A little help please

[hoppityhophophop]

Hi all,

I am completely new to this. My eldest child is three in March and has recently begun attending a preschool a few days a week. It's attached to a primary school and a few times a week they take the children who are starting proper school on the next term or two over to the Year 1 class and let them join in with phonics and maths.

The manager/teacher has pulled me aside and asked if I would object to them taking my child for these lessons too. They feel that she is gifted/advanced etc and that she'd benefit from it.

Now I've put her into the preschool because I'm a SAHM and I thought it was really important to develop her social side as I can't do that myself at home. I have never actively 'taught' her at home like lessons or anything just your usual shapes, colours, 123s etc. We read loads and do a lot of free play. Also watch a fair bit of Peppa

She is bright but I didn't think what she could do was anything really unusual. Is it?

Counts to 20

Huge vocabulary and speaks like a much older child, constructs independent sentences in context (although couldn't speak a word until 2)

Knows all colours, shapes, full alphabet

Can draw about 10 recognisable letters

Draws faces, with circular faces, a nose, eyes, ears, mouth and hair in correct places
Can spell basic words like her name, 'park' 'tree'out loud and recognises lots of other words and can point them out

Adds things up in her head. So this morning when I got the shopping unloaded and I put three tins of beans on the side she pointed at them and said 'three orange tins Mummy!'

She sorts. Mostly toys into colours, size order etc.

Should I be concentrating on building her social skills at this age? I don't want to hold her back if they think she can progress but she's not even three. Surely it's more important to teach her to mix well with other kids, especially given that she's doing well on the other stuff already?

Many thanks for your thoughts.

Oh yes the other thing the preschool thought was quite unusual (that I hadn't realised was) is that she does 35-40 piece jigsaws. She just likes them.

I don’t know it all much either OP but my daughter does everything what yours does. She even counts up to 50. I personally don’t think mine is gifted (checked with guys here too ;)) but yes certainly bright. I too am focusing on her social skills along with other stuffs that she is learning as part of having fun! Sorry for perhaps not much adding but perhaps others more experienced can guide you through. Good luck xx

Ps: mine is almost 2.5 years old now but has been doing these since age 2 :)

Thanks @Ellie2015. It's hard isn't it! As I say she's my eldest so I'm new to all this and being honest I didn't (and still don't really) think she's doing anything massively out of the ordinary.

I'm leaning towards saying I want her to stay with the other little ones at the moment. She's got the next 18 years to be formally educated, it just seems a bit early for phonics and maths yet.

As I say I do encourage her, she's a really keen reader (not actually reading, me reading to her) but I worry that actively trying to teach her could be a bit off putting. She already chats away like a miniature adult, I think I'd rather her concentrate on playing, having fun and socialising with other children at the moment. As I'm a sahm she hadn't missed with other children loads (other than a few stay and play groups etc) so she can be a little shy in groups at the moment.

My ds was academically very advanced at that age, and my ds's nursery manager became his key worker and did 1-1 work with him, by getting books from attached school and do some work books with him.

Also she suggested us to let him attend 6 hours a day/5 days a week, so he can improve his social side too.
I doubt that if he was put in with 5/6 years old as a 3 year old, it did any good for him, even though he was capable to do the work.

Do they take them into the Year 1 class or into Reception? Year 1s are going to be aged 5 to 6, doing proper lessons. I can't see how a 3 year old is going to be able to interact with 5 to 6 year olds and be confident and socially fit in. It seems like a bad idea to me.

Surely as early years teachers they can provide her with appropriate activities with her peer group?

Sorry, it'd be reception. First years, the children who started in September.

Should also add she's only there 15 hours a week. Two full days and a morning.

I think you sound like a great mother and your instinct to build her social side is bang on. The rest will come naturally and you shouldn’t fret about it.

I agree with Working. If you are aware that sometimes academically advanced children may have social difficulty and keep an eye on it, it should be fine. Not all those children have the problem anyway, but even better if parents are aware and do something if it was a case from early on.

I don't think it's a bad thing that school wants to send her into reception to learn phonics early. Once she learns to read herself, it will be such a great advantage, she can learn anything she wants. But I would just keep an eye if she is actually enjoying doing it.

If your own instinct is that she would benefit from staying where she is, then I think you should trust your instinct. There is no way on earth that a 3yo will be disadvantaged later in life for having had to wait until age 4 to learn phonics. She is already learning maths from adding up your shopping, and in fact she is learning all sort of pre-literacy skills just by talking to you and playing with her friends.

I would thank them kindly for the offer but say on balance I think she is fine where she is.

Thanks all. I've had a chat with them this morning and said I'd rather she stayed put for now, but that we can review again in September.

I'll continue to encourage her at home but just through play. She's been teaching her baby sister (who is only 5m, so not really!) colours with play doh 'cupcakes' over the weekend so it seems she wants to spread the learning about I've always said if I can give her my love of reading then I'll be pleased and she does love books so we seem to be on the right track.

I think the difference is you don't need to encourage anything if the child is truly gifted. They will learn to read with or without phonics. Just that it makes it easier for them to learn rules of something. That's all.

I think irvineoneohone is spot on and you sound as if you know exactly what your dd needs. I was also pulled aside when ds was at nursery because they discovered ds had taught himself to read and to do things like count in 2's and 5's amongst other things. Great excitement all round but he started Reception as usual at the right time and apart from one subject at secondary, and some specialised input at primary, stayed with his peers throughout school. He needed some help socially at primary and staying with his peers group helped.

Your DD sounds really very advanced. Honestly, keep her where she is as you will run into problems. My DC was in a similar situation where they went to Year1 for Maths and Phonics...but their rate of learning was so quick that they outgrew that class academically...and then what happens. Teachers forget that the speed with which advanced kids learn is so much quicker than the norm. By Y2, my DC was going to Y6...and then what? We changed school then.

So, for pre-school/reception I would stay with the rest of the class, play is so important at this age and they wont want to miss playing with their friends. A motivated child will learn where ever and teach themselves if they want to.
Believe me, you will run into huge issues along the line by advancing now.