Able YR1 pupil

[user1467408645]

My son is very able (not crazily so but working about a year ahead of his peers). He has always found school easy and I've been fine with him not being stretched as he needed to work on his social skills which he is now much better with. However I am starting to worry that he will not learn how to fail. I see this as a really important skill and don't want him coasting and then really struggling (giving up) when he finds something he is challenged by.

How would you address this with his teacher without being 'that' parent?

Do something like music or sport which he might have to work at and can see progress when he practices? Praising effort rather than results?

Yes agree with namenic. Dd is 6 and is coasting school, she either knows the answers or will "get" things instantly even if new topic. Never practises spellings for her spelling tests but gets full marks as she has photographic memory. English is actually her second language but top of the class in both reading and writing (in fact teacher thinks she's well above her age group). So I know what you mean, I don't want her to think life is that easy, want her to learn to try hard and learn to corporate with others.

So she's recently started learning an instrument, goes to Beavers, plays a sport, attends Saturday school for her first language, goes to swimming lessons, and reads before bedtime.

That's probably more than enough to keep her interest going, and she is challenged in the ways that she's not at school.

You're right - it is a really important skill to learn. However, I'm not sure the teacher can address it.

My son was very like this - we did all sorts of things to help him see there were many things you had to work at and also that 'failing' was no bad thing. Learning a musical instrument is really good for this because however 'good' you are, improvement only happens afetr a lot of hard work. I used to model 'failing' at things e.g having a cooking failure and laughing it off, falling off my bike etc. It took years and some maturity but ds has got it now (age 17!) which is just as well as University is approaching. (BTW , not saying it will take years, just that ds had a very bad case of it and used to melt down if he didn't get 100% in something)

I signed my DD up to do a sports club. She loved the sport but there were always older children who were bigger and stronger than she was. If she wanted to win, she had to put a lot of hard work in.

She also began music lessons with a small group of other children. There was the challenge of learning to play the instrument itself, the need to learn how to read music, and the realisation that she had to practise if she wanted to play well.

DS, now Y5, is like that - he 'knows' he is good at stuff e.g maths so if something is not immediately obvious to him, it is immediately 'too hard' and rather than putting his mind to it, he gives up without trying.

We think this has developed from years of never having any challenge in maths at school. Funnily enough his teacher now is telling us we need to help him develop a different 'mindset' ...

Children do need to make this experience that something that once seemed impossibly hard, becomes accessible through application and hard work. If school does not give them that (or only occasionally, which is the best you can hope for IME) then you have to provide it yourself. As PPs mentioned, musical instruments are good for that; in DS' case also chess is working well.

Agree with the PPs who have suggested a musical instrument or other 'academic' study that doesn't directly step on school's toes (such as a foreign language or coding).

Have you had a parents' evening yet this year? If there's one coming up, ask the teacher what your DS finds hard. If the teacher says 'nothing', it's an ideal opening to a conversation about how to challenge your DS and ensure he's developing perseverance skills.

You could also encourage your DS to finish his work quickly (and accurately) and then ask for more/harder work. Make him be a 'problem' for the teacher (albeit a polite and positive one). If the teacher sets him more challenging work, you don't need to have a word, but if he gets 'fobbed off' with reading his book or getting additional work that is not harder, you will have 'evidence' to support you when you do have a word.