a 1:5 ratio of the nursery staff to child, so I can imagine not having full attention probably does play a factor. However, he does have friends there, and he does talk about his friends and we know who are his favourite/closest friends. He is quite popular as when we go in there is a few kids shouting for him like come play with us! come play! or coming to greet him at the door.. So I know he does have fun in some respect but I do feel the atmosphere as a whole is not challenging enough for him though. I have considered everyones comments here and I am very glad I did because now I think the best thing is to keep him there and talk to the manager. I have spoken to his psychologist (part of his team for an unrelated medical condition, and they have her as part of the team though we have never needed it) and also an education psychologist and I think the best course is to keep doing what we are doing, and when he is in school that will be a better scope and comparison to perhaps go on to private tuition for things that he isn't challenged enough in at school.

@JustRichmal "IME all children like to mix with those slightly older. I think it is just an aspirational thing." yes you are probably right and thats a good point! And you are right, socialisation is the one thing we would like to really encourage the most, as his learning for him is intuitive and his curiosity and just personality of wanting to know and learn more keeps him ahead in the other respect. One thing I was worried about is the burn out, or how high intelligence is linked to depression in later life. Which is something we want to of course avoid as much as we can for him, so being able to engage and socialise is also at the top of the list, much like you describe it for your DD. And also, as I have said in previous posts, regardless of what he knows or what he is like, he is still super silly, we have always been clowns, and thats the way he was taught too, he is not a super mature sensible kid, he is very much like any other kid his age in the way he plays..

"Also there is a myth that teaching at home is pointless, because all children level out in the end. " I just do not understand this at all. I mean its personal opinion, if you don't want to teach your kid stuff then thats cool, no judgement here and I don't actually like to teach him stuff to 'get ahead' as I don't see it as any sort of race. But to say that me wanting to teach him or teaching him stuff is pointless just blows my mind. I think much of this society has the idea of a nanny state ingrained, where a lot of people rely on the government for everything, including teaching their kids. Then kids grow up and say "but we never learned about taxes" or how to 'adult'. I mean, we have a wonderful public education system, and are very lucky to do so where we don't have to pay except from out of wages, but to rely on it wholly to teach your kid everything is just a bit silly, there are some things you learn at home and somethings you learn in school. I think a lot of people within this mind set also say that the education system is broken, as if they shove information down childrens necks and get them to regurgitate it on paper. In a way schooling is very much memorisation but, teaching your kid to think about it, and use this information is party a job for the home too, I believe anyway.

DH and I are both teachers. We think DS1 (5) is really high ability but we are just stretching him by widening his understanding of the world. So he is interested in birds at the sea bird reserve near us and we are encouraging his interest- he can identify them, he goes rock-pooling there and sees the seals sunbathing and swimming and has wanted to understand all of that. He has done a project at home on birds- drawings, colourings, put some photos in and written out their names.

He loves drawing and DH is a good artist so can help him with that.
DH's subject is History and he does things just with Ds1 - takes him out on day trips to places like the Roman Wall and fort, or up to Newcastle to the castle keep. We bought him a children's book which is about the history of Newcastle and has a trail of really interesting things with a question to answer on each eg the Vampire Rabbit at the cathedral. So he and DH went and did that one day- he loved that. My subject is English and I do lots of reading with him. FIL and I do gardening with him and he grows sunflower seeds, had a tomato plant last summer and some broad beans. MIL does maths activities with him - just as part of whatever they do (she was a maths teacher).So if he helps her bake, she does maths with him weighing stuff out, times etc.
He likes anything really.
He likes football and goes to football after school one night and goes to a French class at school one night a week that we pay extra for.
But he's a little boy so we let him be a little boy too and don't do anything that pressures that. If he does not like something that is fine.Last Saturday he played on the beach with a football, then had chips and ice cream and watched a DVD lying on the sofa.

He does clever very clever, but I don’t know how much of that is a red herring.

Clearly you spend a lot of time and effort facilitating his learning. Over and above the average parent. Certainly not all children would be able to do scar he can do, however most wouldn’t have the chance to show their true potential in such a way, as it would be deemed unnecessary.

You’re very academically focused and want to encourage him which is fair enough. I’m not sure how ‘advanced’ he would be when he was say 7.

I suppose you could liken it to a private tutor. An average ability child will generally do better and benefit from a PT and come across as highest ability in the class of children that don’t have a PT. The PT helps facilitate their learning so on paper they appear above, but that’s because they have the advantage of the PT.

There a child in my DC class and he’s pretty much top of the class (well there’s about 5 of them out of 30 working at a higher level) but he’s had a PT for years (parents wanted him in a grammar and they paid for PT for years and it worked as he got a place)

No ones knocking that, but I suspect had he not had that input for years and years, he wouldn’t be sitting where he is academically.

There’s another child in the class where the boy is naturally bright, but the parents don’t facilitate it and he is not given the same opportunities. So on paper he won’t look as clever as the first boy but naturally I would say he’s more so.

IQ tests are not advised until child is at least 7 as they aren’t considered reliable until about then. I was advised by a private Ed Psch that she wouldn’t feel comfortable assessing my lo at 7 on an IQ test. She said the results aren’t particularly helpful until the child’s older.

Just keep doing what your doing and I’m sure your lo will go on to do well.

Sound*

At nursery level I really wouldn't bother. There's so much variation in development at that age that a child whois exceptionally gifted at 3/4 can end up mean reverting by the time they're 7/8 by which point you've subconsciously applied way too much pressure. Just make sure he has the materials which interest him now and don't worry too much about anything else.

Any private nursery in Scotland will work to the same Curriculum for Excellence as a state nursery does.

He sounds very clever. You sound 'pushy' in a good fun way but why not if he enjoys it and takes in what you are teaching him. I wouldn't bother having him assessed either. I don't seen what it would achieve.

My only advise would be to try and calm down a bit and let him not be the focus of your attention. You sound like a wonderful Mum but maybe a little intense. 😊. You don't want him growing up thinking that being 'clever' means so much to you and that 'being clever' is what he is. I'd quietly still be pushing him but I'd be subtle about it.

I think it's good to ignore kids some of the time.

Learning to occupy yourself and be happy in yourself if important. You don't want to be relying on your Mum doing jazz hands to everything you do for your happyness. You won't do him any favours making everything about him.

I think it's amazing how some little kids love to learn.

Sorry for crappy English

Hi, have you joined "parenting high potential" on Facebook? I would ask the same question there and I'm sure you'll get some positive responses :)

As with mine - I have a 9 year old who we got tested recently and was categorised as highly gifted. For us we're glad we did what we did, as now we know that he is gifted, rather than asd or adhd, as some of his teachers have previously suggested. He's had traits for both so he went for assessments but came back negative. Now we know that these traits and giftedness are extremely similar but back then we had no idea. Had we known, we might have tested him for giftedness when he was say 5, but not younger, as results may not be accurate.

I would also add, that being gifted doesn't necessarily mean they will do well academically. IQ and academic achievement scores are two different things, as well as processing speed and audio/visual memories.

With the results and recommendations that we received from the assessor, we know exactly what to do and how to approach our son. He's also had some behavioural issues which is diminishing as he is appropriately challenged at home.

You have many many years ahead with your little son (as do we!) - all the things that he can already do are great, I would support him so that when time comes he will be able to find his own way to explore his curiosities. And reading is a great way to do this. The fact that your son can already read is a great start point.

Wishing you all the best!

Ps the group I recommended has tons of parents with gifted children

I fondly recall a car trip, when I was explaining atomic theory to my then 11 year old, suddenly hearing loud shushing from my 4 year old to his babbling baby sister, 'Be quiet! I'm trying to hear Mummy explain about atoms.' Since then, my son has always loved and excelled at maths & science, but he also excels at sports and is good natured, so he is very popular.

WRT the question of testing posed by OP, all three of my kids have been assessed. The girls were evaluated at age three to start school a year early. Our son, who is academically the strongest, wasn't socially ready for early school entry, so he was tested at 4, purely so that he wouldn't later think he had been neglected. We've never used his results for any form of advocacy because his school performances have provided adequate evidence of his abilities.

OP, I totally encourage the notion of parents imparting knowledge if kids are interested. If you're a smart person who knows a lot about how things work and you've got bright, inquisitive child(ren), own it, do it and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Our super cool teenagers quite openly appreciate the fact that they can intelligently converse with their parents on a wide range of topics. Our eldest wasn't quite so appreciative in her teens but now that she has chosen the same profession, she is quite keen on 'shop talk' with us.

Hi OP. Hope you don’t mind me adding my voice to the posters above, but I would urge you not to discount ASD. Your post could have been written word for word about my son at that age. Look up hypernumeracy rather than hyperlexia though (my son was pointing out numbers from 12 months, but we taught him to read.) Social skills are tricky to judge aged three, but now at nearly five the difference between him and his peers is becoming clearer, and according to parents on the hyperlexia group I’m part of on FB, it becomes even clearer at 7ish.
He also used to say didn’t want to go to nursery (but ‘seemed fine’ when he got there- including being ‘popular’ etc.) I also thought it might be because he was bored, but now I believe it’s a mixture of issues with transitioning (something I never spotted as an issue before now, even though I was looking out for it; it was quite subtle) and sensory overwhelm from having so many kids in a room together. He has sensitive hearing and an amazing memory, so any negative association however tiny, endures. We are grateful for the lockdown as it’s giving us a chance to regroup and not having to go in to nursery has been helpful. None of these issues were particularly obvious at your son’s age. The reason I wanted to mention it is that waiting lists for ASD assessments (private or NHS) are long...
I’m increasingly convinced my son is on the spectrum somewhere- probably 2e (twice exceptional- gifted and autistic.) We had his IQ assessed just as he was turning three, but I don’t believe his result (172 with the Stanford Binet) will remain stable over time. IQ results for very young kids are notoriously unstable. What I do believe is that social skills should be the focus for kids like ours at this age. The fact that he had no language delay, was and is very affectionate, and has a great sense of humour all meant that it took longer for me to spot that he was also autistic (mostly because of unhelpful stereotypes about autistic people, but that’s another story.) Anyway just wanted to come on and point you towards hypernumeracy if you hasn’t already found it.