House or Prep School

[Toomanyspoons]

My husband and I have recently inherited a large sum of money from an unexpected source (a great aunt). We have two DC (5 & 2). The obvious thing we thought was to add it to the house fund (we were planning to move this year anyway) but we did also wonder whether we should use it to pay for private (prep only) school? The amount wouldn’t cover senior school fees and there is a grammar and super comprehensive near us anyway. Our son is a gifted reader (learnt at 2 and a half / started school already reading complex chapter books/classics etc) and our daughter seems to be following in his footsteps. He started Reception really well last month and his state primary have been great with him and given him lots of stretching stuff/made him a free reader etc but we suspect he’ll get less attention as tests loom and others rightly need more help. I suspect he’ll manage the grammar school entrance exam (I teach (state primary) and he’s already fine with the bond series books for 7/8 yr olds) but do people think the Prep might stretch him further in other areas - languages etc - and give him more attention than state school. The prep has “specialist” teachers (I appreciate this may be an exaggeration and classes might not be taught by teachers from that specific subject background) from yr 2 in all lessons. My wife and I are both state educated and did really well (Cambridge and Yale) so would we be paying for nothing or would it give our children more breadth and depth? We sort of hope there might be more like minded children/parents at the Prep. We are a nerdy pair and are very happy for our two children to be the same. If your child is really bright - did you feel they were fine at state primary or did it go a bit “flat”?

What a lovely problem to have!

As the state primary is currently meeting your son’s needs, I’d be inclined to keep him where he is, and use the money to enhance his (and his younger sibling’s) life experiences in other ways such as extra-curricular activities, special/educational holidays, university fund, house deposit.

I don’t have any experience of the private sector, but judging from many posts on Mumsnet, there’s no guarantee that even a good private prep school will get the balance right for your bright children. It’d be a shame to ‘waste’ the money now, when it might make a greater difference to their later lives.

In terms of supporting your children in primary, as you’re a primary school teacher you’ll know what the current school is doing well, and what questions to ask. You’ll also be able to enrich his education at home, to prepare him for the 11+.

My DD is state educated but outside school time she learns a foreign language and a musical instrument, as well as having speech/drama training. There are plenty of other ways to enhance your children’s education.

I should add that I don’t believe I’m anti-private education. I just think that, if I were in your shoes, I’d save it for later. Good luck with your decision!

I home ed but if my DS wanted to go to school, I would go to state, especially for primary (mainly due to cost). I’d try to stretch him after school either myself or to do some classes that he liked. My mum did some cool scrap books with me on topics like ‘artists’ or ‘space’ with cut out or drawn pictures and summaries of important info researched from a few books.

My mum tutored me (she was sahm) and I managed to get a scholarship to a private school. My brothers went to a good prep school and generally teachers were good but there were a couple who couldn’t control the class and were not effective. It also depends on how much time both of you have.

I’d definitely choose the house if you can’t afford to send both children to private for their full school life.

Before you make decisions about your children's education, you might like to work out if it's a husband you have, or a wife.

@fromage I just noticed that too!

Ha ha! No no confusion - just written jointly - I wrote first bit and husband read through and added rest. I like the idea of interesting holidays for them and extra curricular stuff (house deposits and uni fees sorted/planned for) and that is the puzzle. This is a more exciting prospect and could “lift” a normal school life but I just wonder whether there might be some dazzling teacher in the prep school who could lift them as well. Yes I hear you about the all the way through privately or not at all point as I know of two prep school sisters who really suffered at a local comp when they displayed their keenness and fantastic behaviour (developed at prep). I think I’ll go again and really suss out the teachers and whether they might be electrifying enough to be worth paying for. Oh for a Hogwarts. Thanks again.

but I just wonder whether there might be some dazzling teacher in the prep school who could lift them as well.

There might be, but there might be a dazzling teacher in the state school also. If your state primary is good, and your dc are happy I wouldn’t move them. We moved our DC out of the state system because one was very unhappy and the other was in a class of disruptive children. TBH I think we were unlucky with our state school. In the private system they have a nice time, nice facilities, play a lot of sport and the parents are mostly like minded. The amount of input required from me ie homework etc is more in the private school, and their teachers certainly haven’t been any better than the state school, and if you were comparing them like for like (ie smaller class sizes and almost universally invested parents) I think the state teachers would be better.
I think one you’ve moved a child to the private system moving back to state would be hard. So if you can’t pay all the way through I’d save it til secondary.

Yes indeed - it’s not the merits of individual teachers that I really mean - rather I know I’d be a better teacher if I were freed up to just teach rather than teach and do paperwork/prep for ofsted etc and there might be a freer teacher in a prep school (not that prep school teachers are better in general).

Prep schools are mainly there to prepare for entry to private senior schools, and they get judged by their senior destinations and amount of scholarships to prestigious senior schools won. The effort a school puts in is thus tailored not to the pupil's need/ability but to the needs/prestige of the pupil's prospective destination. Teaching for scholarship candidates to Eton or Winchester looks different from the teaching a leaver at 11 for state comp would receive. The best preps have a tailor-made approach from year 5 onwards, with special scholarship classes and even 1 to 1 tuition, and the quality/challange/stretch/breath of the education is very much determined by the demands of the senior school entrance exam. There are reasons to choose a prep on it's own merit, but up to year 5 that's not necessarily because of academics. It's more about the sport/music/drama/pastoral care that adds value at this stage. I personally think the latter is very important and would therefore always choose prep over private senior.

Can you keep the money for private secondary? I think you’d be wiser to pay for private secondary than private. My friends daughter is in a prep school but she can’t afford to pay for private senior. I don’t see the point personally as that’s surely the whole point of prep, to prep for private secondary. I think it’s a bit of a waste to pay for private when the children are so young.

So depressing to see (alleged) teachers in the State sector wanting their own DC to go private.

Out of interest given you think you'd be a better teacher in a prep school why not work there?

I guess depending on your work life balance an option could be to use the money for one of you to reduce working hours and have more time with the kids, to stretch/play with them. I'd prioritise work/life balance over most things I reckon.

Many thanks for all the comments - indeed MsP it is depressing - the endless measuring/gathering of evidence/meetings to discuss the same and how best to present it to Ofsted are tedious, depressing and clearly detract from the academic, pastoral and extra curricular opportunities I can offer my class. I don’t want to teach private, I want to teach in a state sector that isn’t beholden to an expensive, priority shifting inspectorate that largely rewards middle class area schools and unfairly chastises schools in poorer, more challenging areas.

As it turns out we had parents evening and my husband and I were blown away by what they had done with our son - especially his writing and kindly giving him complete freedom in his reading choices. Class teacher told us he was the brightest child she’d ever met (in 25 yrs of teaching) - so basically we are going to stick with state primary/work for 11+ at home and spend the money on the house. Thanks again to everyone.