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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

The temptation to get the best out of your children

6 replies

SpareWheel · 16/05/2007 14:03

Just reading "The Price of Privilege" by a psychiatrist and these sentences struck a chord with some of the pushy parents I have encountered of late:
"Raising children has come to look more like a business endeavour and less like an endeavour of the heart. We are overly concerned with what our children 'do' rather than with who are children 'are'...Between accelerated academic courses, multiple extra-curricular activities, premature preparation for high school or college, special coaches and tutors engaged to wring the last bit of performance out of them, many kids find themselves scheduled to within an inch of their lives."

BUT it is actually really tempting to fill your DKs' days with loads of interesting, healthy, challenging, stimulating etc. things to do, but I am glad to have found confirmation for my suspicion that it can do more harm than good. There are plenty of parents round here who fill their DKs' every waking hour with some kind of tuition or activity and scurry them round from music class to supplemental lessons to football practice to drama group to dance class. If the author is right and you don't give them plenty of autonomous time to "discover themselves", learn from their own mistakes etc. you're more likely to make them depressed and lacking in a sense of their own identity as adolescents and adults.

OP posts:
NoodleStroodle · 16/05/2007 14:07

Fab post
We do very little clubs & activities compared to peers. I sometimes wonder if I am letting DC down...

saadia · 16/05/2007 14:09

makes me feel better about doing nothing extra-curricular.

coffeepot · 16/05/2007 15:06

SpareWheel - I agree with you so much. Autonomous time is so important. Looking back on my own childhood it was free-play time that meant the most to me. I started a little thread on it here as way of a little survey and, although we tended to do fewer organised activities when we were children, a lot of people said they enjoyed their free time more.

Personally I find it a constant battle to get the balance right. There is a never ending stream of interesting things on offer and my dd is always asking to do more - yet when I ask her what her favourite activity is she says 'mooching'.
The problem is that free time is a blank space in my diary and it is all too easy to forget that it is important and leave enough space for it. We should learn to value it more.

wychbold · 17/05/2007 10:20

Having had no opportunities when I was young, I made sure that my kids did have access to extra-curricular activities. They only do stuff that they enjoy. There have been sundry things that they have tried, not liked and therefore dropped. They are not pressurised - after all we are only talking about a few hours a week and they still find time to have a social life and watch hours of drivel on TV.

I think that it is preferable to hanging around street corners, bored out of their minds because "there is nothing to do".

But I do agree with the "what is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare" sentiment.

Cammelia · 17/05/2007 10:33

There is definitely a difference between offering opportunities to your children and scheduling activities.

My dd has worked hard over the last 5/6 years at a few chosen activities (musical and physical) which are reaping real rewards for her.

I think she is very lucky.

tallulahh · 26/05/2007 17:16

SpareWheel...a person after my own heart! Why oh why don't parents just love their children for what they are? Childhood is over too quickly as it is...let them enjoy it. They're not widgets in an industrial process!

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