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Original poster

In tears - ds got am award today and one of my friends. .

68 replies

lborgia · 10/12/2015 11:58

"I suppose that will just go in his collection". Ds has dealt with some real crap this year but is naturally bright, top of his year, and that's what the prize was for.

He's been doing gt maths since the beg of primary, and next 2 years, 5&6 will be doing gt everything. But he's a lovely kid, friends with most kids, cares about them and i never discuss his abilities unless someone brings it up. Even then it makes me feel awkward. Usually i say something like "well he doesn't get it from me! "

I have dealt with a lot of sly comments over the years. .but for some reason I'm just done today. Why? Why can't people who actually know you/your child find it in themselves to at least be kind? ?

Sorry, complete rant. Ds 2 got first report back today and that was astonishingly good and you know my first thought? Dread. Because i can't bear the thought of another set of parents like this.

OK, I'm done.

Thanks for listeningBlush

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 10/12/2015 13:27

Smile, nod and ignore.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 10/12/2015 13:28

I have twins. 1 top of the class lots of awards, the other is doing ok lazy bugger
I have to praise one, and jolly the other along, batting away the boastful and drying tears.
I see both sides, I am happy one is awarded but gutted the other isnt.
I have to have a thick skin!!!

theimpossibledream · 10/12/2015 13:36

Maybe it was a dig at the school if they're constantly publicly rewarding children who are naturally good at things instead of rewarding effort?

Caprinihahahaha · 10/12/2015 13:38

Iborgia

Maybe read the thread again later. I think you are getting upset and reading people's comments in a different way from how they are intended.

I do sympathise. I have tried to be constructive rather than just saying 'poor you, people are shuts'

Actually some people are shits but most people are perfectly nice but just preoccupied with the things that affect them rather than seeing them from the perspective of others.
I suspect a lot of the comments which bother you are just people mouthing the first thing that comes into their head and they don't intend to upset you.
You are sensitive to your child being singled out for perfectly understandable reasons but if you are too quick to think comments are negative, he will pick that up.

I always think that the older children get, the easier this is. When they are in junior school life is a bit black and white. As they get older the parents are far less involved so all of that intensity drops off and more obscure talents get noticed so a child might excel at drama or languages or an activity they do outside school . I think everyone relaxes a bit then.

It might be worth trying to assume better of people rather than assuming you are being criticised or got at. You've made assumptions about everything I've written and very quickly went from rude to upset and back to rude again.

I have been very sensitive with others because of my sons and it just isolated all of us a bit more until I got on top of it. I think if you can trust that your son won't go through whatever you did because he has you to help him , that might be a good start.

ghostspirit · 10/12/2015 13:45

sally i was just thinking something before i read your post. i do think there should be some sort of reward for children struggling/standard as well.. the children that are up top yes reward them they worked hard thats fine... but the children who struggle work hard to.

mind you theres probably not an answer where everyone is happy

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 10/12/2015 13:47

I agree /ish - she doesnt work hard, she gets it, everything, straight away.
It comes easy and natural. Kids lower down probably work harder to stand still.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 10/12/2015 13:48

my eldest DD is in Y2 my other in reception. I have absolutely no idea who is at the top of the class. I know where my DD is and that's all that matters. I find it strange that people know. I have no idea who gets the GT spaces as I couldn't care less.

If anyone asks me how is DD getting on? or similar, I just say oh she's happy and fine and leave it at that.

Janeymoo50 · 10/12/2015 13:53

Don't put yourself down, be proud of you and be proud of him. Just smile next time and say, he does work/try so hard, we're proud of him.

Enjoy your pizza.

LeaLeander · 10/12/2015 13:53

OP, it sounds like you need some counseling to put all of this in perspective. Who cares what anyone says? Why devote so much emotional energy to primary school mommy politics, or whatever it is?

As others have said, you are being overly sensitive and ascribing the worst possible motives to what is probably just mindless chitchat. People can be tactless or absentminded in their comments but that doesn't mean they bear you any ill will.

Here's a saying that stands most of us in good stead:

In my 20s and 30s I really worried about what other people thought of me.
In my 40s and 50s I didn't care what other people thought of me.
In my 60s I realized they weren't really thinking much about me at all. They were leading their own lives.

longingforfun · 10/12/2015 13:57

I never knew who were the high achievers at my dc's class. The one time i asked my daughter, (out of my own vanity as she was labelled as g&T), which children were the clever ones in her class, she said very seriously 'Mummy, we are all clever, just at different things.' She was quite right and that remark put me firmly in my place. I think her class teacher was very good at making sure all the children felt valued.

Hoppinggreen · 10/12/2015 14:19

Sounds very English being embarrassed about someone's achievements.
My DD is very academic, achieves the highest score out of a year of 90, got in top 25 of 11+ score out of around 1500 who took it and while I don't tell anyone about her achievements unless they ask specifically ( usually just go with " she's doing well") I am absolutely not embarrassed about it and I do not give a shit if anyone else doesn't like it. In fact most people have no idea how well she is doing
As long as you aren't rubbing anyone's nose in it you have no reason to worry OP - in many countries (eg America) achievement is celebrated, it's only here that we don't like it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/12/2015 14:20

We're parents, guilt comes with the territory. Watched my babies like hawks in case they developed something my DH has, our youngest now has to avoid the same foodstuffs, she had a good long run beforehand. I have a health condition supposedly genetic, my DSis seems to have evaded entirely, I shall feel like punching myself if one of my DCs gets it. It's luck of the draw. I just hope there's lots of good stuff to make up and hope medical science triumphs eventually.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/12/2015 14:33

Hmm not a big deal at all op i doubt it was meant in an unkind way fgs

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/12/2015 15:28

Never a dull day on MN

DixieNormas · 10/12/2015 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longingforfun · 11/12/2015 14:22

DixieNormos you've missed the point of this thread.

DixieNormas · 11/12/2015 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 11/01/2016 21:42

I understand the worrying and the explaining away your DC's abilities. I've done it too but really try not to in front of DS.

I had a weird moment earlier where DS was choosing who he wants to come to his birthday party. One of the children he's chosen is in an older class because DS is in a different class for some subjects. His friends at school know about it and are totally fine with it but the parents don't know and I just know that one of the parents is going to ask questions about who this child is (the rest of the children are all the same age as him) and why they're at the party (she is very nosy and has form for making comments how DS is different). I'm just really pleased that DS has made a friend in his other class!

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