Bored 7 yr old girl, hates school

[Harrietf743]

Hi. Mum of three girls. Dd2 K (twin 1) says she hates school because it is boring. In year 2 at local primary school. Did a fantastic job at Nativity play demonstrating bored, fed up, disinterested. While twin 2 (E) was a superstar main part: curious sheep in Hello Ewe.

Need advice please. I don't think school has Gifted & Talented program. Certainly never mentioned to us or in newsletter or on school website. How do I raise this with them and ask them to meet my children's needs? All 3 girls are coasting rather than being stretched and challenged intellectually.

Relationship with school is reasonable.

K does get punished for her behaviour, rather than given more challenging work.

Dh & I are both extremely bright and we both had behaviour issues at school because we were bored. I used to walk 1 mile home every lunchtime on my own at age 9 along a busy road because school was boring!

Thing is, punishment makes K behaviour worse. Leads to more tantrums in the morning and lots of anger including screaming for hours after school. Which upsets everyone and makes it even harder for both DH & me to cope. DH juggling work and most of childcare and domestic duties due to my poor physical and mental health.

Context:

I had a breakdown in 2013 and a relapse a year ago. School picked up that girls were moderately affected and offered support with a play session (weekly) with a specialist (Julie). That has now stopped because girls are flourishing academically and emotionally. Ahead of all targets (as they always have been). School were v nosy about my mental health and discussed it with my mental health worker without my consent (a whole other story).

I feel that the professionals (Inc School) are totally uninterested because we are a middle class, married, home owning nuclear family with no "social problems (abuse, addiction, poverty etc).

Are you sure all this, I.e tantrums and screaming for hours is just because of boredom? Have you been told by the school that they are gifted and talented? If so why not ask them as a natural step what program they are putting in place for that.

If yourself and DH are extremely bright, can't you stretch her at home - perhaps create projects to research/borrow books from library ahead of her reading age/science experiments etc. If she can concentrate on those and does well, you can show the work to the school and point out that her behaviour has been much improved through being stretched and see if they can provide differentiated learning in the classroom so that she can continue being stretched.

If, however, you find that the challenging work doesn't solve the behaviour issue, then maybe there are other issues that need addressing. Screaming for hours after school seems extreme.

I have 7 year old(but soon to be 8), he hates Christmas play etc. and says it's boring, and certain subject boring, but doesn't misbehave or scream because of it.
For 7 year old, I don't think just because the work is too easy makes it boring to go to school. What about friends? Play time?
I think you should find out why she is behaving like this. Is there any bullying? Crash of personality with teacher? Any problem?

AS for G& T, I don't know if my ds is on the register or not, it was only mentioned by teacher in the past. And nothing special is happening at my ds's school.
I think you are lucky if they even have a proper programme.

I agree you should talk to teacher about stretching, but if the school is unhelpful, you can still do it at home.

I think this is not really a G&T issue and that something else is going on. Is there some sort of unhealthy dynamic between K and her teacher? It must be very difficult to have two twins in a class where one is the star pupil and the other is the black sheep.

I think if it's practically possible it might be worth considering putting them in different classes or even different schools.

I also think this is something else. You can be very gifted, but still manage to sit and do a school play an hour once a year

My 6 year old is pretty advanced, he loves school as can meet his friends and play

Her behaviour sounds like there are other issues going in than her just being bored. Sounds like underlying behavioural issues to me (mother of 3, one G&T, one average and one Unknown).

Your quote about not getting help due to no social problems is extremely silly for someone so clever and is extremely blinkered.

I don't understand your post entirely, but agree with above that it is behavioural and not a G&T "thing".
Being bright does absolutely not always (or even partly!) have behavioural issues.
DH and I are I think "bright", if you think the whole Oxbridge and research thing is bright. Our eldest child is probably exceptionally intelligent. Don't know about the little one. Now none of the three of us caused a single moment of trouble at school. And neither does the little one.

Well for most kids “boring” is a blanket word that just means “I don’t want to be there / do it”. The real reason can be anything from “too easy” to “too hard” to “I should be able to do this but I have problems staying focussed” to “the other kids give me a hard time” and a whole lot more.

To be honest K sounds very unhappy. Tantrums are often caused by anxiety, if she’s being punished at school that may be worrying her a lot. Do you think she’s still bothered by your illness, maybe more bothered than the school realise? And might K feel that she is in competition with her twin who is presumably getting on fine and isn’t being punished? If my twin was a superstar sheep and I was just one of the flock I would probably give an Oscar-winning performance of fed-up-ness too!

If the school are unconcerned it’s probably because K is saving her worst tantrums for home and is mostly behaving fairly OK in school. Could you go and talk to her teacher about the bigger picture and how she is getting on in general – behaviourally and socially with other kids, as well as academically?

You need to arrange an appointment with your class teacher. Please don't assume your children are G&T because they are bored!

Agree with other posters, I would look into other issues first. Some g and t children may complain of boredom if they already unserstand or have gone through learning something at home and have to do it again at school, or simply unserstand complex problems very quickly or can work them out themselves. But all children gifted or not, do get mildly bored at school it's a question of teaching children how to manage that feeling. I have one g and t child (in maths) and he has never complained of being bored, and it's not because he is stretched all the time, it's because he can manage his 'boredom' feeling. It's the same for my non g and t ds. Could she be bored because she has no or few friends at school? Could it be a social issue?

I'm sorry but being bored isn't an excuse for misbehaving in a nativity.
Don't go into school complaining they aren't stretching your child academically. Focus on how you can help support and stretch at home and what can you do about behaviour.
And it shouldn't be about punishment. But there do need to be consequences.
BTW how do you know they aren't stretched at school?