Very angry 6 year old.

[Nellsbells11]

My six year old son is kicking off big style about school. He’s very able, can read pretty much anything at any level and is particularly able in Maths. School say they can’t challenge him enough in Maths. His teacher says he’s the brightest 6 year old he’s ever taught. The issue now is that he’s refusing to go to school, this started off about a year ago by him just sitting down and refusing to move. At 5 I could pick him up and carry him in if all else failed but he’s getting too big now. His behaviour has escalated to him kicking the out of everything on the way to school, ( ie my car, front door, other people’s walls, bus stops !) He has always been very strong willed but is fine at home otherwise, often quite a sweet and sensitive little boy. His problem is with school. He says he hates the school work, especially maths. Im worries about his behaviour and also worried that he’s having such a negative experience of school at such a young age. It’s going to be important to sort this behaviour before he get bigger and less manageable. What can I do ? Does anyone have any similar experiences. Also has anyone used a tutor to offer a bit more challenge and where do I go to find one. Thanks for your help.

Sorry for all the typos! I’m on my phone and can’t work out how to edit.

Well, for a start, I would be taking seriously to the school. If they really said that they can't challenge him at Maths at 6 years old there is something badly wrong there unless he is genius level. How does he get on with other children?

Are you talking KS3 and above standard maths? If so? It really will be hard for a primary to challenge him. If below that, they should easily be able to cater.
It sounds like a good sit down with the school and your ds is needed to try and work something out.
Obviously I don't know your ds or any background - but could there be an underlying reason for the behaviour? I know you said he's not a problem at home but it's really unusual for this behaviour only to be at school. How does he relate to other children? Does he have any siblings at home?

Yes, he’s got a younger and an older sister. He’s very sociable, has a good group of friends at school, relates quite well to other children. Is very aware of his sister’s and friend’s needs, will do things for them, look after them etc. I’ve asked him about bullying and it really doesn’t seem to be anything to do with his peers. He gets on well with both siblings. He likes to please generally and responds to praise but just seems to be losing it every morning in the way into school. School are saying they can’t exceed the curriculum for that year and that this is a national thing. My sister is a Head Teacher and says that from what she’s seen he is exceptionally able in maths. Abilitywise He is Head and shoulders over his year three sister, who is top group maths. There are gaps in his knowledge though as he’s not been taught. What he knows already is what he’s worked out himself.

If not exceeding the curriculum for the year is a national thing then my kids school must have been very daring when my daughter was taken from reception into the year 2 class for literacy.

Utter tosh of course they can find appropriate work for him.

It’s completely normal for schools to offer extension groups or even have a child join another class for a particular lesson. Talk to them again. I’d also look at stretching him sideways - language, music etc.

That said, the behaviour issues do need to be addressed. Sounds quite extreme for just boredom? Are there underlying issues at play?

They’ve said that they can’t teach beyond the curriculum for each year group. This is following the introduction of the new curriculum and the focus on mastery rather than acceleration. My sister ( the headteacher) has also clarified that this is the case. His teacher has said that he sets individual work for him as he’s beyond the top set for the year group but that it’s very difficult to challenge him within the constraints of the curriculum. He’s not able to teach numbers beyond 100. I know there’s an no end of challenging maths can be taught within that but this is a child who was reliably identifying numbers in the 1000’s at the age of 3 and adding and subtracting 2 and 3 digit numbers from 1000’s in pre-school. I’ve looked at it from every angle I can and there’s no other reason why he would be refusing school, from what I can see. He is very clear that he hates the work and that he hates maths inparticular. My concern is that this is his strongest area and the one that he has always been drawn to. He shouldn’t hate it.

What does the school say about his behaviour? Remember maths is only part of the school day.

Have you had a chat with him? In a gentle way to get him to talk about what's up?

What does your sister suggest?

I would consider getting a private tutor, even if its just to have some fun with maths. Then maybe just have a chat with him about how school makes you jump through certain hoops and they have to put their ticks in their boxes. Maybe you could also have a word with his teacher that once he has jumped through their particular hoops, which I imagine he's doing quite quickly, can he sit and do his tutor work quietly?

Maths tutors are fairly easy to find as plenty of people want them, try google your local area or maybe ask around for recommendations.

"He’s not able to teach numbers beyond 100" - but that is not what the curriculum says (indeed the KS1 curriculum says a full understanding of place value and at least 100)

However for all that it sounds like the school is not teaching maths well, and it doesn't but bigger numbers are not actually harder, so I'm not sure your expectations of what mastery looks like is necessarily right either. Anger at attending school due to frustation and boredom about 30 minutes a day is very strange - the maths and english work in KS1 is very easy for lots of kids, because so much of it is about fluency not understanding so there's so much repetition. Most don't get angry, even if bored, and whilst more challenging work might help, and there's no reason not to get a tutor.

I would just be surprised if tutor is the solution. You seem to be very supportive that the idea is that the school work is beneath him, do you always talk that it's the teachers job to solve that problem, rather than building ways he can make the work more interesting and challenging. That is a skill he's going to need to learn - independent study and motivation - but it's one that young kids don't realise and aren't encouraged to follow.

I think maths mastery program in ks1 is not too bad, especially with greater depth, which able children are aiming for. It will give children solid foundation on not just calculating but thinking mathematically. Some of the thing they expect child to be able to do is quite challenging, even for able children.

I think kids who are exceptionally good at maths just are not well served by the system in the UK.

Plenty of advise on school refusal on this facebook page.

www.facebook.com/groups/schoolphobiarefusal/?fref=nf

A friend has also bought her daughter a maths workbook. If he finishes early could he continue with this inn class.

Is it possibly that he uses the 'I'm bored in maths' excuse to cover for something else.
They must be doing a Hell of a lot of maths since my day for it to be such an issue. Usually meeting with pals compensates for tedious school work surely.
Are there any other schools in the area, if you go on your won to visit and discuss your son's ability with them you might find some happy to take him. Then he can visit them to see if he would happily move.Also having a relative as head of school can make discussing and dealing with it harder.

In my experience children often (not always) use "bored" when they can't or don't want to express other feelings.

Well stop sending him immediately. Look for a proper prep school if you can afford it. Ask about bursaries, for such a clever child they are likely to offer one. Otherwise consider homeschooling or try to find a better state school.

I can see it's really frustrating for your ds, but like pp said, unless you can home school him or send him to selective academic school, it will stay with him for years. My ds figured out how to entertain himself from quite early on. Try to make him think out side of box. Encourage him to make simple task interesting one using his knowledge. And give him access to higher work at home. Best results are that school would stretch him accordingly, but if not, there are other ways, and school is not just for academic stuff.

Since your DS is a competent reader, one realistic option that doesn’t encroach significantly on the teacher’s time is for him to explore maths in the classroom independently using a higher-level textbook/workbook or using an on-line maths platform plus headphones.

I know it’s not an ideal solution but it can work. My DP happily worked ahead on his own from a maths book when he was in primary school.

I'm with Bert. I'd be surprised if being bored for one lesson each day was genuineness the cause of such extreme behaviour. I think you've got two separate issues here. The first is the behaviour and the school refusal and the second is the ability of the school to provide for your ds' needs in class.

There were two recent threads which covered many of the issues raised here. rather than repeating in full what was said there, here they are:
gifted and behaviour issues
gifted maths provision

Whether a very bright child responds to inappropriate educational provision by becoming disengaged and daydreaming or becoming hostile or aggressive depends on the temperament of the child and their individual circumstances. I disagree completely with the posters above who have implied that the behaviour can be separated from the ability and the inappropriate provision for that ability. I put some links to case studies and research on the first thread above.
You should consider the possibility that his behaviour is an entirely normal response to a school environment which is completely failing to meet his needs.

Re: maths provision : " They’ve said that they can’t teach beyond the curriculum for each year group. This is following the introduction of the new curriculum and the focus on mastery rather than acceleration. My sister ( the headteacher) has also clarified that this is the case "
There's your problem, right there. "They" and your sister are both dead wrong. What the new curriculum aims actually state is that "The expectation is that the majority of pupils will move through the programmes of study at broadly the same pace. However, decisions about when to progress should always be based on the security of pupils’ understanding and their readiness to progress to the next stage. Pupils who grasp concepts rapidly should be challenged through being offered rich and sophisticated problems before any acceleration through new content."

So, how could teachers have arrived at such a gross misinterpretation that they are "not allowed" to make appropriate provision for the most able students?
Probably because several national organisations [NCETM, ACME, UKMT] who should be providing appropriate guidance are instead disseminating lies and propaganda. The progressive subversion and distortion of government guidance in pursuit of dogmatic opposition to acceleration is documented here.

The author of this article on the many problems with how "mastery" is being interpreted and implemented in UK schools notes that "The national curriculum suggests that the majority of pupils will progress at the same speed (or at least on the topics). This is in line with a mastery model, but the 'majority' just means any number over 50%. Sadly, national bodies have promoted an inaccurate interpretation of the word 'majority' to mean 'all'. This has left many schools very confused about how to implement mastery - I hear from teachers all the time that they are afraid to stretch kids because a consultant has told them that they are not allowed to. This is complete nonsense, of course, but teachers are being told downright lies."

Just to add to Gfrnn excellent post

Gifted and Asynchronous Development

1. It is vital to get the child assessed properly by an Ed Psy so that you can see the extend of the differences between age expected attainment and actual ability/ potential. This process should also identify any weaknesses.
2. Asynchronous development explains how social, emotional and intellectual differences for gifted children can give raise to many problems. The wider the gap, the more challenging these problems can be. Whilst addressing an educational need, it is also vital to address any social or emotional needs too.
3. Some children in the highly or profoundly gifted range are as far from the ‘normal’ range as a child with moderate or profound learning difficulties. Here is a quick explanation from Dr Dan Peters presentation m.youtube.com/watch?v=IYWvt-gCyUA&app=m&persist_app=1
4. In the U.K., If profoundly or moderately learning disabled children were given ‘normal age’ National curriculum (NC). work without significant differentiation there would be an outcry - yet the special needs of highly /profoundly gifted in mainstream (especially primary) schools are generally ignored or a token approach of just giving an additional worksheet, etc is followed.
5. Peters and many others in the gifted field advises that some gifted, even without any additional SEN, children can display significant problems if they are in the wrong educational environment.

Twice Exceptional

1. Some children who are gifted, also may have a learning or neurological difference and these are often incredibly hard to unravel. Often their disability masks their learning potential and, more often, especially when younger, their giftedness masks their disability. Hence why these children often present with difficulties later on than other children with SEN issues.
2. Dr Dan Peters. presentation highlights some of the problems and makes the case that equal importance must be given to interventions to address the giftedness and the disability.
3. Children who have even mild ADHD/ADD or ASD often have impaired executive functioning that can give raise to poor impulse control, etc. Add giftedness to the mix and the levels of frustration can escalate exponentially. Therefore, these children must have both aspects addressed for them to progress adequately.
4. Anxiety: This can be quite common in gifted and twice exceptional children. This can result in flight or flight responses or in shutdowns and oppositional type behaviour, eg refusing to engage. Often these children have terrible fear of failure and perfectionist tendencies. This is especially relevant when children have found school work or other learning easy and have thrived on a diet of being told how smart or good they are. Unfortunately, they have not been ever really challenged, so have not developed the art of grit and perseverance at a much earlier age. So, when the school work or any activities start getting more challenging, or even too easy or when there is little scope for them to do the work differently, they can also shut down and appear oppositional. Doing work on changing mindsets] m.youtube.com/watch?v=d4uKCZTmyy4 is often very helpful with 2e children. Sometimes though professional help in terms of talking therapies/CBT are also necessary to reduce the anxiety quickly. Dealing with anxiety early usually means a more positive longer term outlook. Of course in a perfect world they would be in an environment that alllows for a different educational approach within each class setting. Unfortunately, this is not normally found in most U.K. primary schools!
5. There is a new book out written by a teacher/ parent of a twice exceptional child]. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B078PXTKZ5/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o00_?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8. It’s American, but it does give some helpful tips for the school and the homeschool 2e parent.
6. Explosive Children: Ross Greene has done some excellent work on dealing with explosive and frustrated children www.amazon.co.uk/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically-ebook/dp/B00GLS4XT4/ref=pd_sim_351_1?psc=1&pf_rd_t=40701&pd_rd_i=B00GLS4XT4&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_p=3274180622111699416&_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_wg=Vo7DL&pf_rd_r=4PRTY5DQKF1XHT86BG3R&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pd_rd_w=6OBnM&tag=mumsnetforum-21&pf_rd_i=desktop-dpsims&refRID=4PRTY5DQKF1XHT86BG3R&pd_rd_r=65db6341-55dd-11e8-9fd5-715378ab1f2aHis explanations regarding lagging problems in his original book is very helpful. He has followed up his first book with one addressing problems and solutions in school settings www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00BORMMHC/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o02_?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8 and it is easy to see how the wrong approach by school staff can result is explosive outbursts from children and that the focus should be on what is causing the behaviour - not the outcome of the behaviour.
7. Getting an early diagnosis for any underlying SEN is important as these children are often perceived as just naughty children in a school setting, as they do not present as a typical SEN child and subsequent sanctions tend to increase anxiety which in turn can create more adverse behaviour. However, unless they have an exceptional teacher and smaller class, it is very likely that they may need 1:1 in the classroom, at least for early to mid primary especially if they are demonstrating anxiety related behaviour such as meltdowns leading to flight or fight responses or they are struggling with group work where their intelligence and desire to do the task differently may be simply years ahead of the other children in the group.

How is the school at working on emotional health & resilience?
I’m a fairly new teacher, but have spent four months working with an exceptionally bright yet very angry 5 year old.

Sometimes I find that the brightest academic children very much struggle with anything creative. They are so used to succeeding at maths, English, science that when they are faced with anything that doesn’t rely on perhaps academic ability but talent (painting, craft etc), I see lots of tears of frustration at it not coming easily to them. How is he doing in other subjects? Does he tell you he enjoys them?

Is it a wider issue like the transition from EYFS to ks1? The lack of control about being able to choose free flowing play that’s made him feel like he’s losing control?

How is he at telling you his feelings/worries? Or does it just escalate to a point where he’s blowing up? There’s a great support service from my local behaviour support services called Lego Therapy which has helped some children talk about feelings.

I wonder if the sister HT is afraid of appearing to favour the child as he is related.

Could you talk to the school about an educational psychologist to observe him in the class? Personally I agree with some of the other posters and think that the cause of his anxiety may not be because he is not challenged enough. It could be because of other expectations such as sitting quietly to listen to stories when asked, waiting, taking turns, having little free time and having a schedule imposed on him. He might also be struggling if the behaviour of others is chaotic and unpredictable.

My DS is now in year 6 and although his behaviour has always been very good, he did suffer from anxiety one particular year when he had a newly qualified teacher and she struggled to control the class. He became extremely frustrated that he couldn't concentrate, there was too much noise and messing around. I wouldn't restrict the cause of your ds' issues is caused by lack of challenge.