DS6 Lonely

[LemonFritz]

My DS6 is the eldest in year 1. I don’t know that he is “gifted and talented” but he recieved exceeding for every outcome in his reception report along with a comment suggesting he had high learning potential.

He is at an ofsted outstanding, state, two-form entry primary. He is in what is well renowned as an “awful” year - terrible behaviour, poor attainment. He is very well behaved at school (far from perfect at home!) and doesn’t appear particularly quirky. DS is heavily into Harry Potter which seems a mainstream interest.

We have play dates that seem to go very well, DS is well-liked. However, he has said he doesn’t truly enjoy playing with his school friends. He assured me that he has never said this to them and we have discussed that these are not kind words. He prefers the company of our neighbour who is in year 3, 8 years old.

He plays with his school friends at school but feels lonely and like he doesn’t have any “real” friends. How do I help support DS to form meaningful relationships with children from his year?

I appreciate from this post I may have made DS not sound very nice or kind, but he really is a well liked and kind member of his class - I’m sure the teachers and pupils would be surprised to hear how sad he is at home.

He sounds lovely and it just sounds to me like be will connect more naturally to older children and adults- I think this is ok apart from the fact he is feeling lonely.

Have you had a word with the teacher? I would be tempted to tell her he is feeling lonely and to ask if anything she is able to do to avoid the situations he feels he might not be a part of things.

For example a boy in ds’ class was feeling left out as all the boys played football every single break and he didn’t like football so they were able to help it by introducing other activities

Ps is he at a mixed school? My DS is so similar to how your DS sounds and the real help to him has been having girls as he fits in with them happily whereas the boys exclude him and aren’t always kind. He has also been put next to the kindest boy who stands up for him bless him and I am so grateful to that! As the teacher wasn’t aware of boys saying nasty things to him and it’s hard to watch everything

I think it's kind of common feature of a child who are slightly ahead of others to like older children.
But what I realised is that it's really nothing to do with the child being ahead, but more to do with his/her own immaturity. They are all learning to compromise, follow other people's lead, basically trying to get along with each other. But the child who are more advanced would get frustrated.

My ds was very popular and well liked, told by his teachers and friends all the time. But felt lonely that no one really understood him in ks1. Everything changed in ks2, when the children and himself have matured and started to show more difference, and found friend who had similar interest

Thanks all - fingers crossed for KS2 then!

It is a mixed school but most of the children only play within their genders. I have arranged a play date with one of the girls in his class, hopefully together they can break the mould.

Same for my ds, they were more divided into boys and girls in ks1 to play at school.
It did change in yr3 though. They formed a group with both boys and girls. There are still children who only plays with same gender, but there are definitely children who are happy to be with children who they get on, regardless of gender, as they get older, ime.

Had a very successful play date with a girl from his class today. Thanks all